Behind Grandma Ruth’s house there are a bunch of Loblolly Pines. It’s easy to remember what they’re called because Grandma and me used to sing their name. They’re really tall and their bark is like the shingles on the roof of a house. We’re out in the Loblolly Pines. Daddo and me. Mommy is in the front yard. On her phone. It’s afternoon and it’s bright outside. Daddo says Mommy’s talking to friends. He says Mommy “isn’t doing well with what happened” and he “gets that she needs some time to process.” But you and me, he says, we’re tough in a similar way. Tough? Nobody’s ever called me that before. Absolutely, Daddo says. It’s amazing how brave you’ve been through all this. Grandma is looking out her bedroom window. I see her in her red flannel shirt. I wave but she doesn’t wave back. Daddo and me walk through the Loblolly Pines. Can I ask you something? Daddo says. Yeah. When this thing... when this Other Mommy... when she asks you about... getting in... what do you say? Nothing, I say. For real? Daddo asks. You say nothing? Yeah. Okay. That’s good. I think. We walk. I look back. Grandma’s house is hidden a little now, but I can still see her at her bedroom window. She’s watching us. Well, listen, Bela, Daddo says. Because if this is a person, and they’re asking stuff like that. Ah, Jesus. He looks frustrated. This is all almost impossible to talk about, he says. And I wish your mommy was up for it because I don’t know how to say anything I want to say. But... you said nothing, right? Nobody... got into your heart? I said nothing, I say. And she never touched you? No, I say. Not like that. What do you mean? We held hands before. Daddo looks real upset. He turns to face the front yard like he’s gonna call out to Mommy. To tell her I held hands with Other Mommy.
Literally just hands? Daddo asks. I try to remember. One time she was floating above my bed and her face touched mine a little. O, God. We were friends back then. Our feet crunch leaves and cones. The cones are so big. The Loblollies so tall. What do you mean by that? Daddo asks. I don’t know. Bela. She didn’t talk in the beginning. Okay. She just made faces at me from the closet. Jesus. And they made me laugh. O, man. And so I thought we were friends. Then what? We’re far into the trees now. I don’t know. Then what though? Then she started coming out of the closet. Sitting with me. Listen, Bela, what I’m trying to say is, intruder or not, nobody is allowed to touch you. You got that? I know you already know that. But this is some confusing, scary stuff. And I don’t want you forgetting how important you are, how tough you are, in the middle of all this. Do you understand what I’m saying? I hear the leaves creak like how the ceiling in the house creaks. I look up. I mean, Grandma Ruth is talking about intruders in costumes, Daddo says. Mommy is talking about... monsters. And you’re talking about... Jesus. In our house... Daddo puts his hand on my shoulder. We stop walking. He kneels in front of me. It’s a lot, Daddo says. A lot. And so... I just feel like I gotta remind you, as your father and as your friend... If anybody, anybody or anything in the entire world asks if they can go into your heart, or touch you at all, you say no. And you mean it. And you feel no guilt or fear when you say no. Okay? Grandma Ruth calls out from behind me. I turn to see her between the Loblolly Pines, coming toward us. The hell is going on? Daddo says. What is it, Ruth? Grandma points to the front of the house.
Come on, Daddo says. He takes my hand and then looks at it. Like it’s different now. Now that he knows Other Mommy held it too. Ursula, Grandma says. What about her? Daddo asks. She left. She what? She took the car and left, Grandma says. She said she needed to see a friend. Daddo looks to the street and Grandma looks at me and she says, Come inside, dear. Come on. We’re going to get through this together. Okay? You and me and your daddo. We walk toward the house. We’re just beginning to talk about this, Daddo says to me. Or maybe he says it to himself. And you gotta know you can tell me anything, he says. I stop walking. I’m worried she’s out here, I say. What? I’m worried she followed us here. Why do you say that? Grandma asks. I look up to the trees. She really wants me to answer, I say. She’s getting closer. Closer? Daddo says. He looks up like she could be right above us. I mean she’s around all the time now, I say. Okay, Grandma says. Let’s get her into the house. Russ? Get Bela into the house. Did you see her? Daddo asks. No, I say. Did you smell her? he asks. No. Then why do you think— Because she really wants me to answer. She won’t leave me alone until I answer her about my heart. Get her into the house now, Grandma says. Now, Russ. Daddo still holds my hand and we walk up the side-door st eps.
But he stops and faces me before we go in. But if you answer, he says, you know how to answer, right? Grandma is walking toward the Loblolly Pines in her red flannel shirt. Yes, I say. But I realize then that I don’t. Even with Daddo telling me what to answer. I don’t know if I know what the answer is. Mommy’s gone, Daddo says. So stick close to me in the house. Okay. Don’t leave my side. Okay. Then we’re heading inside. And I know Daddo’s trying to help. And I know he’s probably right. But still... we were friends. I held hands with her too. And I don’t know the answer. No matter what Daddo says. I don’t.