“I’ve finally done it, Em.” Even as I say it, I’m still not sure whether I’m about to tell my best friend that I’ve handed over my v-card, or that I’ve just applied for my dream job. “Done what?” I’m on my lunch break and I’ve wandered down to sit by the river, to make sure I’m not overheard by one of my work colleagues. Emma and I have sent a barrage of messages since I got back from Hawaii, but we’re overdue for a phone call. “I’ve applied for a job. It’s in New York.” “Yes! My bestie’s moving in with me!” “I’m not moving in with you.” Emma lives with two other roommates in a tiny two bedroom in Greenwich Village. She’s always telling me how cramped their apartment is and the only reason she’s still sane is because she has her own bedroom and if she stands on a chair she can see a small piece of the Chrysler building from her small single window. I want to tell her everything, but how do I do that without sounding clinically insane? It’s easier to start with the job. Then I’ll casually drop it into conversation that I had my brains fucked out by the hottest man on the planet. “When are you coming?” she asks. “And why are you leaving a very good job after only a few months that, even last week, you were extremely excited about?” “I don’t even have an interview yet. But you know it’s always been my dream to move to New York. And the timing feels right. What’s that old saying?: ‘nothing changes unless something changes’?” Emma laughs. “I’m in the middle of a badly-realized zombie apocalypse, Dust. That’s a little too de ep for me right now.” Emma works as a book editor for a publishing imprint that specializes in science fiction and fantasy. “If this is what you learned at the conference you should demand your money back.” “I think it was my mom who said that, actually.” “Well, I guess it’s good advice. Have you told her you’re moving?” “You’re the first person I’ve told, actually. But she’ll be cool with it if it gets me closer to where I want to be.” My mom has always supported my dreams, and she knows better than anyone that I’m driven to succeed. She’s the most encouraging person I know. It’s why she never complains about working two jobs if it means Sky is one st ep closer to her big break. But I know my mom and sister will both be surprised—and sort of devastated—when I tell them I’m leaving. I didn’t really plan to look for something so soon, but being back in Austin after the whirlwind of my Hawaii trip has been harder than I expected. It’s been two weeks and I think about Ace constantly. I thought that once I was back in the office, all r eplays of Ace tongue-fucking me in his penthouse suite would stop, but it’s a hundred times worse. It’s like he’s infiltrated my brain completely with all the things he freaking did to me and I’m powerless to do anything about it. The amount of times a day I think about Ace... about his mouth on mine... his rough fingers teasing my nipples... his greedy tongue licking my clit... his gigantic, glorious cock forcing its way inside me... and about how much I sort of wish we could have had a little more time together are making me wonder if I’ve somehow managed to become a sex-addict after one single night with the perfect man. I can’t believe this is what I’ve been missing out on, all this time. It’s wildly distracting. Maybe everyone feels like this. Do they? How does anyone ever get anything done? What else am I missing out on?
This question, more than anything, is why I need a change. Besides, my company is already discussing other conferences. And the same one, for next year. I know if I stick around here, I’ll be desperate to go to Hawaii again, just on the off chance he might be there. And that’s ridiculous. One night. No strings. No names. That was our deal. No doubt Ace moved on with his life by the time I’d boarded my flight. He’ll be back in Connecticut with his supermodel girlfriend or something. Or he’s fishing at some other newbie conference as we speak. The job alert for the position in New York landed in my inbox two days ago. It seemed like a sign. “So, when’s the interview?” Emma asks. “If I get selected, it’ll be in two weeks. I’m thinking that, even if I don’t get shortlisted for this one, I’ve got a week of leave accumulated since I’ve been working overtime. I’m going to try to set up some interviews. New York is where I want to be.” “Wow, girlfriend. I mean, you’ve always been so focused, but I’m totally digging this whole new balls-to-the-wall energy. What’s changed?” I bite my lip, pr eparing to tell Emma I’ve had a sexual awakening that’s changed my life. She’s going to go ballistic when she hears this. She’s also going to kill me because that was now two weeks ago and I still haven’t told her. I don’t know why. I needed to savor it quietly for a while. It changed everything about me and I needed some time to adjust. “Getting away from home gave me some perspective,” I begin. “I realized that if there’s stuff I want, I have to go after it.” “That’s not a new realization for you, Dust. You’ve always been that way. But I’ll admit that flying to New York to hunt for jobs when you already have a good job feels like a big move. The right one, I’m sure. Just big.” “I guess it is. I might look at a few apartments when I’m there too. I’ve already started doing some research online.” “Never agree to anything until you’ve seen it, though. That’s how you end up with a shower in your kitchen and a bed that doubles as a dining table.” “Okay. Good advice.” “You will absolutely stay with me when you’re here,” Emma insists. “Are you sure, Em? I know you don’t have a lot of room.” “I have my own room with a double bed and one third of it has your name on it.” I laugh. “Only if you absolutely don’t mind. I can get one of those pod hotel rooms.” “You absolutely will not. I insist. Both my roommates got new jobs recently so they’re hardly ever here. Plus, I’m a real New Yorker so I can show you all the best places to go. I also have contacts, which I’m going to start reaching out to.” “Thank you, bestie.” To be honest, I haven’t completely thought this whole thing through. If I do find a job, I’ll need to give my two weeks’ notice soon. My apartment is on a six-month lease, which is coming up next month. Even though the job I’ve applied for has a much bigger salary than my current one, apartments in New York are more expensive and I’ve still got my mom and Sky to think about. Anyway, I’ve applied and now I’ve told Emma. The idea is gaining its own momentum. “I can’t wait!” Emma gushes. “I’ve got so much to show you. And we’ve got so much to catch up on.” Usually when Emma says that she means she’s got a backlist of dating stories to tell me. She’s really into her career, almost as much as she’s into furiously swiping through dating apps. My friend likes to play the field. To
“see what’s out there,” as she puts it, before she settles down. She doesn’t have sex with all the men she goes out with, but she’s much more worldly and experienced than I am. We’re so alike in so many ways but when it comes to our ideas about dating, we couldn’t be more different. “I’ve got a lot to tell you too,” I say, knowing this will get a reaction. “Like what?” I can already hear the curiosity in her voice. “Don’t tell me there’s a boy,” she whispers, like she doesn’t want anyone overhearing her. “No.” I draw another little heart on the hotel stationery I’m doodling on, pausing for effect. “Definitely not a boy.” I wasn’t really thinking when I grabbed the small not epad from the penthouse when I scribbled the quick note for Ace, but now I’m glad I did. There were two of them there, side by side. I left the note on one and I took the other. And now it’s the one real thing I can look at and know that everything with Ace actually happened. Because without his real name or number or any other evidence that he actually existed, it sometimes feels like the whole thing was just a beautiful dream. “What? Dusty, you cannot leave me hanging like this! Who is he?” “Well, I met someone. And... we had fun.” “Does that mean you had sex? Oh my god, I can’t believe it! Hallelujah, she finally got laid!” “Would you stop.” “Who is he? Tell me everything.” “He’s... older.” She whispers a scream. “How much older?” “I don’t know. Late twenties. Maybe thirty.” “Ahh! How did you meet him? Is he from Austin? He’s not a work colleague, is he? Oh my god, don’t tell me it’s your boss. This isn’t why you’re moving, is it? It’s not like... awkward at the office?” I laugh. “No, it’s nothing like that. I met him in Hawaii.” Another excited squeal. “When are you going to see him again?” “I don’t think I will. It was... you know, just a one-time thing.” “But do you want it to be more than that?” “I mean... I don’t really know, but even if I did, I don’t think it could be more than that.” Emma pauses, letting the silence hang between us for a moment. “Dust?” “What?” “Are you okay?” “Yeah, I’m fine.” “I think you should call him.” I sigh without meaning to. “I can’t.” “Why not?” “We didn’t give each other our numbers. We sort of made this deal, on the spot, that we would just go with it. And it seemed like...” I don’t know what it seemed like. It seemed like that was a good excuse to bone the guy into next week and not have to deal with the consequences. “... it seemed like a good idea at the time.” “Don’t tell me you didn’t get his last name.” I brace myself for her reaction. “I didn’t even get his first name. We sort of... made up nicknames for each other.” “You kinky girl.” Emma sounds almost impressed. I laugh, glad she can’t see me blushing. Yes, I offered myself to a hot stranger in positions I’ve never even heard of, basically transforming into a sex addict for one night only. I don’t mention this to Emma. “I’m sure we can find him. What company did he work for? There must be clues. Give me every shred of info. Cyberstalking men is my specialty.” “I really don’t know much at all.” I shove the not epad back into my bag and wait until two joggers go past the bench I’m sitting on. “What did you do, bolt first thing in the morning?” “Yeah, kind of.” “Shit,” she laughs. “Dusty Rose, you slut—and no, I’m not slut- shaming you. I’m wildly impressed. I’m sure we can find him. You met him at a conference. There must be a list of delegates, right?” “They don’t list them online, for protection. Anyway, he said he wasn’t there for the conference. Not directly.”
“It can’t take much to just look up the companies that were r epresented and then research their employees. Do you know what company he works for?” “No. We didn’t discuss that.” We were too busy fucking like rabbits. “There were over a hundred companies at the conference. Besides, he might not have even been with one of them. He said he was there to meet about some fund he was buying.” I can practically hear Emma’s ears prick up. “He was buying a fund? Holy shit. Did he seem loaded?” I bite my lip, remembering every detail. “He took me to the penthouse suite of the hotel, so, yes, I guess he did.” Emma squeals with glee. “Oh my god! Bagging the billionaire! I never in a million years saw my down-to-earth Dusty Rose going for that type, but I have to say I like this look on you.” “Emma. I didn’t go back to his room with him because he seemed loaded. I didn’t know he was in the penthouse until after we’d already decided to... go with it. It was more than that. He was just so...” “So what?” “So perfect.” Emma goes quiet for a few seconds. “Oh, fuck. You didn’t fall for him, did you?” “Of course not. It was one night. We just had a...” What to tell her? That Ace was the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen, with the perfect body, the perfect cock, the dirtiest mouth, and that he knew exactly how to use all of the above until I was moaning, begging and crying his not-quite-real- name? “... a meeting of the minds.” “Girl, we have to find him.” “I honestly wouldn’t know how. Which means this is the universe telling me it’s best this way.” “Do not give me that woo-woo bullshit,” Emma scolds. “Trust me, perfect men do not materialize very often, if at all. I’ve never met one and I’ve looked under every rock in Manhattan. We need to search for him.” “Even if I did find him and we saw each other again, all it would do is shatter the illusion. No one can be that perfect in real life. It was a fantasy night in a fantasy place. Just like in one of your books.” “Not unless he’s a zombie,” she laughs. “God, Dusty, I’m just so happy for you. Are you okay? I mean... was it good for you?” I almost feel emotional at the question. “Yeah. It was.” So much more than good. “I’m glad I waited for him.” “Oh, hell, honey. He must have really been something special.” “He was.” “Are you sure you didn’t pick up any details we can use to find him?” “I’ve tried. There’s nothing. It’s fine. I’m okay with that.” I have to be okay with that. “I still think it’s worth a shot,” Emma insists. “We need to have a pow- wow when you get here and go through everything.” “We can try. It’s unlikely though, Em.” She sighs. “Well, in that case, there are plenty more fish in the sea, girlfriend. We’ll hit New York. We have thousands of loaded hedge fund guys here for you to live out your billionaire fantasies with.” “Yeah. Sure.” But I feel sort of devastated at the thought. And I know that “hitting” New York isn’t going to get Ace out of my head, any more than hitting Austin would. Our entire night together plays in a near-constant loop in my brain. So much so that it’s making me wonder if there’s any coming back from this particular brand of intoxication. It was the searing intimacy of the whole thing that’s freaking me out. It wasn’t only physical. It was emotional. We got each other so high it felt almost spiritual. I’m not going to bother trying to explain to Emma that I felt closer to Ace—a man I literally know nothing about and who I spent a
total of twelve hours with from beginning to end—than I’ve ever felt to anyone before. Ever. And that feels dangerous. “Sweetie, I have to go,” Emma says, “but I want to hear a lot more about your night with the hot billionaire. I’ll call you later. In the meantime, let me know if I can help with any of your planning. And don’t get distracted from your dream job by daydreaming constantly about some guy with a perfect dick—not that it probably is perfect, you realize. You need a few more to compare it to first.” “Nope. No more dick, thank you very much. No dating. Business as usual. Laser focus.” “Got it out of your system for now?” She giggles lightly. “Exactly.” If only that were true.