Tallulah I wasn’t scared of heights. Not normal heights. So I hadn’t been lying to Nash when he had asked. I thought of heights like climbing into the attic, or the tree house I always wanted as a kid but my mother was too scared to build for me. I didn’t think Nash had been asking if I was scared of climbing a sixty-foot water tower. When he had driven up here and I realized I was meant to climb this thing... I’d considered backing out, telling him no way. But the look of excitement in his eyes as he waited on my response k ept me from doing that. I figured it was a slim chance I’d fall to my death. I’d more likely die in a car accident than fall off this water tower. Now that we were up here looking out at the town we both called home, I was glad I hadn’t let fear stop me. I hadn’t really been concerned we would get arrested. I knew the cops were all waiting on the game to start. Doing their due diligence to make it safe as the opposing team arrived and the roads began to fill up leading into the parking lot. The police had simply been my excuse. “Are you still planning on standing on the sidelines tonight?” I asked him after we finished our dinner. He nodded. “Yeah. I am.” His gaze was out on that field as his friends warmed up and the band played in the stands. Although we couldn’t hear them, we both knew they were pumped up and calling out whatever football players yell at one another before a game to pr epare themselves mentally. The grass would be
freshly cut, and the smell of grilled meat would fill the air as the concession stand got ready to feed the fans. My heart ached for him. I’d never loved anything like that. Never had something be that important to me. It had to be a void in his life. “What happened? To your leg?” I asked before I could think that through and stop myself. He sighed and turned his gaze to me. “A stupid backyard game of football. We do it every year on Memorial Day. Most folks just play flag or touch when not wearing pads. But we like to tackle. Makes it more fun.” He looked pained as he said it. “Never thought once that it could change everything. I thought I was invincible. The harder the hit I took or gave the better. I was tough. I was an idiot.” He closed his eyes briefly and shook his head. The memory was hard on him. I wished I hadn’t asked. If I could have taken back my question, I would have. Go back to the witty banter and laughter from earlier. That’s what he needed right now, not being reminded of all he’d lost. “I couldn’t move my leg. I’d never felt that kind of pain before. The world began to fade in and out from the severity of it. But I wouldn’t let myself pass out. Not from pain. I had to stay awake. I needed to know what was wrong. I thought I’d broken something... I thought, ‘Damn, I hope it’s better before practice starts up.’ But what I never considered was I’d have a torn ACL, torn MCL, and a pinned ankle. A fucking
limp for the rest of my life.” I didn’t know much about sports injuries, but I’d heard ACL tears were bad. Really bad. But he had more than that. Way more. “I’m so sorry.” Seemed inadequate as I said it, but it came out of my mouth anyway. Because I was sorry. I wished he could go back and not play the game. I knew he wished it more than anyone. “Me too. I figure I’ll always be sorry,” he r eplied. There was a heaviness over us now. The easy happy feeling from before completely gone. That was my fault. He’d needed to forget not re cap. Especially before this game. I thought hard on anything else I could say to lighten the mood. Change the subject without seeming as if I didn’t care. “I shouldn’t have asked. This wasn’t what you needed to be thinking about.” The corner of his mouth lifted, and he turned his gaze back to me. “Blakely never asked. All she knew was I was hurt. I had to go to therapy, and I wouldn’t be playing football anymore. She didn’t even come to the hospital for my surgeries. She said hospitals made her nervous and smelled funny.” I didn’t care for Blakely. I never had. She was self-absorbed. I had watched her when he had started dating her last year. I couldn’t understand why he didn’t see that she cared only for herself. He was a nice guy. They didn’t fit. “She didn’t deserve you,” I told him. “I knew that when you started dating her.”
He shifted his body until he was facing me completely. “You should have told me. Saved me the trouble.” He was teasing now. His tone lighter. His eyes no longer held the shadows of his loss. “Didn’t figure you wanted my opinion on your love life.” He laughed then. “Sex life, Tallulah. There was no love there. Unless you count the love Blakely has for herself.” My cheeks burned at the word sex. Which was silly. We were seventeen. I was quite possibly the only girl in my grade who hadn’t had sex. I hadn’t even kissed a guy. Not even a peck. I needed to watch my HBO. Get over my awkwardness with the word sex. “Why are you blushing?” he asked with a full grin now on his handsome face. I shrugged. I tried to think of a believable lie and decided against it. The truth was better. Besides, it wasn’t like the truth would shock him. He knew what I looked like last year. He also knew I hid in corners and had no social life. “I am not used to talking about sex with... guys.” “So me saying ‘sex life’ made you blush?” I nodded. “Interesting. What if I say ‘blow job’?” His laughter got louder as my cheeks became an even brighter shade of red. I covered my face with my hands and tried desperately to make myself stop. His laughter stopped. “I’m sorry,” he said, still sounding amused. I had wanted to get his thoughts off his injury. I should be glad I’d achieved it. His hand touched my arm and gently tugged my left hand away from my face. “I shouldn’t have laughed. It’s cute. Fucking refreshing,” he added.
I dropped my other hand and lifted my head back up. Turning to him, I smiled. “It’s embarrassing.” He shook his head. “No, it’s not.” His voice had dropped and sounded more serious. I stared at his eyes, trying to figure out why when he began to move closer to me. His head lowering, his body easing my way until there was no space between us. I knew it was coming. Even though it had never happened to me before. I guess it was instinct. You just knew. When his mouth touched mine, I forgot to breathe. It was the most exotic feeling in the world. The softness of his lips brushing over mine. His breath warm against my face. Even his heartbeat was fast against my chest. Or was that mine? I wasn’t sure. All I knew was this was my first kiss, and I couldn’t imagine anything ever being this perfect.