If You’re Going Down, Go All the Way Down...
“He definitely meant you guys, not me,” I say.
We are in the elevator, heading back to the lobby, Sam already on his phone, trying to reach Tommy.
“Yeah, ’cause that’s the point we should be focusing on...” he says. “Besides, Grace wouldn’t have said
that. He was just trying to get rid of us.”
My instinct is that Sam is correct. But why was Paul so anxious to get rid of us? Was it just that he was late
for his daughter—or was there something else he didn’t want to tell us?
I hear the be ep come through Sam’s phone, connecting him to Tommy’s voicemail. “Hey, why are you
talking to Paul Turner?” Sam says into the phone. “What the fuck is going on, Tommy?”
He clicks off, shaking his head. “Can you try and calm down?” I say. “This is just like him. I’m working
with all these people and none of them wants to tell me anything. Dad was ke eping all sorts of secrets and now
Uncle Joe is what? Stealing fucking laptops?”
“We don’t know he has it.” “No, but I do know my brother. And if he is reaching out to Paul, it’s because
he’s up to something.”
The elevator door pops open and Sam starts moving through the lobby. I almost have to run to ke ep up.
“Did you talk to Tommy about Dad’s accident?” I ask. “Maybe he ended up here the same way we did.”
“No, I didn’t talk to him about any of that. He would just have told me I was crazy. Besides, Tommy only
cares about what affects Tommy. I know you probably think the same about me.”
“That’s a lot to throw at me.” “Bottom line is we need to talk to Tommy in person.” “Didn’t you say he’s
upstate?” He nods. “North of Hudson. But it’s like a three-hour drive, tops.” “Oh, is that all?” “If I drive, I can
get us there closer to two,” he says. “We should go first thing tomorrow.”
“I’m not anxious for you to be driving me anywhere, to be honest.” Sam looks wild-eyed and exhausted.
And, it seems to me, this mission is to the side of whatever we are trying to figure out. At least the part of it
where he looks like he wants to tear Tommy’s eyes out.
“Look, this is really between you two. My only interest here is what happened to Dad that night.”
“Exc ept that it’s all related.” Is it? I start to do the math on what’s going on, what we have found out for
sure. Our father was going to sell his company to someone else, after a lifetime of not even considering selling
it. Then, for reasons unknown, he walked it all the way back and decided to leave the company to his sons.
And, eight days after that, he made two phone calls to an old lover and then fell off a cliff that he knew like the
back of his hand.
If this was all related, who would have a reason be on the cliff with him that night? Who would have a
reason if it wasn’t?
“What’s that look?” Sam says. “Thought,” I say. “I thought the same about you.” He looks at me,
confused. “What are you talking about?” “You said that Tommy is only ever out for helping Tommy, and that
I probably think that about you,” I say. “I did think that. I was wrong.”
We st ep outside into the city streets and Sam gives me a quick nod. He tries to be casual about it, but I can
see how much that matters to him.
Tomorrow is supposed to be the start of a new work week. I scheduled a conference call about a large
commission in Sag Harbor. I have an on-site inspection and a long-planned lunch with an interior design firm I
often collaborate with. I have work—days of work—piling up in a way I never allow to
happen. And I have Jack. Most urgently Jack, who it has felt easier to have space from this weekend. As if
easier is the goal, as if the goal isn’t to figure out how to get back to it. To how we normally exist. How
intimate and de ep Jack and I naturally go.
But Sam’s need is coming off him like a sound wave. Like an alarm. And I can’t ignore it.
“You need to be waiting outside of my house at nine thirty tomorrow morning, you hear me? Or I’m done
with this.”
It deflates it, the pressure between his eyes, his energy shifting, a smile coming onto his face.
“I’ll have the engine running,” he says. I start to turn onto Clark Street, toward the subway, when I hear
Sam’s voice. “You ready to admit that I’m growing on you?” “Good night, Sam.” “A little?” he calls out. I
shake my head, not turning around. “Fine by me!” he says. “We’ll leave it unsaid.”