Dani Black dread settles over me as I get ready to leave Emil in the penthouse on Sunday morning. I kiss him, heart thudding with ragged emotion when he tells me he doesn’t want to spend the night apart. I don’t either, but I have errands to do. Specifically, one errand in particular that needs to be done. Patting my hair one last time, I make my way to the café where Richard agreed to meet me. My palms are clammy, st eps jerky, but I manage to get my whirling thoughts under control. Mostly. The remnants of old, twisted fear still make themselves known, but I shove them down far enough to function. After an evening like last night, I know I need to do this. I need to protect Emil’s company from Rich’s rotten soul, but more importantly, I need to move on. Only by confronting Rich can I stand on my own two feet and know that I’ll never run away again. Emil wants a relationship with me. He wants me to stay. And... I want that too. So, hiking up my big-girl pants, I walk through the café door to face the monster from my past. Richard Gleeson has always been a handsome man. Under a thick mop of black hair, his face is settled into a carefully bland expression, bright-green eyes as sharp and perc eptive as they were four years ago. I know why I fell for him—the man oozes charisma. Even through the café window, I can feel the press of his charm against my skin. I’m not falling for it anymore, though. He sees me as soon as I enter, his gaze sending my heart ricocheting off my ribs. He stands up and motions to the chair across the table from him as if I need permission to join him, studying my face with an intensity that makes me want to shrink. But I don’t. No more shrinking. No more hiding. No more running. Gulping, I take a seat. “Thank you for seeing me.” “That was an interesting email you sent after four years of silence, Danika.” My new name sounds like a curse on his tongue. I resist the urge to shudder. “I meant every word. I know that your technology isn’t everything you boast it is. It didn’t work four years ago, and as far as I can tell, you haven’t made any leaps in the design since then.” “How could you possibly know that? We’ve made great strides since you left me.” Since you left me. As if my leaving hurt him. As if I had a choice in the matter, and wasn’t breaking my own spirit by walking away. “The core of the tech is the same, and it still has the same issues. The problems are in the very conc ept. They can’t be engineered away without a complete redesign.” Richard snarls, the charm vanishing in an instant. “Who do you think you are? You think you can protect Emil Van der Berg? You think I won’t ruin your life for this?” Fear strikes de ep, but I rein it in. I won’t crumble. I won’t bow down to Rich when I know it’s Emil’s future, his company that hangs in the balance.
“I’m not asking you to walk away from this deal, Richard. I’m only asking you to be honest. If the tech truly has improved, all you have to do is tell Emil about the problems you had four years ago.” He snorts. “I don’t respond well to threats, darling. You should know that by now.” Fear roars inside my head, drowning out my thoughts for a few long seconds. Yes, I remember when I first told him I wasn’t on board with the fraudulent test results. He put his hand on my neck and squeezed just enough to make me regret it. His eyes had been the de epest black, no hint of light. The next day, I went to work and submitted the fake test results to the certification board. Not anymore. I won’t let this monster intimidate me. Clenching my hands so hard they hurt under the table, I pull in a breath. “I have hundreds of documents proving fraud, including emails sent by you. It’s enough to put you in prison.” “You’ll be right there with me. If you try to blow the whistle on me, doll, you’ll go down hard. Van der Berg won’t protect you.” “I’m willing to go down if it means Emil has all the information and can make an informed decision.” The words come out steady, strong. A couple of months ago, I never would have been able to do this. I couldn’t have stood the pressure of even being in the same room as Richard, let alone stand up to him. He groomed me for years when I first started working for him, then burrowed his way so de ep in my psyche that I felt like my only option was to disappear. He destroyed my confidence, my backbone, my sense of self. No longer. I won’t let him take anything else from me. Richard sits back, staring at me with unblinking green eyes. His cup of coffee, the same tiny cup of espresso he used to drink to make himself look refined, sits in front of his clasped hands, untouched. He holds my gaze and everything in me screams to look away, to bow my head, to submit. But I won’t. I can’t. There are lots of things in my life I’m not proud of. I’ve made many, many mistakes. I’ve been broken down and used, but I will not back down for this. Not for Emil, not for the kids, not for the promise of my new life. “You’ll regret this when Emil tosses you away, Kayla.” Poison-laced words, with my old name as the final blow. Only, they don’t hurt. I’m not Kayla anymore, who bows down to a powerful man because she thinks she doesn’t deserve better. I’m Danika Jenckell, and I want a life of my own. “You think he’ll stick by your side when he knows you tanked the biggest deal of his career? Emil doesn’t care about you. He doesn’t love you, Kayla. He’s just using you for sex. You’re a plaything to him. He’ll throw you out like garbage when he realizes what you’ve done here.” Steel pours into my spine, and I stare at the snake on the other side of the table. His words hit me like blows, hard enough to hurt. But I won’t back down. “I’m willing to take that chance. Even if he doesn’t want me, at least he’ll know the truth about you.” Richard scoffs, finally gripping the espresso cup between his thumb and forefinger. It looks comically small in his meaty hands. Hands that have encircled my neck. Hands that signed my paychecks. Hands I
thought touched me with love and affection when it was all a manipulation. “You’re an idiot, Kayla. Always have been, always will be.” Pushing my chair back, I stand. “So we’re doing this? I’m leaking the documents?” He waves a hand, dismissing me like an irritating insect. “No need. I’ll talk to Van der Berg, if only to watch him shatter your little heart.” That little heart is in my throat as I turn around and walk away. Then I rush, feet pounding on the pavement as my body turns electric. My thoughts buzz, adrenaline dumping in my veins. It’s not until I’m half a dozen blocks away that I stop and take a de ep breath. Pedestrian traffic flows around me, unaware of the seismic shift occurring inside me. I did it. I did it. I stood up to Richard, and survived. He agreed to talk to Emil. He’ll come clean to him, and Emil will be able to make a decision with all the information in his hands. I. Fucking. Did it! Emil won’t be going into this blind. Richard will tell him the truth. If the deal falls through, it’ll fall through—but at least Berg Motors will be safe. Emil will be safe. It’s over. Laughing, I clap a hand over my mouth and look around. In my daze, I walked in the wrong direction, but it doesn’t matter. I need to go to Bonnie’s place, to tell her I’m staying in the city, that I’m making a life here. I need to throw my arms around her and thank her for being the first friend I found in a long time. When I make it to Bonnie’s apartment, I finally feel like myself again. It’s taken me four years of running and one scandalous affair to get to this point, but I’ve finally been brave enough to stand up and fight. Not for me—my career was toast the minute I ran—but for Emil. For the company his father built that has become his pride and joy. I’ll do anything I can to make sure Emil isn’t taken advantage of. Bonnie has snacks and alcohol waiting for me, and a shit-eating grin on her face. As soon as she opens the door, she arches a brow at me. “You’d better tell me everything that happened these two weeks, otherwise our friendship is over.” Her eyes widen. “What? What happened? Dani, you’re grinning like an idiot. You look like you ran here.” I throw my arms around her. “I love you, Bonnie.” She squeezes me, chuckling. “Right back at you, girl. Where is this coming from?” “I’m just emotional right now.” “Aren’t we all.” She grins, waving me inside as she closes the door. “Don’t think you’re going to get out of telling me all about the Bahamas, Dani. I’ve been waiting for you to get here all morning.” “The Bahamas were... interesting. I was sick for most of it. Achy and tired and nauseous. But I feel good now.” “Achy, tired, nauseous.” She ticks the words off on her fingers. “You sure you’re not pregnant? Don’t tell me you haven’t sl ept with Emil Van der Berg, because I know you have. I could see it written all over you face last time I saw you.” Bonnie laughs, wrapping her arms around my shoulders, then stops when she feels my body grow stiff. She pulls away, hands on my shoulders. “Dani? I was joking.” Pregnant. No. I’m not pregnant. I can’t be. I shake my head and try to force a smile onto my lips, but Bonnie just stares at me, lines etched into the space between her brows.
“It was great! Sandy beaches, a beautiful house...” I force a smile. Bonnie isn’t convinced. “You’re not pregnant, are you?” Quiet, quiet words. “No.” I just stood up to the boogeyman of my past. I was high on life, but now the ground is rushing back toward me. Closer and closer it comes, and I’m going to splatter when I hit it. Gritting my teeth, I shake my head. Pregnancy would complicate things far, far too much. “No,” I r epeat, as if to convince myself. She nods, walking over to the coffee table where a bottle of wine awaits. She grabs it, pauses, and meets my eyes. “You sure about that?” “I’m not pregnant.” I clear my throat. “I can’t be.” “You did sle ep with him,” she says. I nod. “And you used protection?” Another nod. “And you’ve had your period, right? So nothing to worry about.” Her words echo, sinking down into my gut. Ice fills my veins. Wide-eyed, I stare at the first friend I’ve made in years. The woman who got me my job, the woman who lets me stay with her whenever I need it. With anyone else, I would ke ep my mouth shut and swallow the words threatening to spill from my lips. With anyone else, I’d hide. But with Bonnie, I find myself opening my mouth and speaking the damning truth. “I can’t... I can’t remember the last time I had my period.” Shock flits across Bonnie’s face. Her hands fist at her sides. “How long?” Groaning, I drop my head in my hands. How many weeks has it been since I had my period? I can’t think. Thoughts circle, unrelenting. It’s not true. This is panic induced by my meeting with Richard. It’s some last remnant of my fear manifesting as something else. I’m not pregnant. I can’t be pregnant. I was stressed in the Bahamas after seeing that contract. This is all stress-induced. My period is late because I’ve been worried about Emil, worried about Richard, worried about standing up and facing my fears. It’s a coincidence. It’s not real. “We used protection,” I hiss. “We were careful.” “You’re not on the pill?” “Why would I be on the pill?” I snort, shaking my head. “I hadn’t had sex in years before that. Plus, it gave me migraines.” “Fuck.” Bonnie bites her lip, then straightens. “Your period is usually regular?” “Clockwork.” I rub my eyes with the heels of my hands and shake my head. “It’s stress, Bonnie. I’ve been dealing with my ex-boyfriend’s sudden appearance in my life. I’m just stressed about that and Emil. That’s why I’m late.” “Your ex-boyfriend? The one you mention when your eyes fill with darkness but you refuse to talk about?” “Long story.” She closes her eyes for a moment, and when they open again steely determination shines in them. “Only one way to find out. Stay here. I’ll be right back.” “Where are you going?” I watch Bonnie slide her feet into sandals, her hand closing over a tan-colored purse that probably cost more than my weekly wage. “To get you a pregnancy test.” She stares at me for a few moments, then gives me a curt nod. “Don’t move. I’ll be back. And Dani? Whatever happens, it’ll be okay.”
Just like that, I’m alone again. My skin itches so much I want to tear it off strip by strip. I need to be out of my body. Out of this life. I can’t be pregnant. I just can’t. There’s no way. It’s not possible. Sinking into Bonnie’s couch—exactly where I was sitting when this whole nightmare started the day of my birthday —I drop my head in my hands... then freeze. Harriet told me Emil’s wife was rumored to have tampered with their condoms. I’d thought it was just a rumor, but could she... No. We used Emil’s condoms one time before digging into my birthday stash. We’ve been careful. I’m not pregnant. But my hand slides over my stomach and I stare at it, feeling like a stranger in my own body. Emil told me I’m the first woman he’s touched in three years. Why would he have new condoms if he hadn’t been with anyone? If those rumors are true, we could have been using old, damaged condoms. No. No one would actually poke holes in condoms. Emil never confirmed that. They were just rumors spread through staff members, juicy gossip to chase away the boredom. I’m not pregnant. There’s no way. No one would poke holes in condoms. That’s seriously deranged. Even a woman who hates her marriage and wants to suck her husband dry wouldn’t do that. But—the nausea, the tiredness, the lack of menstruation, the aches in my body... I don’t need to be a doctor to know that all those things point to one thing. Sucking back a sob, I drop my head onto my knees and wrap my arms around my legs. Too much—this is too much. I could deal with Richard’s awful words. I could deal with being called by my old name, being reminded of the person I used to be. It felt good to face him, to shed the last remnants of my past life. But I can’t handle a pregnancy. I’m not ready to have kids. This thing between Emil and me... it’s too new. Too fragile. Two weeks ago, I was over the moon about him letting me drive the kids around. It was a show of such de ep trust that it struck me in the center of my heart. That moment, before I learned about Rich’s business deal, I thought I had a future. Eyes prickling, I press the heels of my hands to my eyes hard enough to see stars. The door opens and Bonnie bursts in, brandishing a paper bag. “Got it.” She tosses the pregnancy test box toward me, hitting me in the chest with the little device that will tell me how screwed I really am. Pee, set a timer, wait. And think. Sitting on the closed toilet seat, I rest my chin on my closed fist and try to regulate my breathing. I don’t want a kid. This pregnancy will throw my life upside down. Right? That’s what I would feel if I were thinking logically, but there’s something else rattling inside my heart. Some sort of de ep want that I’ve never really had the courage to identify. The desire to carry a child, to be a mother. I’ve spent the past couple of months with Talia and Francis, forging bonds with two wonderful kids. Would it really be so bad to have one of my own?
And Emil... he all but told me he loved me in the Bahamas. He cared for me when I was feeling sick. He trusted me to drive with his kids in the car. He spoiled me when we got back and told me he doesn’t want a nanny, he wants a partner. Maybe he would want this, too. Maybe this tenuous future that I wasn’t sure I deserved... maybe I do want it, after all. All of it. Kids, Emil, baby, and all. If Richard truly is out of my life, why couldn’t I have a beautiful life of my own? My buzzer sounds, and I look at the pregnancy test. My hurricane of emotions dies down in an instant, a thick crust of ice crackling inside me. I feel nothing. I stare at the result for a few moments, a howling void yawning inside me. Mechanically, I stand and swing the door open to see Bonnie’s worry-lined face waiting for me. “Positive,” I admit. “I’m pregnant.” The words seem to echo in her vast apartment. Bonnie blows out a breath, her shoulders dropping. “Shit. Are you okay?” Pondering the vast emptiness inside me, I walk to the living room, letting my eyes drift over the city skyline that has become my home. I’m sick of running. I faced Rich today with my head held high. I won’t run from this either. When I swing my eyes back to Bonnie, her hair is mussed from her fingers worrying through it, her eyes lined with moisture. I give her a curt nod, wrapping my arms around her. “I’m fine. I’m good.” She squeezes me tight, then pulls away. “Do not run away from me, Danika Jenckell. I happen to love you, you know. Whatever happens, you’re my friend and you’ll let me help you.” Her words strike some de ep chord within me, a fear I’d never really let myself face. I taste salt before I realize I’m crying. “I love you too, Bonnie.” “Emil?” she asks, brows high. “Will you tell him?” I nod. “I have to.” “You think he’ll want it?” “He loves his kids.” It’s not an answer—not really—but it’s the only truth I can cling to while my world turns upside down.