I dropped by in the morning with two steaming lattes that I’d picked up in an unexpected gap between
viewings – an entirely self-created one – and flattered Nick into taking an afternoon off. ‘You did so
well to research all of that legal stuff,’ I told him. ‘We’ve got a way forward now the police are
in volved. It’s good for you to have the time with Josh. Let’s ke ep hold of the other two as tightly as we
can. We can’t let Rachel’s state of mind poison any more corners of our family.’ I’d kissed him lightly
on the lips, his stubble grazing my cheek. ‘It’s too precious.’
He seemed happy with that: a Friday afternoon on a squash court with our son was never going to be
unwelcome, and the level of deals he’d been overseeing recently meant that he could hardly worry about
leaving the fort for a single afternoon. It was an ancient mini i Pad that I slipped down the soft d epths of
the plump sofa cushions, one that I hadn’t used in years, but no one other than me needed to know it
wasn’t a vital piece of equipment.
I got back there at four, sliding the Golf I used for work into Nick’s empty parking slot. I sw ept through
the office like it was my fiefdom, finding Esther diligently typing behind a monitor in the open-plan
area. ‘Hi, Esther,’ I called out. Her face betrayed a tremor of unease before she swiftly rearranged it into
a wide grin. The teeth it displayed had a yellowish quality, which made me wonder if she still sneakily
puffed on roll-ups the same way that she did as a teenager, the flakes of Golden Virginia getting trapped
in the weave of her baggy jumpers. The thought of it was winding, a prickling sensation stinging the
back of my eyes. I turned the pain into fuel.
‘Lily!’ she cried. ‘Nick’s not actually here.’
‘I know. I’m the one who gave him the afternoon off!’ I said, my laughter jarring in my ears. ‘I think I
left my i Pad here and I didn’t want to put him off his game. Will you come and help me check his
office?’ Her momentary hesitation flooded me with satisfaction. ‘Of course!’ she said, jumping up and
heading down the corridor. It was her who opened the door, and me who shut it firmly behind us. I
hoped the click sounded like a gunshot to her. It wasn’t friendly fire.
‘Doesn’t look like it’s on his desk,’ she said, st epping behind it like it was her own. A spurt of bile shot
through me, and I decided to cut to the chase. ‘No, I don’t think it is,’ I said, standing stock still and
contemplating her. The tight little office shift dress that looked like something aspirational from a 90 s
car commercial. The court shoes with their sloping, flattened heels, as if it was too big a hassle or
expense to r eplace them or find a cobbler. Her unease was palpable now. I gave it a few more seconds.
‘I’m not quite sure why you’re still here, Esther.’ ‘Hasn’t Nick told you? I was teaching in Spain, and
then it just seemed to dry up, and he was kind enough...’ I ignored her, instead looking out of the
window at the Friday afternoon traffic streaming towards the Hammersmith flyover. ‘I know the bare
facts, but you and I also know that we’ve got an agreement.
I’ve ignored your presence up to now, because I assumed you’d honour it.’ She reddened, looking down
at the desk. ‘I’m sorry, Lily, I promise I’ll be gone soon.’ I could hear the Northern lilt in her voice, the
way the ‘I’ lazily stretched itself out like a stray cat in a patch of sunlight. She really hadn’t learned that
the first rule of moving up in life is to paper over the cracks – no wonder her heels were worn down to
wafers.
‘I k ept my side of the bargain before Christmas,’ I said. ‘Yeah, I know you did. I’m really grateful,’ she
said, stumbling over her words. ‘I want you gone,’ I said. ‘It’s not a request.’ I k ept staring at her,
wondering if my gaze could actually succeed in reducing her to tears: I was a Jedi warrior with a very
specific set of skills. Then I turned on my heels and slipped a hand down the side of the sofa, pulling the
i Pad out like a magician performing his final trick.
‘There it is! I don’t know how I managed to leave it in such an unlikely place.’ Esther’s shoulders
slumped, her body registering defeat. Certainly, that’s what I put it down to at the time. ‘At least you’ve
found it now,’ she stammered. ‘Absolutely. I got what I came for.’ I pushed the i Pad into the de ep
recesses of my black leather tote and swung the door wide. ‘Have a lovely weekend, won’t you?’
It’s galling to think, from where I stand now, that there’s every chance she actually did.