Dani There was no email from Emil when I woke up this morning. I stared at my phone, not understanding what I was seeing. After weeks of daily emails, he just... stopped. Logically, I know I can’t blame him. I gave him nothing, nothing to go on. No hope of me ever speaking to him. The last time I talked to him, I said goodbye. I told him it was over. But still, seeing my blank phone screen was a kick in the gut. Now, as I lie back on a medical bed with clear goo all over my stomach, I try to push the hurt aside. The technician glances at me, smiling. “Do you want to know what you’re having?” I bite my lip and nod. With her straight black hair brushing the edge of her chin as she bobs her head, the ultrasound technician, Mia, gives me a warm smile. “Congratulations, Danika. You’re having a baby boy.” My heart is going to explode. A boy. A little Emil of my own. A little brown-haired boy with big blue eyes, probably. Mischief written all over his face. I love him already and I haven’t even met him. I don’t realize I’m crying until Mia pulls out five or six tissues from a box and hands them over. “Stop it or I’ll tear up,” she says with a smile. “You do this every day. I doubt you still cry.” “I’m a softie,” the woman responds with a smile, her eyes shining. “Congratulations. First-time mothers always get to me. Would you like a copy of the ultrasound?” Nodding, I make a garbled sound of agreement past the lump in my throat. After I’m cleaned up and mostly put together, I stare at the ultrasound in my hands and let out a sigh. I’m having a baby. I’m having a baby. I’m having a baby. Holy shit. I’m so not ready for this. I can’t do this. I’m going to be a mom and I can barely take care of myself! I can’t take care of a tiny, helpless human! I can’t— “You’re going to be fine.” Mia squeezes my shoulder, her eyes crinkling. “I can see the panic setting in and I’m telling you, Dani, you’ll be a great mom.” Blowing out a long breath, I nod. “Thanks.” It comes out as a croak, and Mia just smiles. She helps me up and out of the room. In a daze, I slide my jacket on and clutch the printout of my ultrasound. Mia sent another copy to my email, but holding it in my hands feels important, somehow. The rec eptionist, a friendly young woman about my age, calls out a goodbye and gives me a warm smile. I nod to her and push the door to exit, burying my chin in my chest against the bitter wind. I turn left, still staring at the photo in my hands, and crash into a very large, very warm chest. “Dani.” His voice is like silk against my skin. An in voluntary shiver courses through my whole body at the sound, and then my eyes start their long, slow journey from his chest up to his face. “Emil.” God, he’s beautiful. I’d forgotten how handsome he is. How much the sight of him makes my veins flood with fire. How standing next to him is like bearing the brunt of an electrical storm.
Then I realize that Emil Van der Berg is standing in front of me. In Vermont. “What are you doing here?” “I was googling quaint towns and this came up on Trip Advisor,” he says, shrugging. I pop a brow. His laugh is warm and hopeful, and it feels like a hug. He leans toward me, his hand raising as if to touch my hair. It stops halfway before he drops it. “I came to see you.” “How did you know I was here?” Emil rubs the back of his neck, looking almost... embarrassed. I’ve never seen that look on his face. Redness flares across his cheeks and he stares at his toes. “Your friend gave me the address. I just got in this morning, checked into the hotel.” He points a thumb over his shoulder, and I see a wooden sign hanging from the entrance to a hotel. I nod, and Emil’s eyes tear away from my face to look behind me. “What are you...” A frown tugs his brows down. Then his eyes flick to me, shock flitting across his face. Then they drop to the photo in my hands. I shove the ultrasound in my pocket as my heart takes off. “Obstetrics?” Emil whispers. “What were you holding?” A sharp intake of breath. I close my eyes, shaking my head. This wasn’t supposed to happen. I was supposed to sit him down and tell him on my terms. I was supposed to have time to think of the right words, to tell him everything the way I wanted to say it. But now we’re standing on the sidewalk and he knows. He knows. He’s going to think I did this on purpose. He’s going to shut me out, just like he did after the Gleeson deal fell through. He’s going to yell and rage and roar, and I’m going to break. I’ll break against his anger, shatter into a million pieces. I’ll never recover. So I take a de ep breath and try to wrap my courage around myself like a blanket. I try to frantically build up my walls, to save myself from the heartbreak about to be wreaked upon me. St epping back, I try to put space between us. Emil grabs my arm and yanks me against his chest. “Dani.” His voice is strangled. “Dani, talk to me.” Eyes opening slowly, I stare at the zipper of his jacket. “I’m pregnant,” I whisper. “You’re... You... You’re... p...” His grip on my arm tightens and I close my eyes, tears gathering behind my eyelids. I can’t do this. It’s killing me. I nod, reaching into my pocket to pull out the ultrasound. “It’s a boy,” I whisper. Emil’s fingers grip my chin to tilt my head up. Stubbornly, I ke ep my eyes closed. I’m not ready to face his anger. I’m not ready to lose him all over again when I was ready to start talking to him. I was supposed to have time. I was supposed to answer his email this morning and start talking to him again, getting to know him again, seeing where things went. But— “Open your eyes.” The power in his voice is impossible to resist, but I try. I squeeze my eyes shut harder, bottom lip trembling.
“Dani, look at me.” Emil’s voice is gentler, his grip on my chin softening. His thumb starts stroking my jaw, rasping along my skin and sending shivers tumbling through my veins. Slowly, I lift my eyelids and look at the man in front of me. I expect anger, but all I see is tenderness. His eyes are lined with silver, tears threatening to fall. His thumb ke eps making small, soothing movements, but he doesn’t let me go. One hand on my chin, the other on my arm. I stand there, staring at him as I clutch the ultrasound in my jacket pocket, not knowing what to say. “You didn’t tell me,” he whispers, voice breaking on the last word. “I was afraid.” He flinches. “Of me?” “That you’d think I was trying to trap you.” His head drops, shoulders rolling in. The hand on my chin slides across my jaw to the nape of my neck and he pulls me close, shoving my face into his chest. My arms are pinned against him and I stand stiffly, not ready to let go. Not ready to let him in, to open myself up to the kind of pain he caused me before. “Dani,” he rasps, his lips near my ear, “I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry for how I treated you.” I hide my face in his chest and Emil doesn’t move. One hand on my neck, the other wrapped around my back. His chin rests on my head and he squeezes me close, a shaky breath leaving his lips. “It’s been hell without you, Dani. My life has been hell.” Good, the awful part of me says. I pinch my lips together to stop myself saying it out loud. “It wasn’t until you were gone that I realized how much you did for me, how much I cared about you. But you were right, Dani. I just wanted you to slot into my life and I never considered what you’d want for yours. I thought I was giving you everything, but I wasn’t giving you freedom. I wasn’t giving you choice.” His thumb strokes my throat and even though I want to resist, I find myself melting into him. “I did it to Callie, and I think it’s part of the reason our marriage broke down. I didn’t see her. I didn’t see what was happening in front of my eyes.” Pulling away, I look up at Emil’s face. I’ve never heard him take responsibility for the end of his marriage before. He’s always blamed Callie. Seeing the surprise on my face, Emil gives me a sad smile. “She had her issues, but I realize now that I wasn’t there for her the way she needed me to be. I left her at home while her mind was fighting her. She was sick, Dani. I should have been caring for her, not pushing her away.” He takes a de ep breath, his thumb still stroking my neck. Over and back, soothing, as if he can’t help but want to touch me. “I don’t want to make the same mistakes with you, Dani. You came into my life and showed me everything I could have. A picture-perfect life. I didn’t question it. Didn’t think about the fact that you might want something more from life than taking care of my kids.” “I love the kids.” “I know,” he says with a smile. “But I know that you’re smart, and you miss working in the industry you loved.” My heart constricts. “Let me show you I understand, Dani. Let me prove to you that I deserve you.” My bottom lip trembles. A fat raindrop falls from the sky, landing on my cheek. Emil swipes it away, his thumb soothing over my cheek once, twice, three times.
“I love you, Dani. I’m in love with you. I started falling for you the moment you asked me if I owned a cowboy hat, and I never stopped falling. Head over heels, ass over end, I’ll never be the same. You’ve ruined me for all other women and I can’t live without you in my life.” “The baby?” I squeak. He lets out a breath, touching his forehead to mine. “If you let me be our baby’s father, I’ll be the kind of man you’re proud to call your own.” His big, warm hands cup my cheeks, his breath mixing with mine. He loves me. He’s in love with me. My heart cartwheels and scurries away to hide at the same time. I stand on the precipice, tasting his words, seeing my future unfold in front of me. On the one hand, I can stand alone. I can raise my child and ke ep Emil at arm’s length. I can be ind ependent and strong and ke ep going forward with the plan I’ve made over these weeks in Vermont. Or... I can let him in. I can open myself up to Emil and place my heart in his hands. It terrifies me. It makes me want to burrow under a mountain of blankets and never come up again. If I let Emil in, he could hurt me again. He could shut me out. He could cut me off from my career and my future bit by bit, smothering me without even realizing he’s doing it. “Dani.” His voice is soft, my name like a prayer. “Talk to me.” “You really love me?” “Desperately. Stupidly. Foolishly.” He pulls his forehead away from mine to meet my eyes. “I love your laugh, your smile, your mind. I love seeing the way your brows tug together when you read an article you disagree with. I love how brilliantly your mind works, how easy it is for you to see clever innovations in complicated designs. I love your handwriting. I love how you don’t take shit from anyone, least of all me. I love how you treat my kids. I love how you face your fears and you don’t back down. I love your strength. I love your body. You have a great ass and fantastic breasts, which I’m sure you know but bears r epeating.” I laugh, catching a hint of a smile on Emil’s lips. He brushes his thumb over my lower lip, shaking his head. “You don’t have to say it back. I know I hurt you and I’ll spend my life making up for it. I just want you to know how much you mean to me. I’ll be there for you, Dani, even if you won’t take me back. For you and the baby. I’ll support whatever career goals you have, whether it’s in STEM or opening a chocolate chip cookie shop with Talia as your head baker. Anything. Name anything, baby, and it’s yours.” The last of my fears slide away, and I hear Emil. Truly hear what he’s saying to me. He loves me. He wants to be with me. He’s willing to put aside his pride and his hurt and his past to fix whatever we had. He’s willing to fight. Don’t I owe him the same thing? “As soon as they told me it was a boy, I wanted to name him Emil. At least then I’d have a piece of you.” “Dani—” “I love you too, Emil. I love you so much it tears me up inside.” His eyes shine. “So be with me. Come back to Manhattan and be mine.” I let out a soft huff. “I’ve always been yours, Emil. From the very beginning.”
His lips crash into mine, arms wrapping around me. I clutch his shirt with one hand, clinging onto him as I let the last of my defenses slide away. He ravages my mouth, his kiss claiming, devastating. He ruins all my walls with a swipe of his tongue, owning me mind, body, and soul. “You’re mine,” he growls between kissing and nipping my bottom lip. “And I’m yours.” “Always.” His hands tangle into my hair, pulling me closer until I’m out of breath. When we pull away, I turn the ultrasound toward Emil and watch tears fill his eyes. He leans in and kisses me again, tender and sweet and mine.