The hallway light was on as my taxi pulled up. I stared at the glow, as transfixed as a moth, my hand
refusing to dig into my handbag for the fare. I took a breath in, tried to reset. ‘Hi, darling,’ I trilled, as I
finally st epped inside. Nick ambled down the hall towards me. His shirt was untucked, a couple of
buttons undone. ‘Hi baby,’ he said, leaning down to kiss my mouth. ‘How was she? I got stuck on the
call until nine, so I just got some Deliveroo with Martin. Thank fuck for the mute button.’ He gestured
at a grease spot on his shirt. ‘Noodles. Disaster.’
I smiled, the blackness of my mood momentarily lifting. He always made me laugh. Rachel did, too.
‘Don’t worry,’ I said, following him down the hallway to the kitchen. ‘We had fun without you.’ I hit
the button on the filter tap. I hoped he didn’t see the way the water splished and splashed in response to
my shaky grip on the glass. ‘How’d she seem?’ asked Nick. ‘She doing better?’
My eyes prickled with tears, and I k ept my face turned away. I hit the button again, filled the glass right
to the brim. ‘Lily? Are you alright?’ I stood there a second too long, holding tight to all of it. To
everything that Rachel had said to me. Then I turned, a smile fixed in place. ‘Oh, I think I’m a bit
drunk!’ I said, manufacturing a giggle. ‘It was actually really lovely,’ I said. ‘She’s doing much better at
work.’ Nick nodded approvingly. ‘And she was drinking San Pellegrino all night.’
He exhaled, a broad grin on his face. ‘What, like it was vodka?’ I made a face that told him it was too
soon for a joke like that. ‘And it’s okay with the two of you now?’
Humiliation twisted inside of me. ‘I just said it was lovely,’ I r eplied tartly. I softened my tone. ‘It’s
cramped in there, cozy. It was embarrassing actually – the next table k ept staring at us because we were
laughing so much. She was telling me all about her big project at work, all the fools she has to tolerate
to make it all work.’ He didn’t hear the edge to my voice. Only I did.
‘Thank Christ she’s back on track,’ said Nick. It was illogically irritating how easy it was to lie to him.
It suited him, my version of events. He had the supreme luxury of believing me. ‘Let’s just hope it lasts.
So, this Amber woman’s worth all the cash we’re throwing at her?’ I nearly broke then. I nearly threw
myself at his grease-smeared chest, let the tears, which were so ready to flow, wash the stain away. But
the thing was, Rachel was right, even though I couldn’t have admitted it yet. Truth was the most
expensive luxury of all in this family.
‘Definitely,’ I said, squeezing his hand, already on the move. ‘I’ll see you upstairs.’ I was the biggest
liar of all of us, of course, but it would be a while until any of them found me out.