Lena
Lena leaned against the railing of the rooftop terrace, the city sprawling out below her, its lights twinkling in the
cool evening air. She wrapped her hands around a glass of wine, the weight of the week pressing heavily on her
shoulders. Emily stood beside her, a beer in hand, her expression equal parts curiosity and concern as she
glanced at Lena. “Alright,” Emily said, breaking the silence. “What’s going on? You’ve got that tight-jawed,
bottled-up look you get when you’re trying to ke ep it all together. Spill.” Lena sighed, her gaze fixed on the
skyline. “It’s just... everything,” she admitted finally. “The job, the divorce, David... it’s like every part of my
life decided to fall apart at the same time. I can’t seem to get a handle on anything.” Emily took a long sip of her
beer, her brow furrowing. “You don’t have to handle it all, you know,” she said. “Not alone. That’s what friends
are for.” Lena turned to her, her lips twitching into a faint, tired smile. “Thanks, Em. But I’m just... trying to
stay upright. Ke ep moving forward.” Emily snorted softly. “Sometimes moving forward means letting it all out,
though. Scream into a pillow, punch a punching bag, throw something. I’ll even hold a target if you need it.”
Lena laughed, the sound soft and brief. “Tempting,” she said, swirling her wine in the glass. “But I’m trying to
channel my energy into
something more productive.” Emily’s expression turned serious as she leaned her elbows on the railing. “Have
you heard from him?” she asked. Lena didn’t need her to clarify. She sighed, setting her glass down on the edge
of the railing. “David’s been calling,” she said. “A lot. I decline the calls mostly. I don’t... I can’t. Not right
now.” “Good,” Emily said firmly, her voice low. “He doesn’t deserve your time after what he did.” Lena
nodded, but the weight of the situation still lingered in her chest. “It’s not that easy,” she said quietly. “I can’t
just turn off how I felt about him. How I still feel sometimes, no matter how much I hate it.” Lena set her wine
glass back on the railing, gripping the edge tightly as she stared out at the glittering skyline. The city stretched
endlessly before her, vibrant and alive, but she felt none of its energy. Instead, she felt hollow, the conversation
with Emily stirring emotions she’d been trying to bury. “I shouldn’t still love him,” she said suddenly, her voice
low and trembling. She didn’t look at Emily, ke eping her gaze fixed on the horizon as though it might offer
some answer. “After everything he’s done, after how much he’s hurt me... I shouldn’t. But I do.” Emily didn’t
respond immediately. Instead, she stood silently beside Lena, giving her the space to continue. “It’s like...”
Lena’s voice cracked, and she let out a sharp breath, forcing herself to ke ep talking. “I feel like an idiot for
holding onto any part of that love. How can I still care about someone who did what he did? Who lied to me,
betrayed me, humiliated me? I don’t want to feel anything for him. I want to hate him and move on and... and
not feel like this anymore.”
Emily finally spoke, her tone soft but firm. “Lena, you don’t have to justify your feelings. Love doesn’t just
switch off because someone screws up—no matter how badly. It’s messy, it’s painful, and it’s not fair. But it’s
not your fault.” Lena shook her head, her grip tightening on the railing until her knuckles turned white. “But it
feels like it is,” she said, her voice breaking. “Like I should’ve seen it coming. Like I should’ve been enough to
ke ep him from...” She trailed off, the words catching in her throat. Emily turned to face her, st epping closer.
“No,” she said firmly, her voice cutting through the tension like a blade. “Don’t you dare blame yourself for
this. What David did—that’s on him. Not you. You gave him everything, Lena. You loved him, you supported
him, you trusted him. And he’s the one who threw that away. Not you.” Lena blinked, tears threatening to spill
as she stared down at her trembling hands. She hated this—hated the vulnerability, the way her emotions felt so
raw, so exposed. She’d spent years building a life that was steady, controlled, successful. And now, it felt like
everything she’d worked for was in pieces, and her heart was still clinging to the person who had destroyed it.
“I just don’t know how to let go,” she admitted, her voice barely above a whisper. “Every time I think about
what he did, it hurts so much, but there’s still this... this part of me that misses him. And that makes it worse.
Like, how can I miss someone who’s capable of doing this to me?” Emily exhaled, her expression softening as
she placed a hand on Lena’s arm. “Because you’re human,” she said gently. “And because you loved him.
You’re allowed to feel hurt and angry and still miss what you thought you had. That doesn’t make you weak. It
makes you real.” Lena let out a shaky breath, the tears she’d been holding back finally spilling over. She swiped
at them angrily, hating the way they made her feel exposed. Emily didn’t say anything else, just stayed beside
her, her quiet presence grounding Lena in a way that words couldn’t.
“I just wish it didn’t hurt so much,” Lena murmured finally, her voice thick with emotion. Emily gave her arm a
comforting squeeze. “It will get better,” she said softly. “I know it doesn’t feel like it now, but it will. And until
it does, you’ve got me. We’ll get through this together.” Lena nodded, her throat too tight to speak. The tears
k ept coming, but she let them. Maybe, she thought, this was what she needed—not to bury the pain, but to feel
it, to let it pass through her instead of trying to fight it.
* * *
Lena lay on the hotel bed, the dim light of the bedside lamp casting long shadows across the room. Her eyes
were red and puffy from crying, her chest heavy with the weight of emotions she couldn’t seem to es cape. The
conversation with Emily had helped, but only for a moment. Now, as the night stretched on, she felt that same
gnawing ache de ep in her chest, the questions she’d been suppressing bubbling to the surface. Her phone
buzzed on the nightstand, the sound cutting through the quiet. She didn’t need to look to know who it was.
David had been calling every night, his name lighting up her screen like some kind of cruel joke. She always
ignored it. Always let it go to voicemail. But tonight, something in her broke. With trembling fingers, she
picked up the phone and swiped to answer. For a moment, she didn’t say anything, just held it to her ear, her
breathing shallow. “Lena?” David’s voice was tentative. “You answered.” She closed her eyes, the sound of his
voice hitting her like a wave. She wanted to hang up, to throw the phone across the room and scream, but
instead, she spoke. Her voice was low, strained. “Why did you call?”
David hesitated, the silence stretching between them. “I just... I needed to hear your voice,” he said finally, his
words soft, almost pleading. Lena laughed bitterly, the sound sharp and hollow. “You needed to hear my
voice?” she echoed. “That’s funny, David. Because you didn’t seem to need me very much when you were
screwing Natalia.” There was a sharp intake of breath on the other end of the line. “Lena, I—” “Don’t,” she
interrupted, her voice rising. “I want the truth. I want to know why.” She sat up, her grip on the phone
tightening. “Why did you choose her over me?” “I didn’t—” David started, but she cut him off again. “Yes, you
did!” she snapped, her voice cracking with the weight of her anger and pain. “You chose her, David. You let her
into our life, our bed. Why? Was she better than me? Was she smarter, prettier, more exciting? Tell me. I want
to know.” “Lena, stop, please,” David said, his voice breaking. “It wasn’t about her being better than you. It
wasn’t—” “Then what was it?” she demanded, her voice trembling. “What did she give you that I couldn’t?
Because I can’t stop wondering what I did wrong, what I wasn’t enough for you.” “You didn’t do anything
wrong,” David said quickly, his voice thick with emotion. “It wasn’t you, Lena. It was me. I was... I was weak,
and stupid, and selfish. I felt small, like I wasn’t enough for you, and Natalia— she made me feel important.
But it wasn’t real. None of it was real.” Lena’s laugh was sharp, bitter. “Oh, so you were lonely. Poor David.
Your wife was working too much, so you just had to find someone else to stroke your ego.”
“I’m not excusing it,” he said, sounding broken. “I know I screwed up, Lena. I know I destroyed everything we
had, and I hate myself for it. I wish I could take it back, but I can’t.” “Damn right, you can’t,” Lena shot back,
tears streaming down her face. “Do you have any idea what you’ve done to me? To us? I gave you everything,
David. Everything. And you threw it away for your ego? God, do you know how pathetic that sounds?” “I
know,” David whispered, his voice cracking. “I know, Lena. And I’ll hate myself for the rest of my life for
hurting you like this.” Her anger faltered, giving way to the raw ache beneath it. She wiped at her tears, her
voice softening but losing none of its bitterness. “You broke me, David. You broke us.” The line was silent for
a moment, his breathing the only sound she could hear. “I love you,” he said finally, his voice barely audible. “I
always will.” Lena closed her eyes, the weight of his words pressing down on her. She didn’t know if she
believed him. She didn’t know if it even mattered anymore. All she knew was that this traitorous love she still
felt for him was tearing her apart, and she didn’t know how to let it go. “I can’t do this,” she whispered, her
voice breaking. “I can’t ke ep talking to you.” “Lena—” he started, but she ended the call, her hand trembling as
she set the phone down. The silence of the room closed in around her again, but this time, it felt heavier,
suffocating. She buried her face in her hands, letting the tears come. She didn’t know how to stop loving him.
And she hated herself for it.