Nash “You just gonna let him take her?” I asked Asa while watching Tallulah walk off with Coach fucking D. I’d seen the way he’d looked at her. I was sure most men looked at her that way. But that asshole was a teacher at her school, and she was seventeen years old. Asa shrugged. “What else can I do? He’s right. I’ve had a few beers. Can’t have him calling my dad. Or her mom.” Weak. That excuse was weak. He was worried about the game. Getting to play. Not the fact Tallulah had gone off with a man ten years older than her. Hell, was I the only one who saw the man checking out her legs? It was pretty obvious. “He isn’t that stupid. He won’t compromise the game,” I r eplied, disgusted. This entire night shouldn’t have happened. “Besides why did you bring her here? To a field party? She doesn’t hang with this crowd.” Asa was the one who now looked annoyed. “Don’t be an ass. She lost weight.” And he thought I was being an ass. “Wasn’t talking about her weight. I was referring to her brain. She’s studious. Doesn’t party. Reads a lot. This isn’t her scene.” “You don’t know her scene. She was quiet and studious because she didn’t have friends. She’s a different person now. She’s incredibly hot. Fun to talk to.
Nice.” This conversation was annoying me with every word out of his mouth. I needed to drop it. But I didn’t. “She’s the same person. She was always all those things. She just looks different now. You’re all fucking shallow.” Even as I said the words, I felt a twinge of guilt. Just because I’d spoken to her in the past didn’t mean I had found her attractive. I hadn’t been knocking at her door either. But at least I wasn’t using her sudden outward appearance as the reason she is fun to talk to. “How do you know? Until she showed up today, none of us knew her. I never saw you hanging around her before.” I wouldn’t be thrown in the same disgusting clump as them. I had been nice to her. “First grade. She sat three seats in front of me. Was nervous and shy. The teacher never pronounced her name correctly, and after a few times of correcting her and getting ignored, Tallulah stopped saying anything. I spoke up. Miss Barker got it right from then on. Third grade, she finished last in the one-mile run we did during PE. She was walking and breathing hard. None of you paid attention to the others laughing at her. Making jokes. I went over and told her she did great. I gave her my bottle of water since all of them were gone. Fourth grade, she fell and spilled her tray of food all over the cafeteria floor. While everyone laughed and said things like it was good she would miss a meal, I helped her up. Walked her to the bathroom so she could clean the red Jell-O off her shorts. Then gave her my tray of food—” “Eleventh grade, I made a joke about her in a swimsuit, and you laughed. You laughed and never thought anything about it. Stop being so damn
high and mighty. We are all the same. The girl was fat—we didn’t notice her. She’s thin now, and we are all looking.” Ryker’s interruption was like a slap in the face. I let my memory go back. To that day. To the last day of school last year. It was one week before I decided to play football in Ryker’s backyard with a bunch of friends and family members at the Memorial Day barbecue we had each year. The backyard game that would ruin everything for me. I didn’t think about that. I thought about the week before. I saw Tallulah leaving school. Her arms full and a look of relief on her face. She was glad the year was over, just like us. I spoke to her. It had never been a good-deed thing or a pity thing. I just liked her smile. Her eyes were so damn blue, and her smile was always real. It was also rare. But I could make her smile, and I liked it. I wanted to do it. Made me smile in return. That day, though... after seeing her smile, my mind was right back on the date I had with Blakely that night and the sex I would be getting. I hadn’t thought much more about Tallulah. Then Ryker... I paused and looked at him now. Studied his face. Let his words r eplay in my head. He’d made a joke about Tallulah in a bathing suit. No one needing to see that. Or something to that affect. I wasn’t paying attention to him. My head was elsewhere. But I laughed. Ryker laughed and I joined him. Turning my head toward the line of trees Tallulah had long since walked through, it was like a brick wall had just slammed into my chest. She had heard him... us. He hadn’t said it quietly. She had heard it.
She had heard me laugh. My shoulders dropped, and I closed my eyes tightly. A pain squeezed my chest. Damn. I understood now. Her anger today. The words she almost said and didn’t. She had heard Ryker make a joke at her expense. But I knew it wasn’t the first time she’d heard a joke about her weight. We hadn’t been the first people to laugh at her. So why was she so angry? Not at Ryker, but at me? Because I had been nice to her in the past? That didn’t seem fair. I should have been forgiven. I had good karma in my pocket to make up for the one mistake. The one stupid mistake I wish I could take back. It was done now, and I owed her an apology. “Let’s go,” Ryker said then, breaking the silence. “I didn’t mean to laugh,” I told him. Even though it made no difference to him either way. He looked confused. “What?” This conversation was pointless. “Nothing. I’ll go put out the fire. Y’all get the garbage. You know we can’t leave the field like this. Not if we expect to ke ep using it.” Our grandfather would have both our asses if we did. Ryker nodded and went to start cleaning. He barked at the others still standing around to help. I focused on making sure the blaze was out. I didn’t like that Coach D had taken Tallulah home. Something was off there. It didn’t seem as if he were doing it in a helpful way. Not when he was checking out her body. She was too damn naïve to even notice. I doubted she’d ever been kissed. There was no way Asa had already made it that far with her. She may look
different, but she was the same inside. Angry at me, sure. But now I knew why. I could fix that. I wanted to fix it. This was the first thing I wanted to do since I had gotten hurt. Tallulah had a great smile. It made bad things seem less important. Like she saw a rainbow around the corner. Her eyes didn’t twinkle with flirty intentions. She didn’t even know how to do that. It was refreshing. I had enjoyed that about her. I missed it. I was going to make sure I got that smile again. I was done losing shit. I’d lost enough already.