Kelsey There’s a narrow stairwell at the edge of the aft deck. I’ve walked past a few times, but I never go near it, because that’s the way to Bruno’s level. Bruno’s forbidden, mega off-limits level. But what choice do I have? He’s not answering his texts. I need a number or some sort of a-okay. I’ll call through the door or something. I climb the st eps. It’s quieter up here than the main deck, which is already freakishly quiet. The corridor is short. If the yacht is like a shark, Bruno’s stateroom is the tail half, and his workshop is the nose part, secluded behind what looks to be a very heavy closed door. I knock. Nothing. I knock again. “Bruno? I need to talk to you. Quick question.” No response. Is he even there? Mc Gillicuddy said he was there. “Just a quick question regarding budget.” No response. I flatten my hand on the door, and it moves. Opens silently. The workshop is more intimate than I expected, with a low ceiling and drawers and cabinets all along the walls. Lights angled from several directions, like a strange photography studio. Even the air is different in here—drier, cooler, perfectly still, like st epping into a forbidden tomb. Bruno is at the center of it, bent over a worktable, wearing some kind of headband, and it looks like there might be a lens attached to it. I mostly see his back, the curve of his shoulders, the tense stillness of him over the work. He seems so different from how he usually is, like the sense of contents under pressure or something. He’s whispering, too—low, almost rhythmic words that I can’t quite make out, full of intensity, like he’s talking to himself in a dream, and he’s holding something so tiny I can’t see what it is. It makes his hands look large, like bear paws or something. I should leave—I really should, but somehow, I can’t. I stand there, rooted to the ground. “Bruno?” He goes rigid. The whispering stops. Something small hits the mat. He turns, and for just a second—before he fully registers me—the expression is still on his face. It’s an expression I can’t make sense of. The lens makes one eye enormous and strange, and he looks wild, like I walked in on something I’m not supposed to see. But then he seems to come back to himself and he’s Bruno again. “What are you doing up here?” he demands. “The door was open—I’m so sorry I—” “This level is off-limits. I told you that.” “I know, but I’ve been texting you about the budget and I—” “Did I not tell you to figure it out?” “Yeah, but I thought that meant the aesthetic part, and I can’t just I—” “The budget is whatever it takes.” He’s already turning back to the bench. “Out!” “I’m sorry,” I mumble. “I’m sorry I came in here.” I pull the door shut behind me and move fast—down the stairs, across the deck and down some more stairs, all the way to where Annie and Phillip and Fernando are waiting for me with the boat at the ready. “Did you get some guidance?” Annie asks, looking concerned. “Whatever it takes,” I say, disturbed about whatever that interaction was just now. What a jerk! The tender boat turns out to be like a boat version of a town car, all leather banquettes, tinted windows, and even a small refrigerator. There’s a
driving compartment up front and a sheltered riding compartment in the back. The three of us sit in the front, with Fernando driving. I gaze out at the waves. I can’t stop thinking about his hands. The size of them over something that small—and then he barks, “Out!” Like I’m this naughty schoolgirl who got herself sent from the room before she could make heads or tails of anything. I ask them about what made them join Bruno’s crew. Annie tells me that she originally got into yachting as a quick way to pay off her student loans, working her way up to a position on Bruno’s boat, and now she’s trying to earn enough money to invest and retire early. Fernando wants to buy a house in cash. “Fernando hates all debt,” Annie informs me. “We argue about that. I believe in some debt.” “I’m going to own my own house, free and clear by the time I’m thirty- five, and there’s emotional value to that,” Fernando says. “At a cost,” Annie says. I find out that Phillip lost his savings by opening a restaurant that collapsed, Captain Bane has been on Jeopardy and drills himself up in the captain’s bridge, and Mc Gillicuddy is trying to put distance between her and a terrible family tragedy, but they don’t say what it is. And apparently nobody knows Gordon the engineer’s reason for being out at sea. Fernando thinks he’s on the run. Annie thinks he just doesn’t like people. “How do you do it? Having to be quiet all the time?” “Every job has its trade-offs,” Fernando says. “You get used to it.” “I wouldn’t recommend this job to a boisterous person,” Annie says. “But we have quiet fun down there, like Scrabble.” “A lot of Scrabble,” Fernando says. Annie smiles. “And we sometimes take the boat to the shore and let our hair down.” Annie has a whole itinerary for us in town and Ubers arranged. The cake is already in the works, and Phillip is going to check on that and then shop for his produce. Fernando and Annie and I are going to hit the party store for decorative items, and I’ll be at the office supply store for a banner, and I also have to figure out gifts for us to give each other. Not thirty minutes later, the three of us are wandering the aisles of a party store. Annie shows me some garlands. Fernando, whose official title is deckhand, strategizes about how we can hang things. I find a small “puppy and kitten in love” figurine thing and show it to them. “We have to put this on top of the cake! It’s so unbelievably cute!” I show how it sparkles in the light. I look up and catch them both staring at me. “What?” Annie says, “You are just so different from what we would’ve thought a girlfriend of his would be like.” “So different,” Fernando says. “You seem fun,” Annie says. “Nothing against Mr. Blackwood, he’s just a very serious individual.” “He’s totally serious. I guess that’s why we work. I’m the fun girlfriend. A lot of people think I’m too extra, and not in a good way, but Bruno likes it.” I examine a giant teddy bear holding a fluffy heart, just listening to myself. I’ve wanted a guy to like my extra-ness my whole life, and now I’m play-acting it, making it part of the story in this totally fake
relationship. It’s kind of sad and pathetic, really. Most people think I’m too extra, but Bruno sure likes it! Bruno. The man who dismissed me from his workshop this morning like I contaminated the place. I pick up the giant teddy bear and stuff it into the cart. We send Fernando to the print store to pick up the big banner. “What’s the name that it’s under?” he asks. “It will be the giant banner that says heart you, Chumpywumpy,” I joke. Fernando’s eyes widen. “Yeah.” Annie laughs. “Chumpy Wumpy is two words, not one, or Mr. Blackwood will freak out!” “She’s kidding,” I say. “The order should be ready and waiting under the name of Kelsey Winters.” Fernando rushes off. Annie and I duck into a little gift shop on the corner to get our presents. Annie tries to disguise her look of pity when she realizes I’m shopping for my own anniversary present. “It’s fine. We’re a very practical couple,” I say. “We had no idea. A year he was seeing somebody and we didn’t even know!” she says. “We’re practical and private.” I know exactly what I want the second I see it. It’s in a rack by the register, between a display of seashell magnets and a basket of saltwater taffy. A kids’ watch. Plastic band, bright red, and on the face is cartoon Roadrunner, and his legs are the arms of the watch, and his tongue is out in an absolutely unhinged way. Six dollars. At a nearby bakery, I find Bruno a fancy subscription to cookie of the month club. It comes with a starter box. Phillip is waiting for us at the tender boat. We put our stuff in next to his groceries. Fernando arrives last with a rolled-up tube. He says something about them losing the order, but he got them to do it as a rush job, and Annie gets a text from the musicians saying they can do a last-minute gig. “And what kind of music do they play?” “It’s a fiddle and an oboe duo. Very Appalachian, but they can totally do melodic romantic music. They’re amazing! They’ll bring their own boat—a friend’s skiff—and motor out to the yacht. They might not be there right at five, but they’ll come, she’s sure.” I smile. It sounds like Annie is a fan. “Let’s do it!” We arrive back at the boat at four ten—Annie, Fernando, Phillip, and me, and a four-foot teddy bear, six shopping bags of hearts and fairy lights and flowers and streamers and things, plus a giant cake in a box. Fifty minutes. We can do this. Phillip rushes down to get going on the charcuterie board he has planned; dinner will be much later. Annie and Fernando string the fairy lights and garlands from every available protrusion, exactly like the wild spider’s web of love I’d imagined. I set the cake on a little side table and carefully press the “puppy and kitten in love” cake topper figurine atop it. Captain Bane wanders down and gives some ideas for more places for lights. Annie puts out candles in protective glass cases, and we put them everywhere, and she starts in scattering paper hearts and flowers all over. I wish Bruno would come by and see... I think he’d be proud of what a nice celebration we pulled together in no time. I wrap the presents. The Roadrunner watch goes in a small box with a ribbon—my gift from “Bruno.” I wrap the cookie subscription starter box
and affix a card on top. Twelve months of joy delivered monthly, Happy Anniversary, Captain. —K Mc Gillicuddy really likes the giant teddy bear, and she thinks it should be affixed to the railing of the stairway that leads down from the helipad. “It’ll be watching over the romantic dinner! It’ll be perfect!” It’s a really dorky idea, but she is so very adamant on it, I give it the green light. These people have had the most oppressive job in the world. If Mc Gillicuddy has this vision, why not go with it? “Okay,” I say, and she and Captain Bane collaborate on how to make it seem like it’s sitting on the railing. Somebody finds a large pole to mount it on. I’m not so sure about that choice, but I can’t think about that, I need to get dressed. “Don’t forget the banner!” I call as I rush out. “On it,” Fernando says. I rush to my quarters and put on my favorite dress of the batch that Bruno got me, which is a lot of brocade and tulle in the faded glamour colors of pink and black, do a quick hair refresh, and I’m back out with five minutes to spare. And nearly have a heart attack. Strung between overhead beams so it spans the whole space is a giant banner that says HEART YOU, CHUMPYWUMPY! in cream and gold, and the script is truly elegant. Annie rushes over. “I know, I know. They’d lost the order, so Fernando had them make it on the spot. When we were joking about Chumpywumpy, he thought we were serious.” “I specifically said ‘just kidding.’ I remember saying that.” “He thought you meant you were just kidding about Bruno freaking out if it was two words.” She looks up at the banner. “Should we take it down? It really is nice, and I thought... it sounded like it might be a nickname, so I thought you could make the call.” A helicopter sounds in the distance. I squint and see it gliding in. Where is Bruno? Is he going to make me receive his brother all alone? That would be pretty unconvincing, considering we’re on our one-year- anniversary cruise. I smooth down my party dress. Just then, the double whistle sounds, the universal sign that Bruno is coming. A door at the forward edge of the aft deck opens—the interior companionway that leads down from his workshop above—and Bruno strolls through, all dressed up in a tux. Bruno’s attention is on the helicopter overhead. “Ready?” “Of course.” He scowls at the fairy lights, which are already lit, even though the sun hasn’t set yet. And then his eyes track up, to the banner stretched overhead, spanning the whole aft deck. HEART YOU, CHUMPYWUMPY. His lips move as he reads it. I wince. “Okay, so the banner was sort of a miscommunication, but I think the rest of it turned out amazing!” He’s still fixating on the banner, seemingly unable to make sense of it. “I don’t understand...” “This is the anniversary celebration you asked me to put together. You wanted it to look elaborate, like I put a lot of work into it. And the crew and I really pulled it off. They were amazing I—” “No. No, no.” “What? We’ll just say that’s a joke name that I gave you. And I know your feelings on flowers, but that is very standard anniversary fare.”
“Kelsey—I told him that I put a lot of work into it. That I arranged it all. Me.” “Wait... you supposedly did all this?” “I didn’t know it would be ‘all this.’” “Oh my God, we have to take that banner down.” Bruno looks up at the approaching helicopter. “It’s too late. He’ll have already seen it.” “You would never put up a banner like that.” I clap my hand over my mouth. “I’m so sorry!” “There is no way this works.” He grabs my hand as if to pull me somewhere, but I stand stock-still. “No, this can work. We can sell it.” He squints at me. “There is no way.” “We’re in love, Bruno, and people in love are silly. People in love transform. You were a lonely, mirthless hermit before I met you and I have opened up your world with joy.” He lowers his voice. “You know my feelings on joy.” I tug him toward the foot of the stairs that descend from the helipad and call to Annie to bring two half glasses of champagne. The thing is now touching down. “My friend Mia always says, if you really commit, you can pull off anything.” Bruno’s face has hardened, like he’s bracing for war. “I am your Chumpywumpy. Say it.” He just looks into the distance. The muscles in his jaw tighten. Looking into his anguished, battle-ready face suddenly makes me feel a little bad for him. I remind myself that this is really important to Bruno. I turn his face and look him de ep in the eyes, trying to infuse him with all the confidence I can muster. “We got this.” He’s not convinced. “We do. We can do this.” I link my arm in his, and we stand at the base of the stairs next to the giant teddy bear, which Bruno regards with a look of great pain. “Jesus Christ.” “Stop!” I scold. The helicopter door opens and a man with Bruno’s same burnished- bronze hair and a slightly stockier build st eps out onto the helipad above us. He’s wearing sunglasses and holding a wrapped gift the size of a shoebox. He crosses to the top of the stairs, registers the teddy bear waiting there with its plush heart, and visibly stops. Then he starts down. “Why would you think you would be throwing a celebration on my yacht?” Bruno says to me. “Because you hate fun? I would be the natural person to do it!” Under his breath, Bruno says, “Adrian will ask you questions that sound casual but aren’t. He will be polite and he will be pleasant and none of it will be real. And if he determines this is a false front, every arrangement I have made to protect—” He stops himself. “Everything falls apart.” I swallow. And he’ll have to let himself be red meat in the documentary. Or spill the horrible, life-altering secret he’s protecting his brothers from. Or maybe it’s himself he’s protecting. For all the time I’ve spent with him, and all of the secrets I’ve told him, he remains an enigma. It’s here that I start worrying that maybe I can’t pull this off. He knows a lot about me, but what do I really know about him? “All we can do is our best.” I squeeze his hand as Adrian reaches the bottom of the stairs. Adrian regards our joined hands with some bemusement and then he looks up at his brother. “Bruno.”
“Adrian. I’d like you to meet Kelsey.” “Yes, the secret, late-breaking girlfriend.” I take his hand warmly. “I’m so glad you’re here. Bruno was a little grumpy about opening up our celebration cruise even a little bit.” I gaze up at Bruno. “But hey, he’s cute when he’s grumpy, so all is well.” Bruno blinks, looking baffled. Is he even going to be able to do this? Adrian is carefully taking in the scene. The hearts and fairy lights and flowers and the giant banner. “Is that for us?” I chirp, hopefully derailing whatever thoughts he’s having about the banner. He hands over the present with an amused look. This is already not going well.