Run... run... Feet slipping, Jon sped through narrow alleys and zigzagged across streets that smelled of diesel and sea-water. He needed to find a policeman, but would they believe him? Van Horn said the adoption wasn’t legal, that the police couldn’t help him, and those men were talking about millions of dollars, millions! What could they possibly want with him? Don’t you get it? Someone wants you dead! His breath was burning in his lungs, his shoulder hurt, and his legs ached, but still he ran, sure that someone was following him. He charged steadily uphill, his lungs ablaze as the tenements gave way to nice houses and shops and wrought-iron fences. Christmas lights flashed by his eyes and an overwhelming sense of déjà vu washed over him. Somewhere not too far away he heard the melodic strains of a Christmas song. “... a beautiful sight, we’re happy tonight, walkin’ in a winter wonderland...” He swallowed back his fear. This was another r epeat of his dream, and the footst eps behind him weren’t imagined. Someone very real and evil was chasing him! Forcing his feet to ke ep going, his heart pounding furiously, he heard his pursuer and cast a glance behind him. In the thin lamplight and through the shadows, a man was following, running at breakneck speed, catching him. No! No! No! Don’t stop, ke ep running! “In the meadow we can build a snowman...” Heavy breathing, thudding footst eps, his name called into the night. “Jon! Stop!” Jon lunged as a huge hand dropped down and clamped over his shoulder. “Shh. It’s me!” Daegan said. Jon nearly crumpled in relief. He wasn’t going to be shot! Turning, he saw Daegan’s face in the watery glow of a streetlamp. “What’re you doing here?” “I came looking for you.” Daegen... my father. Jon backed up. “You lied to me,” he accused him, still walking backward, his breath fogging in the night. “I thought I had to. I was wrong.” “I don’t believe you.” “I know and I can’t make you. But I’m your father and—” “No!” Jon said, anger spewing from him. “My father wouldn’t have left me, my father would have stuck around while I was growing up, my father is a great guy who... who—” “Never knew he had a son until a couple of months ago, who couldn’t believe it but, once he met you, found out he loves you. He never realized a child could make such a difference in his pathetic life.” The words echoed through the night and resonated in Jon’s battered heart. Daegan was his father! His damned father! Biting his lip, he silently told himself he wasn’t going to cry, even though Daegan might walk out and leave him again.
“And it’s not just because you’re his son,” Daegan was saying with a sad smile curving his lips, “but because he cares about you, likes to be around you, gets a kick just hanging out with you.” “Then why did you leave?” Jon demanded, challenging this man he’d once admired. Daegan looked sincere, but Jon didn’t want to trust him. After all, the guy was pretty good at disappearing acts. “I thought I had to. I thought it would be best if you never knew. I thought your mom and you could go on with your lives and never have to deal with what you’re dealing with now.” “The Sullivan family,” Jon sneered. “That’s right.” Daegan shook his head and frustration etched his features. “Unfortunately we’ve got to face them, force them to end this, convince your grandfather that he has no claim to you.” “He doesn’t.” Daegan’s smile slashed white. “Okay, so let’s go tell him.” “I don’t want to see him.” “You have to, Jon. To end this. Besides, your mother’s going out of her mind with worry. She was with me a minute ago and then I sprinted ahead when I saw you...” Jon looked over his shoulder and spied Kate, breathing hard, jogging toward them. Tears were running down her face, and when she reached him, she threw her arms around her son and clung to him. “Jon, oh, baby, Jon, Jon,” she said over and over again. “Ma—” “Are you all right?” “Yeah.” He swallowed hard. He was not going to cry. “I mean it, Jon,” she said, blinking hard. “Oh, God, I was so scared. I knew you were with that horrible man and then we heard the gunshot and... I’m just glad you’re not hurt.” She buried her face in his neck and sighed with relief. “I’m really okay,” he assured her. St epping back from him, his mom swiped at the tears on her cheeks with her gloved hands. “I’m so glad. I was so worried.” “You two...” Jon pointed from his mother to Daegan. “You came here together?” Kate gasped at the sight of his bruised, chafed wrist. “Oh, baby... your arms. You need to see a doctor!” “No!” Jon yanked his hand back. Right now he needed answers. “I’ll be fine, Mom. Did you come here together?” Daegan glanced at Kate, then back to Jon. “Not exactly. But we both came here to find you.” “Because I’m your son,” Jon said, squarely facing Daegan. “I came because I care about you,” Daegan said. “But yes, I’m your father.” “Did you know about this?” Jon pressed his mother. “That he’s my father?” She shook her head. “Not until after you disappeared.” She pressed one gloved fist to her eye. “I’m so sorry about the way this happened, Jon. I had no idea, no idea anyone would ever come after you.”
“How could you?” Jon shrugged, then pointed back down the boulevard, toward the decr epit motel. “But the scary part is those guys aren’t the worst of it. I’ve got this crazy relative, her name is Alicia, and she’s ready to pay a million bucks to get me killed. Van Horn will probably go to jail, but that psycho Alicia is still going to be out there, plotting to bump me off.” “Don’t worry about Alicia,” Daegan said. “Believe me, I know how to handle her. I’ll take care of her. I say we settle up with Robert, and then we’ll take you home.” “To Oregon?” Jon asked and saw his mother catch her breath. “If that’s where you want to go.” Jon rolled his eyes. “I never thought I’d miss that place,” he admitted, his hands buried de ep in his pockets as they dashed through the neighborhood. A band of carolers sang at a doorst ep. “God rest ye merry gentlemen, let nothing you dismay...” They reached a busy street with stores aglow in Christmas lights and shoppers wandering beneath the streetlamps. Daegan hailed a cab and soon they were in the warm interior, speeding through the city. So Daegan was his father. Jon glanced at the man who’d sired him. Decent enough looking as far as cowboys went, he imagined. Jesus, he could barely believe it. He had a father, a real father, and the guy was Daegan damned O’Rourke. Now, Todd Neider couldn’t say Jon didn’t know his old man. But then he had the feeling that Daegan wasn’t sticking around. Not that he could see into his mind, not now at any rate, but because Jon couldn’t believe that anything would ever work out. “Tell me what happened,” Daegan said, and Jon, glancing nervously at the cabby, hesitated. “Believe me, he’s heard it all,” Daegan added. So Jon told them. From the moment Todd Neider yelled at him in the hallway and dunked his head in the urinal, until he ended up in the crappy motel room, scared spitless. “Dear God,” his mother said, twisting her fingers. “If I’d known... oh, dear God.” By the time the cab slowed, they’d swapped stories and Daegan had frowned when he looked at Jon’s wrists and shoulder. The taxi rolled to a stop on a quiet street with houses facing a manicured park. “This is it,” Daegan said as he handed the driver a bill and helped Kate from the car. “Come on, Jon, it’s now or never.” This phony with her fancy fingernails, fake red hair, and bloodshot eyes was his mother? No way. Jon stared at Bibi Sullivan Porter as if she were some kind of attraction in a freak show. “Way to go, Daegan,” Bibi said. She was seated in a peach-colored chair in the parlor, smoking a cigarette. “Has anyone ever told you you’re a lousy private detective?” “She hired you?” Kate whispered, eyeing the woman as if she were a Jezebel. “She was going to pay you to find Jon, to return him, to ruin our lives?” She turned tortured eyes on him. Daegan scowled. “Not exactly. I think she wanted me to kidnap him to Canada.” Bibi shrugged, as if it didn’t matter. Jon hated her. She’d abandoned him, given him away, and she was so different from Kate. There was a part of him that wanted to know more about her, about this whole circus of a family, but he didn’t dare ask.
Sitting in the chair, legs crossed as if she was bored, she looked like a rich bitch. How could Daegan have ever sl ept with...? Sick at the thought, he tried to be practical and supposed he should be thankful that she’d given him up and started the first of a long chain of lies; otherwise he would never have known his mother, Kate. Still, it was easier to hate her, better if he didn’t try and understand why she’d rejected him, safer if he didn’t realize she was only a few years older than he was now when she’d found out she was pregnant with her cousin’s child. He ground his back teeth together and swore under his breath that he’d never call her anything the least bit maternal—not birth mother, not natural mother, not biological mother—and he hoped that he’d never have to see her again, never have to deal with emotions he didn’t even know existed before he’d laid eyes on her. “I just wanted to find my boy,” Daegan said. “I wasn’t running anywhere.” “Well, come over here,” Bibi said, motioning to Jon. She was frowning slightly, wrinkles showing near her mouth and over her eyes. “Y ep, you look like a Sullivan.” “Indeed he does,” the small man standing near the staircase said. “Indeed he does.” Judging by the way the old goat acted like he owned the place, Jon guessed that this was his grandfather, Robert Sullivan. Daegan intervened. “You’ve heard the news—that the story’s gonna be in all the papers, that the police were called, and that Collin’s in the hospital, shot by Van Horn?” “Yes, I know.” Robert’s voice was clipped, his eyes filled with distrust. “But I’d still like to meet my grandson.” Kate st epped firmly between Jon and the elderly man. “He’s not your —” “Come, come. Let’s see you, boy.” Jon didn’t like being called a boy by anyone, but he whispered to Kate, “It’s all right, Ma. I can handle this.” Jaw so tight it ached, he walked up to the old man and stared down at him. “Big. Strapping. Do you do well in school?” “Christ,” Bibi said, drawing on her cigarette. “I hate school.” Bibi laughed. “Takes after his father.” Robert wasn’t amused. “Oh, no, no, no.” He wagged a finger at Jon’s nose. “A boy’s lessons are the building blocks of life. They store knowledge and create character.” Jon zoned out and looked at Kate. He couldn’t believe this old geezer was for real. Eli Mc Intyre with his moonshine and whittling knife had been more of a grandfather to him than this guy could ever hope to be. “Sir?” the butler inquired, softly rapping on the door. “There’s a call for Mr. O’Rourke.” Daegan left the room and Jon felt suddenly adrift in a sea of people he despised, people who all had plans for him, one way or the other. Exc ept for Kate. She was standing next to him, looking as nervous as he felt. The old man started asking him questions—stupid things like whether he played lacrosse, and what were his scores on the SATs. Near as he could tell, he wasn’t coming up with the right answers because the guy’s smile, so bright when Jon had entered the room, began to fade. Daegan returned to lean insolently against the corner of a bookcase.
“Okay, so let’s figure out where we are. I just talked to a detective friend of mine. The important thing is that Jon is leaving with Kate and the adoption papers are going to be reworked so that there are no complications, that the adoption is legal here in Massachusetts and any damned state in the union.” “Wait a minute, the boy might want to stay with us and—” Jon shook his head. “The ‘boy’ wants to go home,” he said. “I didn’t want to come here in the first place and I can’t wait to leave.” Daegan seemed satisfied. “That’s pretty explicit, I’d say.” “It doesn’t matter to me,” Bibi said, squashing out her smoke and sighing loudly. “Kyle’s already having second thoughts.” She stood and walked up to Jon. “I didn’t mean to foul up your life, okay? I wanted you to be happy and... and I wasn’t cut out to be a mother.” A muscle bulged in Jon’s jaw and he glared at the woman who bore him, who gave him life, then gave him up. “I didn’t ask for an explanation.” “No, you didn’t, did you? Hell, I can’t get anything right.” Tears stood in her blue eyes and she forced a smile at Kate. “You’ve got yourself a good boy there. Take care of him.” “I will,” Kate promised, surprised at the grudging respect she felt for this woman. “Good.” Bibi dusted her hands on the front of her skirt. A tear slid from her eye as she cast one final look at her son. “You be good,” she said. “If I hear you’re messing up, I’ll swoop down on you like a screaming bat from hell. Believe me, that’s not a pretty sight.” “Jon,” Robert said. “You must reconsider. I could do so much for you.” “Leave him alone,” Kate said, placing a supportive hand on Jon’s shoulder. But Jon wasn’t afraid to face Robert now. “It’s not going to happen,” Jon said. “Look, you paid some loser to kidnap me. Like I’m going to give up my life and the people who care about me because you’ve got money?” Jon shot a look at Bibi Sullivan, and for a moment, he actually felt sorry for her, a grown woman still under her father’s thumb, stuck in an unhappy world. “We’re not simply about money,” Robert said, his furry eyebrows rising. “We have high standards, a family code.” “Would that in volve killing off family heirs?” Jon said. “Because your niece Alicia was making big plans to do me in.” Robert shifted uncomfortably and Bibi’s jaw dropped. “That bitch!” she said as her pack of cigarettes fell from her fingers. “Don’t worry about Alicia,” Robert said. “She has no power.” “Not after the police get wind of her plans,” Daegan said, heading toward the wide double door. “Alicia might be ke eping her father company in the big house, which is where Frank is headed. My source told me Frank is at the police station now. It looks like he’s going to be charged with Stuart’s murder.” “Frank?” Robert’s throat worked, his eyes narrowing to slits. “Whatever for? You’re the one who killed my boy, O’Rourke. We all knew that.” Silent wrath glinted in Daegan’s eyes. “Collin confessed today, in front of a handful of witnesses. Apparently he was there, he saw it all, and the guilt has weighed on him for years. Frank did it, Robert. Your brother murdered your only son.” “I don’t believe you!” Robert railed.
Jon was relieved to feel his mother’s pressure on his shoulder, guiding him out of the room. They were out in the foyer when Daegan answered, “Fine, old man. Live with your lies.” Just let the old guy sit and rot in his mansion, Jon thought as the butler swung open the big walnut door for them. It would feel great to say good-bye to these crazies. And then, he was st epping out into the snow, flanked by Kate and Daegan, his mother and his father. It had been a shitty week, but Jon knew things were going to get better. He’d es caped, he’d found his father, and he was going home. It didn’t get much better than that. Trying to respect Jon’s desires not to be babied, Kate was content to let him wash his swollen wrists at Laura’s house, then douse them with disinfectant. Only when Jon was asle ep in Laura’s guest room did Daegan take Kate’s hand and lead her outside, down the stairs, and onto the street. The night was alive with lights and traffic and people hurrying down the street. Despite the mood, Kate pulled up the collar of her jacket and tried to get warm. She felt a loneliness burrowing de ep in her soul. “I don’t know whether I should curse you or thank you,” she said, pulling her hand from his. “Thank me. That sounds better,” he joked, but she couldn’t scare up a smile. “Okay, I will. Thanks for finding Jon and bringing him back to me. I... I appreciate it, but I can’t forget that you were the reason he was in danger, that you lied to us both, that you used us, that you were going to acc ept money for—” “That wouldn’t have happened.” “But you didn’t tell me why you were in town, you let me believe that you cared about me, about Jon...” she said, hating the words that tumbled out of her mouth, wishing she could alter the course of the future. “I did. I do. I always will.” She touched the side of his face with her chilled fingers and he held them there, against his skin. “I wish I could believe you,” she said. “So it wouldn’t matter to you if I told you not only was I sorry, but that I wanted to change things.” The night seemed to grow still. There was a lull in the traffic, and somewhere, not too far away, church bells pealed, resounding through the darkness. “How?” she asked, hardly moving, listening over the sound of her pounding heart. “I think I’d like to start over. With you. With Jon.” “With a clean slate?” “For the most part,” he said, his gaze drifting to her lips. She trembled, but not from the cold. Oh, Lord, how she wanted to believe him, how she needed to trust him. Tears filled her throat, but she refused to cry, refused to be weak. Yes, she loved him, but he, the liar, the man with the secret past and hidden life, could never be trusted. And who could say how long he’d stay? A drifter by nature, a man who had run from his past for fifteen years. “No family in Montana? No wife and child?” she taunted. “There never was either.” He kissed her fingers. “And all those brothers up in Canada?” “Nah, they don’t exist.” Another kiss. “What about the cousins in Boston?” she asked, drawing her hand away.
“They’re a part of my life long over. The only person I care about here is my mother and she won’t see me. Still has her priorities all screwed up and pledges her allegiance to Frank Sullivan, the god of adultery.” “So you’re alone?” she asked, her heart squeezing. Trust him, just once more, for God’s sake, Kate, you love him! “Yeah.” “Why do I get the feeling that you like it that way?” “’Cause I did,” he admitted, his words gruff. “Then I met you and it changed everything.” Nervously she licked her lips and his jaw grew hard as granite. “But not enough to tell the truth.” “I couldn’t.” She squeezed her eyes shut, blocking out the vision of his rough-hewn face. Staring into his night-shadowed eyes, the lamplight and snow swirling around them, she almost gave in to the wayward wishes of her heart. “Kate,” he whispered roughly as his strong arms circled her, drawing her close. His breath feathered across her hair. “Don’t you know that I love you?” “No, Daegan, don’t,” she said firmly. “But I do and I will forever, but I won’t ask twice. Marry me, Kate. Say you’ll be my wife.” His lips found hers then and she fought the sobs building in her throat. Warm and solid, his body seemed to shield her from the elements, and she was lost in a swirl of emotions that ripped at her soul and stole all denial from her mind. Love him, just love him, her willful heart pleaded. You’ll never find a love like this again. Never trust him again, her mind insisted. He’ll only lie to you and hurt your son. “I—I can’t do this,” she cried, pushing away from him. “Please, Daegan, understand.” He stood for a second under the blue light of the streetlamp, and in that instant she witnessed a change in him, the stiffening of his spine, the squaring of broad shoulders, the pride in the jut of his chin, the sudden condemning censure in his gaze, and most of all, the hardening of his heart. “Never,” he said. “But Jon—” “He knows where to find me. It’s up to you whether I see him again.” A tic moved a muscle in his jaw. He shoved his hands de ep in his pockets and started walking away. Wrapping her arms around her middle to ward off the emptiness in her soul, she heard his voice. “And if you don’t want to see me, I won’t bother you again, Kate,” he vowed, not even glancing over his shoulder as she crumbled inside. “Never again.” “If I ever hear of you going near that boy or sending anyone else, I’ll personally come down here and pay you back tenfold,” Daegan promised, his voice filled with malice. His eyes were bright with hatred as he stood on the other side of the threshold, his fists clenched, his face set in harsh determination. Snow swirled around him, and the fury radiating from him was nearly palpable. Alicia swallowed hard and thought of Wade, her precious son. She couldn’t believe that Daegan would actually hurt him, but then again, what did she know about the bastard? How ruthless was O’Rourke? How much did he care about his own illegitimate son? The man could be a raving maniac, a savage for all she knew. “I was just... just protecting Wade’s interests.” “By trying to kill his cousin,” Daegan said in a voice of deadly calm.
But that serenity was belied by the tic beneath his eye and the cords bulging in his neck. Grudgingly she realized that he was a handsome man, a ruthless man, and a man who should never be crossed. Not that she would lay a finger on Jon Summers now. The idiot didn’t want to be a part of the Sullivan dynasty, and Robert had given up playing mentor to the little bastard, what with the detectives swarming around the entire Sullivan family, sniffing out facts on the boy’s kidnapping and even digging back to Stuart’s death eons ago. It was all a tangled, sordid mess, one which Alicia had fended off with flat denials. No, she didn’t know a Neils Van Horn. No, she’d never had contact with the man. (Thank God she’d met him in anonymous bars!) Did she ever offer him money to kill Jon Summers? Well, that was just laughable! Ludicrous. Pr eposterous. “Mommy?” Wade’s voice called from the top of the stairs. She glanced over her shoulder and saw his precious face peering through the rails. “Is everything okay?” “Yes, honey, it’s... it’s fine. You just go on back to your room and I’ll be there in a minute.” “Who’s he?” Wade asked, his gaze trained on Daegan. The devil, Alicia thought, rising straight from the d epths of hell! “He’s... he just stopped by to give Mommy some advice and wish her a happy holiday.” “Happy holidays,” Daegan mocked. Satisfied, Wade shrugged and headed back to his bedroom. “You stay away from my boy,” she hissed, cold, angry fear burning in her heart. Daegan’s laugh was brutal. “I don’t want anything to do with him, but you ke ep away from Jon, because if anything happens to Jon, anything, I swear, Alicia, you’ll wish you’d never been born.” He glanced up at the empty hallway. “Wade’s got nothing to fear from me, but you do, sister, you do. Remember that.” “Oh, don’t be so damned dramatic,” Alicia said. “The only reason I was interested in Jon Summers was because Robert wanted to make him an heir. Now with that bit of insanity over, I could care less about your precious bastard.” “Then we’re on the same page,” Daegan said. He turned away, calling over his shoulders, “And Happy New Year.” A breath of cold air danced into the room and Alicia slammed the door shut, blocking out the image of his deadly face, the silent accusations in his eyes. Trembling, she leaned against the door and caught her breath. Didn’t anyone understand? Didn’t they know that she only did what she did for her darling son? “Honey,” she called, her voice shaking as she mounted the stairs. She was at the landing when she heard the garage door go up. Daegan! Oh, God, he’d changed his mind and was back. She ran down the stairs, nearly stumbling, kicking off one of her high heels. Sprinting through the kitchen, she grabbed the first weapon she saw, a fillet knife from the rack, and stood poised, ready to do damage when the door opened and Bryan entered. “Oh,” she said, “I didn’t know it was you, I—” Her husband stopped dead in his tracks, keys and briefcase in his hand, the shoulders of his wool coat dusted with snow. “I just got a call from our attorney,” Bryan said, licking his lips nervously, “and I didn’t understand all of it, but he was very concerned. There was something about you facing charges for conspiracy or kidnapping or something.” “No—nothing’s been filed. It’s all a big mistake.”
“But you called him?” “What I told him was in confidence.” “I’m your husband, Alicia, or have you forgotten?” Bryan asked, his lips folded in on themselves. “No, Bry, I think you’re the one who forgot.” Tears filled her eyes. “A long time ago.” Grumbling under his breath, Jon tossed another log onto the fire and didn’t even manage a smile as the flames licked and crackled against the pitch and moss. Their Christmas tree, a small pine, was decorated, lights shining merrily with frosty bulbs of blue, yellow, red, and green, and several packages with bright ribbons were scattered underneath. Christmas Eve and they seemed so alone, so apart from the world. If only Laura and Jeremy had decided to visit, Kate thought as she poured Jon and her each an eggnog. Since she had no parents and was estranged from her aunt and uncle and Jon’s family... well, she hadn’t heard from the Sullivans since returning from Boston. Just today, on Christmas Eve, her attorney had called and said the new documents were on their way; it would take time for all the adoption paperwork to be complete, but it looked like smooth sailing. “Here you go,” she said, handing Jon a glass cup of the frothy eggnog. “Any booze in it?” he asked. “Oh, right, I added three shots,” she teased. “But I’m almost—” “Still far away from being legal,” she said. He took the cup but she noticed his restlessness, knew something was bothering him, and could guess what it was. Hadn’t she felt the same pangs of despair for the last couple of days? It was Daegan or the lack of him that had changed the tenor of her days, even though Kate knew that he was still just a field away, through the trees and across the snowy lands cape to Eli’s old cabin. Her throat grew thick with a lump she couldn’t swallow, and she noticed Jon staring out the window that faced the Mc Intyre acres. It’s better this way, she told herself though she hadn’t seen or heard from her neighbor ever since flying home from Boston. She knew he was there—she had spied his rattletrap of a truck and the horses—but he was probably getting ready to move. The word in town was that the Mc Intyre place was still for sale and Eli’s heirs would be satisfied with another tenant if they couldn’t find a buyer. “Come on, a toast, on Christmas Eve,” she said, clicking the rim of her cup to his. “May all your Christmas wishes come true.” He scowled and didn’t meet her eyes, just stared into his cup as if reading tea leaves in the thick opaque d epths. Eventually, he took a long sip. “Christmas wishes are for little kids.” “Something’s bothering you,” Kate finally said, deciding that it was time to face whatever was troubling him head-on, even though she inwardly guessed at his answer. Her fingers tightened around her cup as Jon finished his drink and paced from one room to the other. Houndog, his fur less patchy, tagged after him, a tennis ball in his mouth, his tail wagging as if he hoped Jon would finally get some brains and play fetch. “Just a feeling.” “You had a nightmare last night.”
He slid a glance in her direction and frowned. “Yeah.” “About?” “Todd.” “I thought he was expelled.” Kate didn’t believe Jon’s restlessness had to do with the Neider boy. No, she knew the real reason, the same reason she couldn’t sle ep at night. “He was, but he’s still in town,” Jon said, rubbing the back of his neck in agitation. He set his cup on the mantel and kicked at another tennis ball. Houndog scampered frantically to the other end of the house, finally catching the ball under the dining room table. “Has Todd been bothering you again?” she asked, since Jon had been on vacation for a couple of days already. “Nah, not really.” Jon flopped onto the couch and picked up an old Christmas catalog. “I was just thinking that maybe we should have Daegan over. It’s Christmas and he’s all alone; he’s just got a bunch of cre eps for relatives and... well, I don’t know.” Nervously he bit at the stubs of his fingernails. She set her cup on a nearby table. “Do you want him to come over because he’s your father?” she asked, paralyzed inside. What if Jon decided at some point that he wanted to live with Daegan, to experience having a father, to do some of that all-so-important male bonding? She swallowed hard. “I just like him. That’s all. And I don’t see why just because you two had a fight, I can’t see him.” “I know but—” “Isn’t Christmas a time of forgiving, of looking out for others, of... of loving thy neighbor and all that?” “Yes,” she admitted. “So?” “It’s more complicated than that,” she said, feeling her son’s eyes following her every move as she warmed the backs of her legs against the fire in hopes of chasing a de ep chill that had settled in her bones. “It’s only as complicated as you make it.” “Look, I don’t want to argue about this—” The phone rang and Kate’s heart nearly stopped. She couldn’t help thinking it was Daegan, but when Jon answered and his voice lowered so that she couldn’t hear, she decided he was talking to Jennifer as he did nearly every night. She smiled to herself and experienced a wave of relief that she didn’t have to deal with Daegan O’Rourke. At fifteen, Jon was suffering the highs and lows of first love. There was even a present from Jennifer under the tree and Jon had spent all his money on a pair of earrings that he’d found in Boston before they’d returned. She walked to the window and pulled back the curtain. Maybe Jon was right; maybe Christmas was a time for forgiving. Biting down on her lip, she silently argued with herself and thought of her private Christmas wish, an impossible request really, that she and Daegan and Jon could be a family, a loving, decent, normal family. “Don’t be silly,” she told herself, her breath fogging on the windowpane. “There’s nothing even remotely normal about anyone related to the Sullivans. And Daegan can’t be tied down. Be glad it’s over.” Kate’s hair fanned around her face and her whiskey gold eyes looked up at him with love and laughter. “Again?” she teased, her body naked and rosy in afterglow, her breasts already taut, the nipples dark and inviting.
“I just can’t stop.” He was apologizing again, as he always did when he was with her. It was so hard to believe that she was finally his... “I wouldn’t want you to.” Her fingers linked with his and she pulled his hand forward to press it against her breastbone so that he could feel her heart beat, hear the steady thud, thud, thud... “Daegan!” Thud! Thud! Thud! Daegan’s eyes flew open and he blinked. “Daegan, help me.” Kate’s voice, anxious and loud, echoed through the old house. “Coming,” he yelled, rolling off the bed and feeling his erection—still stiff as marble with his erotic dream. “Damn it,” he grumbled, st epping into boxers and jeans and snapping the fly as he hurried to the front door, and hit one light switch with his elbow. She stood on the porch, bundled in layers, her face peeking from beneath the hood of a red parka. Her eyes were dark and round and in one gloved hand she held a flashlight, its beam directed at the old floorboards. “It’s Jon,” she said as he kicked open the screen door and let her inside. Her face was tight with worry. Fear clawed at his heart. “What about him?” “He’s missing, I thought maybe...” She let her voice trail off as she saw the boxes stacked in the corners, the evidence of his moving. “Maybe he would’ve come over here. He said something about seeing you earlier and I followed tracks leading this way...” “He’s not here,” Daegan said, grabbing a flannel shirt from the back of his couch. He found socks and boots, then donned his jacket and hat. “We’ll find him.” “Oh, God, I hope so.” Without a thought, he grabbed her, held her close, stared down into her worried eyes, and said, “I’ll find him, Kate. You can count on it.” Then he let her go and was out the back door and whistling for Roscoe. Footst eps and hoofprints led from the barn. “Damn it all,” he growled, staring at the evidence. “He’s taken Buckshot.” “But where?” “We’ll find out,” Daegan insisted as he snapped on the lights in the barn. Loco, whinnying in protest, blinked under the harsh single bulb. “Have you called the police?” “No, I thought, I mean I was sure he was over here. I followed the tracks and then your house was dark and—” Her voice failed her. Desperation stilled her lungs as they hurried back to the house, where Daegan called the sheriff. “I’ll do what I can,” Swanson told Kate once Daegan had connected with him and handed her the receiver. “But it’s Christmas Eve and we’re short a few hands. I’ll put out an APB, but I can’t promise anything.” Kate hung up. Her entire body shook and her imagination ran in horrifying circles. “They won’t do much.” “Don’t really need ’em. Come on.” She was still stunned from finding Houndog whining outside her door and investigating to discover Jon missing, his window open, the butt of a
fresh cigarette ground into the snow of a gutter. She’d found his tracks and had assumed that he’d decided to visit his father himself, not wait for her approval, just take the bull by the horns and show up on O’Rourke’s doorst ep. But he hadn’t. Instead he’d stolen a horse in the middle of the night. Why? she wondered. Why? Why? Why? “We’ll take the truck,” Daegan said, “for as far as it will make it. After that, it’s snowshoes.” “Oh, God.” Where could he be? Where? “Here.” He tossed her the keys. “Start the pickup and warm it up. I’ll get some supplies.” “Supplies?” she whispered. “Just in case.” She didn’t ask in case of what and did as she was told, fighting sheer terror as she saw him toss two pairs of snowshoes, a couple lengths of rope, a pick, an axe, a first aid kit, a tarp, a lantern, blankets, and flares into the back of the truck. “Better safe than sorry.” With a little effort he put the truck into four- wheel drive, slid behind the steering column, and followed the horse’s tracks through a field adjoining her house to the government property beyond. An old logging road, that had originally been used during the gold rush days, cut through the sparse jack and lodge pines dotting the hillside. The night s cape seemed eerily serene. Much too quiet. Grateful for the moonlight that aided the beams of the headlights, Kate stared out the windshield and silently prayed that Jon was safe. “Why would he do this?” Daegan wondered, casting a glance in her direction. “I wish I knew.” “You two have a fight?” She fingered the disintegrating upholstery on the door. “Not really... but, well, as I said, he wanted you to come over tomorrow for Christmas.” “And you didn’t,” he guessed, his voice edged with bitterness. “I don’t know what I want,” she admitted, biting her lower lip. “Funny, isn’t it? A few months ago I could tell anyone who asked exactly what I wanted out of life, what I expected, and then... then you came into town, into my life and now... now I can’t even figure out what it is I need in life.” Sighing, she k ept her gaze trained on the underbrush looking for something, anything that would help. “Right now all I care about is Jon.” “That makes two of us.” The road was narrow and treacherous, winding along the side of a ste ep cliff, cutting ever downward toward the river. “Look,” he said. “Footst eps joined him.” She saw them, too, the double tracks. Someone was walking with Jon. Her heart froze in fear. Who? Another kidnapper? But why had Jon willingly met him? Maybe he’d decided to meet Jennifer in a secret rendezvous, but why so far away? It was miles to Jennifer’s house in town. “Who would he meet?” Daegan asked.
“Just you... or his girlfriend.” “Girlfriend?” “Jennifer Caruso, a girl he’s liked for a long time, I think.” “Does she wear size thirteens?” “She’s small. Petite.” Daegan’s jaw was so tight, his bone showed through his skin. “From the looks of it, Jon hooked up with a man.” “Oh God,” she whispered, clenching her fists and gnawing at her index finger in frustration. Rounding a hairpin corner, the truck shimmied a little and Daegan worked the wheel, letting the pickup slide toward the edge, pumping the brakes. “Hang on,” he ordered, and Kate could do little else. She closed her eyes as the ravine gaped in front of the nose of the truck. Her heart hammered and she stood on nonexistent brakes. “Come on, you overrated piece of scrap metal, hold, damn you.” With a groan the truck’s wheels caught and again it nosed down the road the right way again. She let out her breath. So slowly she was sure she was going out of her mind, the truck inched down the mountainside then leveled at the river, where the old bridge had long ago washed away. The water, black and menacing, rushed swiftly through the cliffs, cutting a jagged path. “We’ll have to go on foot from here,” Daegan said, “though it looks like we’re close.” Kate followed his gaze in the darkness. “Buckshot?” Her heart stopped as she recognized Buckshot, rider-less, reins wrapped around the lower branch of a tree. She jumped out of the truck and approached the animal. “But where’s Jon?” Back to the wind, one leg cocked, ears flat, the colt stood, only flicking his ears and snorting when Daegan placed a gloved hand on his nose. “Good boy,” he said. “Now where’s Jon?” Both sets of footprints headed downstream, and over the rush of the water she heard voices, faint but definite. Kate dashed forward while Daegan grabbed something from the back of the truck. “Jon!” she yelled. “Slow down, you don’t know what you’re going to find,” Daegan warned. She didn’t care. She wasn’t going to lose her boy again. Slogging through the snow, slipping on rocks near the shore, she ran. “So much for the element of surprise,” Daegan said, catching her and plowing forward as they slipped at a bend in the river and spied their son and his companion. Jon was on the shore, holding a stick, running alongside the river. Someone was in the icy d epths, screaming desperately, trying to grab on to Jon’s slick, outstretched branch. “Holy Christ!” Daegan swore. “Todd,” she whispered, sick when she saw his head sink below the rippling surface. “Hang on, Neider, hang on!” Jon yelled, reaching out a little farther, trying to hold on to the branch of a tree that bent over the river while stretching out farther and farther. “Wait!” Daegan yelled but it was too late. Todd grabbed hold of the stick. Jon strained under the weight of the heavier boy and the power of the current snapped the branch like a matchstick. Both boys slid into the icy d epths, their heads bobbing along with the current, screams reverberating through the dark gorge. “Jon, no! Hang on!” Kate cried.
Running toward the riverbank, Daegan kicked off his boots and shucked out of his jacket. Then, still sprinting, he wrapped the end of the rope around his fingers. “Hurry up!” he screamed at her. “And grab the other end!” “No, what’re you going to do?” He dropped the coil of rope, ran around a tree, and then took off into the water, splashing and yelling at Jon to hang on while the rope uncoiled. She didn’t think, just reached the end of the rope and looped it once more around the trunk of the tree, tying off the end and digging her heels into the snow. Watching in horror, she saw Daegan’s head surface and bob, far away from either boy. “Save them,” she prayed, wondering how she could ever have doubted him, knowing that she would never love another man as she loved him. “Please, please, save them. Jon!” she cried when he disappeared from view. Neider crashed into a rock and clung on, sobbing loudly over the current’s roar. “You hang on, Todd! We’ll get help.” But her eyes searched the darkness of the river’s frigid d epths and she saw no one. “Help me!” Todd cried, hysteria evident in his voice. “We will.” “Please, help me!” Dear Lord he was probably half-frozen already, suffering from hypothermia. And Jon, where was Jon? She scanned the deadly water, her heart pounding out a cadence of dread, her mind silently screaming that they had to be safe, they had to be. “I love you,” she whispered into the night. “I love you both.” Was it possible because of her stupid pride that Daegan would never know how much she cared about him, that he’d never live to hear her say the words that now filled her heart and soul? “Daegan!” she screamed. “Daegan!” And then she saw him, slogging toward her out of the icy d epths of the river, carrying Jon in his arms, breathing hard. She cried out and ran forward, her arms outstretched. “Stop!” Daegan ordered and she froze. “Stay dry, for Christ’s sake. Someone’s gonna have to drive the damned truck!” At the shoreline Jon scrambled to the ground and Daegan ordered him to the truck for blankets, then he turned, and shivering, his wet hair plastered to his face, he walked upstream and dove in again. “No,” she whispered, watching as he let the current carry him toward Todd. Her eyes stayed on him as she removed her jacket and tucked it over her son’s shoulders. Daegan swam, gasping, crossing the water’s swift current. At last he reached the rock. Then, while the huge boy clung to him, he made his way to the shore. Kate and Jon, teeth chattering crazily, helped by dragging on the tow line, pulling them forward, easing them to the shore. Once Todd landed on the icy bank, Kate and Daegan helped him up to the truck, with Jon wrapping them both in blankets, seating them in the warming cab. As Daegan closed the door of the truck to ke ep in the heat, Kate flung herself at him, kissing his cold skin, holding him tight, ignoring his protests that she’d get wet and freeze. “Oh, God, Daegan, don’t ever leave me again,” she cried, tears of relief drizzling from her eyes. “I love you, I love you, I love you.”
He chuckled and coughed, his skin a sick shade of blue. One strong arm held her close. “About time you realized it,” he said, pressing frigid lips to her hair. “Marry me, Daegan O’Rourke,” she insisted and his grin slashed white in the darkness. His arms tightened around her. “You got yourself a deal, lady,” he said, shivering, “but do you mind if I warm up first?”
Epilogue The wind sw ept low over the Montana hillside and Kate stood on her front porch, eyeing the horizon, waiting for two riders. Snow lay in patches on the ground, but the scent of spring was in the air and a few early buds were visible on the fruit trees. She and Daegan had moved in January after a quick wedding and a long discussion with the administrators of the college in Bend. It had been time for a new start, Kate thought, and time to leave the little town that knew too much about her and her son—their son. She’d even sold her house. After Jon had saved Todd Neider’s life, Todd had been less than grateful. He’d been running away from his father and blamed Jon and Daegan for making him face the music as well as his old man again. But he’d been moved to foster care, and Carl Neider had promised the social worker he’d change his ways and quit drinking, join AA, and stop beating his son. No one, least of all Todd, believed that was possible. The Sullivans, according to Sandy, were ke eping quiet. Frank was charged in Stuart’s death, Robert refused to speak to his brother, Alicia was getting a divorce, and Collin, recovering slowly, was attempting to reconcile with his wife. But there seemed to be an unwritten law that they would never again bother Daegan or his small family. Neils Van Horn hadn’t fared quite as well. His trial for the kidnapping of Jon Summers was still pending. Legal experts were arguing on the legality of the first adoption and the manner in which Jon was to be “returned” to the Sullivan family. Meanwhile, the Boston media k ept citing Van Horn as he insisted that both Alicia Sullivan Mc Givens and Robert Sullivan had been accomplices in the abduction and kidnapping. Time would tell. His family had given d epositions and Daegan had been assured that everything possible would be done to avoid disrupting Jon’s new life if they needed him to testify in court. Kate had been working on reconciling Daegan with his mother, now that Frank was out of the picture, and had talked to Mary Ellen several times on the phone as well as having persuaded Daegan to speak with her on multiple occasions. They had all made plans for Mary Ellen to come out to Montana to visit them so Jon could meet his grandmother, and she and Daegan could see each other. Since Christmas Eve when he’d awoke seeing a vision of Todd drowning, Jon hadn’t had any more visions—or at least none that he talked about. He seemed well adjusted here, catching movies with his friends, spending time after school with his father. His father. The thought that Daegan was Jon’s father warmed her heart. She spied them riding over the ridge, two tall men on lanky horses. Waving frantically, she heard Jon’s whoop and then watched as the two beasts took off at a hard gallop and tore past the barn to slide to a stop just before reaching the fence. It was the regular evening ritual, the race between father and son. “We’ll be there in a second,” Daegan called to her and her heart thrilled at the sound of his voice. Her husband, the man she’d eloped with on Christmas Day. Absently she rubbed her abdomen and walked back to the kitchen, where the table was set. In the center of the table was Jon’s birthday cake—three glorious layers of chocolate with dark fudge frosting that proudly supported sixteen, as yet unlit, candles. The coffee had just brewed when she heard their boots on the back porch and the sound of old pipes creaking as they washed their hands. Within seconds, in stocking feet, they walked into the kitchen and warmed their hands by the woodstove.
“Find any strays?” she asked. “Nope,” Daegan r eplied and his gaze touched hers in a way that made the pulse at her throat leap in anticipation. “Naw, but we fixed the fence.” Jon rolled his eyes as he sat at the table and eyed the chocolate cake. When he thought his mother’s back was turned, he scooped a finger full of the icing and plopped it into his mouth. “I saw that.” “Yeah, because you’ve got eyes in the back of your head.” Daegan winked at his son and nabbed a smidgen of frosting on his finger. “Like father, like son,” she said as she poured two cups of coffee and a glass of milk. “Don’t we have to eat dinner first?” Daegan asked. She shook her head. “Jon and I have always thought birthday cake should be eaten when you’re hungry. We’ll have dinner in an hour or so. Okay?” She struck a match and lit all sixteen candles. They blazed brightly in the cozy little kitchen. “Before you blow them out,” she said, “we have a couple of things for you.” Jon grinned. “A new car! A Fiat, or a kickin’ truck or a Corvette or—” “In your dreams,” his mother said with a laugh. “Not quite a Corvette, but transportation.” Daegan reached into the inside pocket of his jacket and handed his boy an envelope. “What’s this?” Jon asked, opening the folded white paper and scowling as he read. “It’s Buckshot’s papers. He’s yours now,” Daegan said, and Jon’s eyes widened in surprise and delight. “You can sell him if you want and buy a cheap car with the cash—” “No way!” Jon said, biting his lip and glancing from one parent to the other. “I—I can’t believe it. This is great. Really great. Thanks!” “And there’s something else—but it’s not from us,” Kate said and handed him another envelope, this one perfumed and sealed with wax. “Jennifer,” he said, blushing, his Adam’s apple moving. “I’ll read this later.” He stuffed the letter into his back pocket. “Okay, so let’s get to it.” Kate held her husband’s hand and smiled at her boy. “Make a wish!” He hesitated, closed his eyes, then filled his lungs and blew out the candles in a rush of air that could have extinguished an inferno. Kate handed him the knife. “Aren’t you gonna ask what I wished for?” She laughed. “And ruin it so it won’t come true?” “Oh, it’ll come true all right. I already saw it.” “‘Saw’ it?” she asked, her mouth going dry. “Umhm.” He took his mother’s free hand and smiled. “You’re pregnant, aren’t you?”
She swallowed hard. “I, well, yes.” She felt color wash up her neck and Daegan grinned widely as he squeezed her hand. Fortunately, he already knew that they were expecting a baby. “It’ll be born on S eptember 10,” Jon said, and when she was about to protest, he held both hands near his head as if in surrender. “I know, I know that’s three weeks early, but that’s the day it’s gonna happen and you’ll name him Jason.” “How do you know it’ll be a boy?” she asked, but already guessed the truth. Jon grinned widely. “I know, Mom, trust me. Hey, this cake is great!” He dug into the chocolate, gulped down his glass of milk, and ate a second piece. Then he scooted back his chair and announced that he was going out to check on his colt, but Kate suspected that he really wanted to be alone to savor Jennifer’s letter. They came regularly and Jon wasn’t yet interested in any girls at his new school. Daegan and Kate cleared the dishes, then Daegan drew her into the circle of his arms and kissed her lightly on the forehead. “You know, Mrs. O’Rourke, you’ve made me incredibly happy.” She angled her head up at him. “Are you going to show me how happy?” “Mmm. Later. All night long if you want. But first you should know that Jon’s wrong.” “Wrong? About what?” He laid a hand over her abdomen and closed his eyes. “We’re going to have twins, Kate, a boy and a girl, and we’re going to name them Jason and Julianne.” She laughed and he opened one eye as if checking her reaction. “Twins? I don’t think so.” Cocking a dark eyebrow, he said, “You doubt me? Doubt my gift?” His gray eye glinted suggestively. “Me? Never,” she said, then blew it by laughing again. “Just wait and see, woman. You’ll be in awe.” “I already am,” she whispered and wound her arms around his neck, happier than she’d ever been in her life. On S eptember 10, Kate’s water broke, and at ten minutes to midnight, Jason Patrick O’Rourke entered the world. Twenty-three minutes later on S eptember 11, his sister, Julianne Orchid, joined the family. An hour after she’d delivered her babies, Kate lay in her hospital bed, a swaddled and sle eping twin in each arm. The hospital was quiet, the lights dimmed, but Daegan, who had spent hours holding his new children, now stood near the bed, as if unable to tear himself away. Tears stood in his eyes and he brushed a kiss across her temple. “Thank you,” he said and emotion clogged his throat. “Geez, you guys aren’t gonna get all mushy on me, are ya?” Jon said, but his own voice sounded de eper than usual, and even from his chair near the window, he couldn’t take his curious eyes off his new brother and sister. They, the five of them, were a family, never to be broken. Kate’s throat clogged with emotion as she whispered back to her husband, “Thank you.” “Really, I can’t listen to this,” Jon said, but his lips curved into a smile.
Kate laughed, Daegan cleared his throat, Jason gurgled, Julianne whimpered before going back to sle ep, and Jon rolled his eyes. Sighing happily, Kate smiled as she realized that sometimes, no matter what the odds, wishes really do come true.