We’re outside Frank’s house. I think he’s the man who was holding Mommy’s hand at the party at our house. Daddo doesn’t talk. Grandma says things to me like “Things will be ordinary again sooner than we know.” She’s trying to make me feel better. I don’t feel better. I think maybe she’s saying it to herself. I’m looking to the upstairs windows of Frank’s house. Mommy opens the front door with the key. We deserve some sle ep, Grandma tells me. That’s all that matters right now. Nobody ever did anything intelligent with no sle ep. The house is dark inside. Mommy st eps in and turns on a light. There’s a staircase on the left side. White st eps. Ahead, I can see a small table with two chairs. It smells like another person in this house. Not like us. Come on, Mommy says. Let’s get Bela to bed, Grandma says. We all follow Mommy de eper inside. She walks like she knows the place. There’s a bedroom down here, Mommy says. The master bedroom. Mommy wipes tears with her jacket sleeve. You’re acting like you were in love, Daddo says. Let’s get Bela to bed, Grandma says. And turn on more lights. Turn them all on. We all go from room to room turning on the lights. The whole first floor. I look up the stairs when we pass them. It’s closet-dark up there. What if someone sees all the lights on and investigates? Daddo says. What do you mean? Grandma asks. If someone stops by, Daddo says. We need to have a plan. What are we gonna say? Surely someone from his family could stop by. Nobody’s going to stop by, Mommy says. We’re all in the kitchen now. There are dishes in the sink. A man died in this house today. Bela, Daddo says. Is... is she here? I wish he didn’t say that. I wish he didn’t ask me that. Russ, Mommy says. What are you doing?
Daddo holds up a hand for her to be quiet. I don’t care about us right now, he says. I’m only thinking of Bela. Bela? I don’t know. Is it something you can tell? Grandma asks. Think about it a second if you haven’t ever thought about it before. I don’t wanna think about it. But I do. Can I tell when Other Mommy is close by? I felt something in the Loblolly Pines. Do I feel it now? I think of the first time I saw her. I had no idea she was in the closet. But maybe... maybe other times I did. Maybe, I say. What do you mean? Mommy asks. I can tell she didn’t want to hear me say this. I think about the nights when Mommy would tuck me in bed and I would watch the closet doors. Do you sense anything? Grandma asks. Do you smell something? Does the air around you change? Is there anything that would suggest she’s here? I smelled her once, Daddo says. Am I right, Bela? In your bathroom. Right? That was her? Yeah, I say. That was Other Mommy. Daddo presses his lips tight. Sometimes I hear creaks, I tell them. Sometimes I can smell her. Sometimes I just know she’s there. It’s the first time I really understand this. Okay, Grandma says. Is she here now? We all go quiet and I listen for creaking. I think about her smell. That first night she talked to me from the closet I could smell her. She smelled like the time Pester found a mouse covered in bugs in the garage. Bela, Mommy says. Come on. We’re losing our minds here. Is she here or is she not? I can’t handle this. I listen. I think how a car passed that first night she spoke to me. How the headlights shined into my bedroom. How I saw she wasn’t hanging upside down in the closet. That’s just how her face is sometimes. I don’t think so, I say. Show us that first-floor bedroom, Grandma says to Mommy. We follow Mommy out of the kitchen and past a bathroom. The bedroom is small. The bed is not made and there’s clothes on the floor and the closet door is open.
I don’t ask if that’s the closet where the man died. All right, Grandma says. We can all sle ep in here. I’m staying up, Daddo says. You need to sle ep, too, Russ, Grandma says. I’m glad you think so, Ruth. Daddo and Grandma never fight. They’re good friends. One time Mommy told Daddo she thinks Grandma likes Daddo better than she likes her. But they look like they might fight now. Nobody ever did anything—Grandma starts to say. I know that, Ruth, Daddo says. You need to sle ep. Not tonight. Then I’ll stay up, Grandma says. You need to be clear-headed for— Clear-headed? Daddo says. Are you kidding me right now? The house is quiet around us. It’s like I can hear the quiet. We’ll take turns, Grandma says. That’s fine, Daddo says. But I’m staying up first. Do what you want. He leaves the bedroom. Mommy sits on the bed. She’s looking at the floor of the open closet. Well, this is a real moment, Grandma says. She walks over to Mommy and holds Mommy’s head while Mommy cries. I look out the bedroom door and can see Daddo sitting on the couch in the living room up the hall. I walk out to him. Hi, I say. You wanna sle ep out here with me? I’ll be up. Okay. We’ll leave the lights on. Okay. I go to the couch and sit beside him. Grandma’s face peeks out of the bedroom up the hall. She should sle ep in here with us, she says. She’s fine with me, Daddo says. I think Daddo was crying too. His eyes are red. Grandma vanishes into the bedroom again. Daddo yawns. Even though he wants to stay awake, he’s tired.
We stare ahead across the room. We can hear Mommy and Grandma talking in the bedroom and sometimes Mommy’s voice gets louder and Grandma Ruth tells her to “ke ep calm.” For Bela, she says. I listen for creaks upstairs. Creaks anywhere. You’re an unbelievable person, Daddo tells me. Really? I ask. Yeah. You got all this stuff going on... even if this scary stuff wasn’t happening... there’s all this... He flaps his hand toward the hall that leads to the bedroom Mommy and Grandma are talking in. ... all this real stuff, he says. Are you and Mommy mad at each other? Daddo laughs but it’s not the funny kind. Don’t worry about us right now. Just worry about you. I mean... don’t worry about anything, okay? I know a kid at school whose parents got divorced. I remember thinking the word sounds like what it means. Maybe we should leave, Daddo says. I don’t think I can stay here. Daddo, I think she might have hurt the man who lives here. Daddo looks surprised. Your mommy wouldn’t— I mean Other Mommy. The ceiling creaks when I say her name. I look up. But it wasn’t the ceiling, it was Grandma st epping out of the room up the hall. We need sle ep, she says. Working on it, Daddo says. Grandma looks at him like she understands why he’s upset. But like she also wishes he wasn’t. Then she goes back into the bedroom. What do you mean? Daddo says. He’s sitting up now. Not leaning back into the couch. I think she hurt the man... I don’t say: for me. But I think it. That’s a big leap, Daddo says. Right? I mean... right? I don’t want Mommy and Daddo to get divorced. Was Other Mommy helping me with that? Was she being my friend? Daddo stands up. He paces. The guy at Lois’s house said she spoke to him, I say. Okay, Bela, Daddo says. Just say whatever you’re trying to say. Things are really piqued right now, okay? He said she told him she gave me a present.
Daddo’s hands are covering his face the way people do when they have a lot of worry. He lowers them slowly, staring at me. Did he say that? he asks. Exactly that? Yeah. He heads up the hall and gets to the bedroom door before I get off the couch. I don’t want to be in any room alone. I follow him. I hear him and Mommy arguing. Grandma says we need to sle ep. Daddo hardly ever yells. But he’s yelling now. How can you expect me to stay here? Are you insane, Urs? Or are you just mean? Russ, Grandma says. Think of Bela. We all need rest. Yeah? Well you try to sle ep in the place where your wife just— Russ, Grandma says. O, Ruth, can it. I’m allowed to be upset! And I’m not staying here. I hear creaking upstairs. Mommy is crying. Daddo is talking so fast. Grandma is upset. No person should have to sle ep here under these conditions, Daddo says. I’m an open-minded person. But this? This is a st ep too far. We have nowhere else to go, Mommy says. Not according to your mom! We can go anywhere we want. It’d be wise for us to stay here, Grandma says. Not for me, Daddo says. I look up. Because it sounds like the ceiling is bending down toward me. I wanna leave too, I say. But they don’t hear me. And Bela, Daddo says. Bela thinks her ghost had something to do with what happened here in the closet. What? Mommy says. She sounds really scared. Yeah, Daddo says. Still wanna stay? I think she’s here, I say. I don’t want my parents to get divorced. I love them the way they are. I love us the way we are. Did Other Mommy help me? Is this what friends do? And am I supposed to help her back? Am I supposed to say yes? I think she’s here! I say, louder. But they still don’t hear me.
Russ, Mommy says. You knew this was going on. Stop pretending you didn’t. You even said you liked the idea one night. Wait, Daddo says. Hold the hell on, Ursula. We’re tired, Grandma says. All of us. I’m leaving, Daddo says. No, Grandma says. I st ep past Daddo, into the room where Mommy is crying on the messy bed. I think she’s in the house! I yell. They all look at me, startled. Jesus, Daddo says. Okay, Grandma says. Up. She’s helping Mommy up. Come on, Grandma says. Out. Now. All of us. Why? Mommy says. Why is this happening? But we’re heading for the door. When we pass the stairs I don’t look up. Out, Grandma says. Fast. Was she here before? Mommy asks. Was she here earlier today? She sounds so upset. Mr. Jeffrey once used a word that scared me. Hysterical. Like when someone is so upset they can’t control their own mind. Mommy sounds hysterical. But we’re outside now, hurrying through the dark to the car. Grandma takes my hand. I don’t look back. I’m scared I’ll see her. I’m scared I’ll hear her. I’m scared she’s gonna ask to go into my heart. All in, Grandma says, opening the car door. I get in. Then Grandma gets in. Mommy. Then Daddo. I don’t look back when he starts the car. When he drives away. I don’t look back. I’m scared she’s gonna ask to go into my heart.
And I’m scared I know how to stop this. How to make Mommy and Daddo less afraid. How to make sure she doesn’t give me any more presents. Seatbelts, Grandma says. Even now, especially now, we must be smart. We’re smart, aren’t we, Bela? But I don’t answer. I just stare into the darkness outside. I’m scared. I don’t look back. I’m scared my parents are going to get divorced. I’m scared Mommy is being hysterical. I’m scared we’re losing our minds. Why did Other Mommy come to me? If she doesn’t come from the closet... where did she come from when she came to me? I’m scared she came to me because I don’t have many other friends. I’m scared Mommy and Daddo are my only friends. I’m scared Other Mommy is my friend because I didn’t have any other friends. And I’m scared she’s going to give me another present if I don’t say yes. That’s it. That’s what I’m really scared of. I’m scared I’m gonna say yes.