Clarke Something was palpably different between Leith and me as he led me through the gym and out the door. The ground we’d been walking on for the past month and a half was shifting beneath our feet. The world we’d built together was tilting, and even though I should be scared, I wasn’t. I wasn’t scared when Leith pressed my back against the passenger door of his truck. I wasn’t scared when I felt his mouth on my neck or when his hand trailed from the small of my back to the back of my thigh and pulled it up around him. I wasn’t scared at all. I was ready. “Clarke,” he breathed into the side of my neck. “I want to break the rules. Can we... please?” His voice broke on the last word as he begged. I wanted more. “No,” I said. “Not yet.” Leith pulled back from where his mouth had been attached between my neck and collarbone. His eyes were desperate and wild as he searched my face. His shoulders moved up and down with his breath. Satisfaction bloomed in my chest, and I felt a smile stretch my lips. Sometimes, when I was with Leith, I didn’t know what came over me. I just felt... light. Maybe not completely carefree, but the closest to free I have ever felt. He made it easy to forget everything else, especially that this was fake. When I was lucid enough to remember that, I knew I wouldn’t get out of this thing with Leith unscathed. Still, I couldn’t bring myself to care... I ached to be uninhibited for just a little bit. “You are trying to kill me,” he groaned. “And I think I like it.” Well, that made two of us. “Tell you what. I’ll let you break the rules”—Leith immediately went for my mouth, but I stopped him with a hand on his chest—“if you show me you can be good.” “Fuck.” He swallowed. “I’m obsessed with you,” he said quietly—more to himself than me, I think. “Show me,” I said again. I pushed up on my tiptoes until my mouth was centimeters from his. “And I’ll let you break the rules.” “God,” he said and then put his mouth back on my neck. His hands were all over me—like he couldn’t decide where he wanted them. “Get in the truck.” He popped the door open behind me and scooped me onto the seat. He cupped my face in one of his hands as he dragged his thumb across my bottom lip. “Do you want me to show you here?” “My house,” I said. “Done.” He nodded. He covered my whole mouth with his thumb before kissing it—like the stage kiss we had to do in the ninth grade when we performed a scene from Romeo and Juliet. The memory came roaring into my head like a freight train. I hadn’t thought about that in a very long time. “That feels like cheating,” I breathed. His mouth moved to my jaw, to my ear. “The rule is no kissing on the mouth.” His voice was low in my ear. “Did my mouth touch yours?” “No, but—” “No buts,” he cut me off. “Now, do you want me to take you home, or do you want to stay in this parking lot discussing technicalities?” In response, I unwrapped my legs from his middle and positioned myself correctly in the truck—even put my seatbelt on for good measure. “That’s what I thought.” As soon as he closed the door and headed for the driver’s side, though, I unbuckled my seatbelt and slid across the bench seat, so I was right next to him when he got in. “Naughty girl,” he muttered when I slid my hand over his thigh.
“I only said you had to be good—not me.” “And thank fuck for that.” The truck roared to life, and Leith whipped us out of the parking spot and onto the road in record time. “Come here,” he said and wrapped his arm around my shoulder. I moved my hand up his thigh, over his hip, up his abdomen, across his chest and back again. “Are you trying to make me crash this truck?” he breathed. “That would put a damper on the evening, wouldn’t it?” I said and kissed the side of his neck. The steering wheel jerked when my lips touched his skin, and I reveled in the power I seemed to have over him. I’d never felt like this before. “Cool it,” Leith said. His voice was strained. “I really really would rather not die before I got to touch you again.” The speed limit through town was thirty miles an hour, and there were signs on the road that said slow down through town, since everybody was partial to speeding. Leith was no exc eption right now. When I looked at his speedometer, he was pushing fifty-five. He tightened his arm around me when he turned the corner down my road. Good thing, too, because if he didn’t, I might’ve flown to the other side of the truck, and I didn’t want to leave his side. “Almost there.” My lips were on his neck again, and his head fell back a little before his spine went ramrod straight. “Focus, Leith,” he muttered to himself. I’d never seen him so worked up —so flustered. I liked it. A lot. I barely registered that he’d pulled his truck into my driveway, but Leith was on the move. He opened the driver’s-side door, hopped out, and pulled me out with him. Before I could get my feet under me, he threw me over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. I let out a shocked laugh. “Where are your keys?” he said. “Shit,” I said. I had been so distracted that I forgot I’d left my keys in my truck in the high school parking lot because I didn’t have a purse. “The spare is on top of the doorframe.” “That’s pretty obvious and unsafe,” Leith said. “But I’ll worry about that tomorrow.” I felt him reach for the top of the doorframe and feel for the key, then unlock the door. He locked it again after he shut it. “Hey, Pearl,” he said. “Which door is your room?” “Door to the right of the fridge,” I said. When Leith got past the couch, I saw Pearl. The old girl didn’t even lift her head at me being carried through the house. “Bad guard dog,” I said. “But I love you anyway.” “She knows she doesn’t have to protect you from me.” Leith opened my bedroom door, and I had never been more grateful that I was a weekly resetting, bed-making, laundry-sorting type of woman. Before I knew it, my back was on my bed, and Leith was on me— p eppering me with kisses everywhere but my mouth—doing exactly what he was told. “Why do you have so many pillows?” he asked against my throat while he put one arm around my waist and moved me up the bed. “And there are so many ruffles.” “How far do you want to go tonight?” Leith asked as he kissed his way over my chest and down to my stomach. “I-I don’t know,” I admitted. “That feels like a big question...” with an even bigger answer. “Okay,” Leith said and stood at the end of my bed. “I’ll start smaller, then.” He slipped out of his suit jacket, took off his tie, unbuttoned the first few buttons on his shirt, and started to roll the sleeves of his button-down up to his forearms. He had his eyes on me the whole time, and I felt it from my head to my toes.
“Can I take these off?” he asked, gesturing toward my feet. I nodded, and Leith went to work gently undoing the ankle straps on my heels at the same time he st epped out of his own shoes. Something about this part felt more intimate than anything else. “Can I go down on you again?” “That’s starting small?” I laughed. “I started with the shoes,” he r eplied. “And compared to what I want to do to you and with you, yes.” “Oh,” I said dumbly, and one side of Leith’s mouth tipped up, as he waited for my answer. “Y-yes,” I said. “I want that.” “Good,” Leith said and crawled back up my body like my perfect predator. “I do too.” His hand skated up my thigh, dragging my dress higher with it until he hit the holster I’d had the flask in. “This was fucking devious, Clarke.” He pulled it down my leg and threw it on the floor. “I didn’t want to carry my purse.” Which was only half true. “I think you did it on purpose,” Leith said as his hand made its way back up my leg again. That’s all he’d done to me in the past five minutes, and I already felt like I was going to explode. His hand went higher this time, until it was cupping my hip under my dress, and then Leith’s mouth was at my jaw. His hand was roaming—like it was searching for something. “Clarke”—Leith nipped at my neck—“are you not wearing any underwear?” “I didn’t want underwear lines,” I said. “You always have an explanation, don’t you?” Leith said. His breath was hot on my skin. “And it’s never the one I want.” “What do you mean?” “Figure it out,” he r eplied and moved his way back down my body until he settled between my legs. I moved my gaze to the ceiling—where the stars were. I was suddenly nervous. I felt my body tense up for the first time tonight. “Look at me, honey,” Leith said softly but firmly. “Stay here with me. Please.” It took a lot to tear my eyes away from my ceiling and follow Leith’s voice. I had always d epended on my lucky stars when I felt overwhelmed. But maybe I could d epend on Leith too. When our gazes locked together, Leith lowered his mouth to my center. I gasped at the contact. I saw him smile for a second before he turned his focus solely on the task at hand. His licks were languid, like he was savoring the taste of me. My back arched as he picked up his pace, but not enough. He stayed steady. I rocked my hips into his mouth, but he held me in place with his hand that was wrapped around my thigh. I felt the pad of his tongue press down on my clit, and I jerked. “Fuck,” I moaned. I wanted more—I needed more. But he wouldn’t give it to me. He continued at the same pace—not slow, not fast, but just the right speed and intensity to ke ep me chasing the edge of the cliff. “More,” I gasped. “I need more.” Instead, he stopped. “What the hell, Leith?” I demanded, lifting my head up from my pillow. The grin on his face was smug. “Stay here,” he said, standing up. “I’ll be back.” “Are you fucking kidding me?” In response, he slid out my bedroom door. I flopped back down on the bed, breathing heavily. It felt like he was gone for at least fifteen minutes, though realistically, it was probably just one. When he returned, he had a cup in his hand. “I want this all the way off now,” he said—tugging at my dress. I didn’t help him. “And I want to have an orgasm,” I said. Leith laughed. “Patience, honey,” he said. “You’re the one who won’t let me devour your mouth like I want to—I have to get creative.” “How?” “Dress. Off.” Annoyed and turned on, I sat up and pulled my dress up over my head. Leith took it from me and threw it on the floor. I moved to my knees, so I
was eye level with where he stood at the side of my bed. I moved my hands down the panes of his chest until I got to his waistband. I could see that he was hard under his dress pants. Leith took what looked like a sip from the cup while I explored, but his eyes never left me. I went for his belt, but he stopped me before I could explore any further, tackling me back down onto the bed. And then his mouth is on my neck, and it’s cold. I gasped. There was ice in his mouth. He moved down and dragged his mouth with the ice cube across my nipple. As it melted from the heat of his mouth and my body, cold water dripped down to my stomach, down my ribs. “Fuck,” I moaned. The cold didn’t feel good, but it also felt kind of great. I wanted less. I wanted more. I wanted it all. He dragged the ice down the middle of my abdomen and left the remainder of the ice cube in my belly button before he grabbed another from the cup on my nightstand, and then his face is back between my thighs. I feel the ice cube at my entrance, then on my clit as he moves it with his tongue. My body bucked—both at the cold and the pleasure. Moans fell from my mouth, and it spurred Leith on as my body wound itself tighter. When Leith slid a finger inside of me, I cried out. It’s too much. “Please,” I said—even though I don’t know what I’m asking for. “I’ve got you, honey,” he said. Then the cold was gone, and I’m ready to go off the edge. “You can let go.” And I trust Leith, so I did what he said. I let go. The coil that my spine has wound itself into springs, and pleasure washed over me. Leith put his mouth on me again, devouring my orgasm and me at the same time. “You did so good, honey,” Leith said. “You did so good.” When I come down, he moved up my body and pulled me to him. “Kiss me,” I begged. “Please just fucking kiss m—” Then, Leith’s mouth is on mine. He isn’t close enough, though. I clutch at his back. “Can you taste yourself?” he says against my mouth. I nod into the kiss, and Leith kisses me harder. His tongue explores my mouth, and his hips rolled into mine a few times. It’s like he can’t help it. All the control he had while he was focused on me is gone, and now he’s possessed by the aftermath. I finally get at his belt and fumble with it until I get it undone. I stuck my hand down his pants to grab his cock, and now it’s his turn to gasp. “Fuck, Clarke,” he rasps. “Unless you want me to be quick off the mark again, I need you to give me a second.” “I’m starting to have doubts about your stamina, Leith,” I said— sarcasm dripping from my tone. “Is that what you call a luxury experience?” “You are a shit,” he said blandly, and a laugh es caped me—a big, belly one. “Maybe you make me nervous.” “I like knowing that’s what I do to you,” I said as I dragged my fingers up and down his bare back. I think I scratched it at some point. “But I didn’t even know you get nervous.” Truly, Leith was the most confident person I knew. Until the last couple of months, I interpreted that confidence as cockiness. “Maybe because I’m nervous around you all the time,” he said. “So you just think that’s my natural state of being.” “You can do what I do,” I said. “Look at the lucky stars.” Leith followed my gaze to my ceiling. “God, those are a throwback,” he said. “Collins and I had these in our bedroom growing up. I’ve never sl ept very well. But the stars... I would look at the stars on the ceiling and it became my own ritual that calmed me down and k ept me in my body—k ept me relaxed even if I couldn’t sle ep.”
“Why don’t you sle ep very well?” he asked. I wanted to tell him the truth—about the buzzing and the anxiety, but I couldn’t. “Headaches.” “I’m sorry,” he said. “Have you seen a doctor yet?” “No,” I said, and I could’ve left it there. I could’ve lied. Instead, I said: “They’re not really medical, more like... metaphysical.” I wanted Leith to know me. “Like... supernatural?” Leith’s voice was still even. “There’s just not a rational explanation for them.” “But there’s an irrational one?” I nodded. Waiting for the other shoe to drop. Waiting for the bubble of this teenage dream I’ve been living to burst because I had to open my stupid mouth. Leith nodded slowly. “I’m going to kiss you again, okay?” “Finally,” I said with a smile. “I thought you were just going to let me ramble on all night.” “I thought about it,” he said. “I like listening to you, but I really like kissing you too.” His mouth met mine. This time, the kiss was slow, exploratory, and thoughtful—like Leith was trying to memorize me. He grabbed my hip and pulled our bodies flush. I felt powerful. Protected. When he rolled on top of me, I sighed into the kiss. He propped himself up on his elbow while his other hand skated all over my body—teasing. I craved more, wanted him to grab me harder or linger in one place for longer, but he didn’t. He k ept winding me back up with his nonurgency. I felt him hard against me, and I craved the feeling of him inside of me. “I want you,” I said against his mouth. “Please.” Leith pushed himself up, so he hovered above me. He leaned down to kiss my forehead. “I want you too,” he said softly. “So... pants off?” “Pants off,” he agreed with a grin before he got off the bed and started to take his clothes off. I immediately missed the weight of him on top of me, but this view was pretty damn good. “Will you think I’m an asshole for putting a condom in my pocket?” I tried not to laugh. “No, I think you’re pr epared, and I am very attracted to pr eparedness.” “You’re perfect,” he said as he pounced on me again. He set the foil packet on the pillow next to my head. “I can’t wait to be inside you.” “What are you waiting for?” I asked and craned my neck to kiss him, and then I grabbed the condom. “Can I?” Leith’s Adam’s apple bobbed, and he nodded. “Words, honey,” I said to him. “Y-yeah.” Both of us sat up—Leith on his knees. I tore the wrapper open with my teeth. Then I placed the ring of silicone between my lips, leaned forward, and slid it up his length using my mouth. “Holy fuck,” Leith groaned. I moved back down his length slowly, and once my mouth was free, Leith wasted no time in flipping me on my stomach and pushing one of my knees up toward my waist. “Look back at me, honey,” he said. “I want to see what I do to you.” I pushed up on my elbows and did what he asked, and then I felt him pushing into me slowly. I gasped. Leith moaned, his breaths short and shallow. “I fucking knew you’d feel like this.” “Like what?” My voice was embarrassingly breathy. “Perfect for me,” he said. “Fuck. How do you feel?” “Full,” I said. “Can you go slow? I want to feel it all.” “You’re going to ruin me,” he said. His voice was strangled as he started to move inside of me. Slow—just like I asked. His hand had a grip on my hip that I knew was going to leave a mark. Everything about this was overwhelming. There was so much sensation, I couldn’t even begin to sort through it or make meaning of it. All I knew was that I wanted this. I wanted Leith.
Both of our words descended into moans and sighs as Leith took me. I k ept my gaze on him the entire time. I watched his chest heave and sweat drip down his neck. I watched his eyes go wild. I watched his head tip back and his mouth open in pleasure as he came. “Holy shit,” he said when he collapsed next to me. He pulled me into his arms, and I looked up at my ceiling as he stroked my hair. Maybe this was all I needed: Leith and my lucky stars.