“I saw you, okay?” Shannen blurted. “I saw you and Ally kissing on your
birthday .”
I shook my head, trying to process how that was even possible. How it
mattered at all right now . “What are you talking about?”
“On your birthday!” she said, throwing her hands up. “You get your
dream car, and instead of coming to pick me up—your best friend—you
drive over to the Nathansons’ house, pick up Ally Ryan—a person you
claim to not even like—and spend half an hour grinding on her in the
parking lot.”
I felt like I was going to hurl. “How did you—”
“I followed you!” she spat. “I wanted to know what you had to do that
was so important you’d diss me, so I took my mom’s car and I followed
you. I was parked on the other side of the parking lot the entire time you
guys were fogging up your windows.”
I took a couple of st eps back and sat down on one of the velvet couches
near the wall, feeling weak. My brain struggled to make sense of what she
was saying, but it couldn’ t. “So that’s why you did all this? Because I
ditched you on my birthday? Because I lied?”
Shannen laughed bitterly and looked across the room toward the door. “I
tried everything to ke ep you away from her,” she said, almost like she was
talking to herself. “But none of it worked. Not asking nicely, not freezing
her out with those stupid practical jokes, not telling you about her and
Hammond, not telling you we couldn’ t trust her.” She looked at me and
narrowed her eyes. “No matter what, you still wanted her. You still had to
be with her .”
“I don’t understand,” I said. My brain was so fogged over I could hardly
see. “If you’re mad at me for being a bad friend or whatever , get mad at me.
What did Ally Ryan ever do to you? And don’t give me that line about her
dad or this stuff about Chloe and Hammond. That’s bullshit, and you know
it. What did Ally do to you?”
Tears suddenly sprang to Shannen’s eyes, shining along her lashes.
Instantly , my heart stopped. Shannen never cried. Ever .
She looked me in the eye and spoke. “Don’t you get it, Jake? She went
after you.”
How could he do this to us? How could he just leave us and not let us know
where he was? How could he be so close that my old friends could find him
and yet never even try to come see us?
I sat in the backseat of Gray’s silver Land Rover as we wound our way
down the lane leading away from the country club, staring out the window
at the thick trees. For months I had tried not to think about my father too
much or for too long. Because I knew that if I did, I would sink into this
black tar pit of self-pity and sorrow and anger. But now there was no
ke eping my head above the surface. I was sinking, and sinking fast.
He’d left us to go work at a deli. For Chloe’s dad. Chloe and her father
and mother had known all along where he was. Every time I thought about
it, a wave of embarrassed heat crashed over my body. They knew. They all
knew. Everyone but me knew everything about my life.
Even Jake. Jake, who never knew my dad before. Never knew us. Didn’t
really know the history, could never really understand how it felt. Jake
Graydon had met my father without my even knowing. And to him, he was
just some deadbeat dad working in a deli with a smear of mayonnaise
across his dingy apron.
I bit my lip and tried not to cry. It would be way too obvious in the dead
silence that currently reigned inside the car. Neither my mother nor Gray
had said a word since leaving the club. Not that I could blame them. What
were you supposed to say when you’d just seen a horrifying video of your
girlfriend’ s not-ex husband?
“Where was that?” Gray said suddenly, quietly. His tone was pondering,
as if he’d been brainstorming this whole time. “That deli. Was it in the
city?”
“Gray, I don’t think we should talk about this right now,” my mother said
firmly.
“But don’t you want to find him, confront him?” Gray said, taking his
eyes off the road for a moment to glance at my mother. “You finally have a