Tallulah After the complete shock of what had just happened sunk in, I jumped up, tripping over the chair I had been sitting in, and moved back. Away. Far away. Had that really just happened? I’d been laughing with Mr. Dace about his bad computer skills; then he was down here beside me telling me how much he appreciated me. I had felt a little uncomfortable by the closeness. He had touched my face and told me I was beautiful. He said he wished he was younger or that I was older. I had no words and wanted to leave just as his mouth covered mine. This was definitely not okay. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. I just... I think about you all the time. I can’t get you out of my head.” He was talking again. Saying things that I couldn’t believe. He was my teacher. This wasn’t right. I shook my head and backed up, then decided I better run. He called out my name as my hands opened his door frantically. My heart was pounding in my chest, and tears stung my eyes. I realized I was scared. I wasn’t sure of what. He had just kissed me, but I was new to all this. To guys being attracted to me. I wasn’t ready to have a grown man’s attention. I didn’t want it. Had I done something to make him think I did? I stumbled out of his room after fumbling with the door in my panicked state.
“Tallulah!” He called out my name again, but I k ept running. I’d left my book bag behind. In his room. My keys were in that bag. I had no way to get home. A tear rolled down my face, and I k ept running. I had no idea where I was going to run. So I turned and ran into the women’s restroom. Stopping at the sink, I grabbed it for support and looked at the wide-eyed scared girl in the mirror. What had happened today? How had things gone from good to this? Was this my fault? Had I made Mr. Dace think this was okay? That I wanted it? I didn’t even have my phone. It, too, was in my backpack. I was without anything. I couldn’t call... Nash. That’s who I wanted to call. That’s who I wanted to run to. But I had no way to call or leave. I was stuck. The door to the restroom opened, and I spun around to see Mr. Dace standing there. He looked upset. He had his hands in the front pockets of his jeans and didn’t look scary or intimidating at all. I backed up anyway. “This is the ladies’ restroom.” I pointed out the obvious. “I’m sorry, Tallulah. I shouldn’t.” He paused and ran a hand over his face with a sigh. “That was wrong. I don’t have an excuse for it. I sure as hell didn’t mean to scare you.” Well he had. “Why did you do it?” I blurted out, then backed up more. I wanted distance. He lifted his head, and his eyes were sad. He seemed lost. In pain. Lonely. “Because I’m in love with you. I’ve fought it since day one. The first time I saw you. But you’re impossible to resist. I can’t help how my heart feels.”
I shook my head no. “Mr. Dace,” I said. “Jack. Please... my name is Jack. I want to hear you call me by my name.” Was he serious? This wasn’t okay. Why me? I never acted like I wanted this. Did I? “Mr. Dace,” I said, refusing to say his first name. “I don’t think you know me enough to love me.” He chuckled softly. “What do you know about love, Tallulah? You’re so damn innocent. I’ve watched you, studied you, been fucking fascinated with you from the moment you walked into my room. So yes, sweetheart, I know that I love you. There is no question in my mind.” I wasn’t that naïve. Love took time. It took knowing someone. It took a lot more than thinking you know them because you have observed them. Like with Nash. I thought I loved him before. But I hadn’t known him really. I did now. And... I knew I loved him. Even with his flaws. I had my own set of flaws. No one was perfect. Nash would make mistakes, just like I would. It didn’t make me love him less. “He flirts with other girls all the time. When you aren’t watching, he looks at them. He doesn’t know how to love. Teenage boys never do. They need to grow up first. Don’t give your heart to a guy who can’t cherish it. Because yours is special. So incredibly special.” What was he talking about? Had I said I loved Nash out loud?
“He will hurt you again and again if you let him. I see how you look at him. It makes me insane with jealousy. If he understood what he had, he wouldn’t be running around with that other kid trying to become famous. He wants a life out of here. He lost his football future, and he’s working on making a new one. You’re not in that life, Tallulah. You’re just the girl from high school. The one he likes. The one who’s prettier than the others. The one who makes him feel important again. But you are so much more than that.” He took a st ep toward me, and I had nowhere else to back up to this time. But I didn’t need to. He wasn’t going to attack me. He was just trying to warn me. About things I needed to hear. I didn’t know boys. He was right. I was naïve. Innocent. Clueless. And loving Nash was probably a mistake. “I don’t want to lose you. I won’t touch you again... if you don’t want me to. But don’t pull away from me. Please.” His voice was strained. I found it odd he wasn’t begging me not to say anything. Or to ke ep it a secret because he would lose his job. That didn’t seem to be his concern. I was his concern. I didn’t want it to, but that made me feel special. It was warped, but I still felt important. As if losing me was harder than losing his job. “I need to get my backpack from your room and go home. This, I don’t know how to deal with this. Just give me time to think it through. Maybe see if I can understand it.” He st epped back and gave me a small nod. “Sure. Whatever you need. I’m here. If you want me to be.”
I was going to have to walk past him to get to the door. I didn’t think he was going to reach out and grab me, but I was stiff and nervous anyway as I made my way to the door. The hallway was empty, and I turned to look back at him. “It’s clear.” I wasn’t protecting him as much as I was protecting me. I didn’t want a rumor started about me in the restroom with a teacher. “If you need me, Tallulah, you can always call.” I simply nodded and went to get my things. I was never going to call Mr. Dace. That much I was sure of. I might want to work on getting tougher in order to not fall apart when Nash did hurt me, but I wasn’t going to get Mr. Dace to help me. I was going to ke ep my distance. This was wrong, and I hadn’t asked for it. I had thought he was a good teacher. I’d completely misunderstood his intentions. I was so naïve. Pausing, I glanced back at him. “You know there are about ten other girls easily that would have been a better choice. They’d have wanted your attention.” He gave me a sad smile. “I didn’t want to love a student. But we can’t control our heart.”