Ava Saying the words overwhelms me with sadness, especially considering everything that has changed in the last couple of weeks. In light of the man standing before me, the look of hurt on his face ripping my heart in two. I look away as tears I have not shed, even when I got the news, rise to the surface. Now. While I am with Braiden. “Is that all you have to say?” Braiden is standing a few feet from me, but now I feel like we are a whole world apart. “Ava!” He raises his voice as if I didn’t hear him the first time. I get up, averting my gaze as I try to es cape from the room. I just need to be alone. “No. You are not running away.” Braiden blocks my retreat, standing in the doorframe so I cannot get past. I can’t take it anymore. A crack in the barrier that had taken me years to construct formed when I met Braiden, and now it was cracking further under his scrutiny. Under his pure perseverance to have everything out in the open. The walls crumble, and I hate that it chose this moment to happen. Leaving me feeling vulnerable. “What do you want me to say, Braiden? What?!” I shout, st epping back, and finally looking at him as tears stream down my face. “Do you think I want any of this? Do you think I enjoy having one thing after another happen to me without my control? To be cast out by my pack? To have this silver in my body?” I sob, smacking my arm where I know one lies under the skin. “While I wouldn’t have minded this outcome a couple of weeks ago, considering the utter loneliness that seemed to sit de ep in my soul and the lack of belonging anywhere, now...” I cannot finish the sentence. It would be out there, and then I couldn’t take it back. I look away, his eyes too gentle, too understanding. “Now what, Ava?” Braiden's soft voice engulfs me as he st eps forward, wrapping me in his arms and holding me close to his chest. “Now... now...” I gulp, looking inside me. Looking at the truth of what I am about to say. “Now there is you.” It’s out. I have said it. Tears pour out of me as he holds me closer, rubbing his hand down my back and hair. Soothing me as if I haven’t just admitted the most damning thing. This had become complicated now that I cared about someone other than myself. Harder. I felt relieved when I saw Nick and Samuel together. The worry that he would be alone was gone. With it gone, I came to acc ept my fate, but now, it tore me apart. The idea of dying. Of not seeing Braiden again. Not kissing him. Not fighting with him. Not being in the space of his quiet, and sometimes very loud, dominance. I wanted to live. And it broke my heart. Everything I would not get to do shattered me, and I knew this was the real reason I had been pushing Braiden away. Pushing this pack away. Pushing the life I couldn’t have away. I put my arms around him, gripping onto him for dear life as the minutes tick by and my tears peter off until all that remains are hiccups and Braiden's wet shirt.
“Come. Let's go downstairs, and I’ll make you some tea. Then we can talk.” Braiden pulls back slightly, gently brushing my hair out of my face. “Okay. I need a minute,” I say, pointing to the bathroom. When I finish blowing my nose, splashing my face with water, and tying my hair up, Braiden has a fresh cup of chamomile tea waiting for me on the kitchen counter. It is nearly midnight, and the stars are out in full force. He is standing on the balcony, gazing into the forest. God, he is magnificent. Not just his physique. Everything about him. The way he handles himself. The way he handles me. Challenges me. Makes me admit my feelings. Never gives up. Of all the men to be mated to, I would never have imagined it could be a man like Braiden. He is everything a woman could want, as infuriating as he sometimes was. I take the opportunity to drink him in, just like my tea. Tall and muscular, with black hair, gray eyes, a sharp jaw, and a slightly pointed nose. And lips that make me forget everything else. “I can smell you, little minx.” The words are surprising as Braiden still has his back to me. So surprising that I choke on my tea, making Braiden laugh as he turns to face me. “Is the tea not to your liking?” The way Braiden asks me, I can tell he is not talking about the tea in my cup. He knows I was checking him out. “A little bitter. Needs more honey,” I say purposefully, pulling a face as I take another sip. “Sure,” he drags the word out, peering into my near-empty cup as he takes it from me and places it on the table before wrapping his arms around me. “Ava. We need to talk about something. Something that is maybe difficult for you.” I pull back from him, his stern expression and tone worrying me. “Okay.” He releases me and pulls out a chair around a table on the deck, which I sit in while he sits opposite. “Dr. Adams has reviewed your test results and the full body scans. He says the only way to get the silver out of your body would be to find the doctor who originally placed it there.” This did not sound like good news. Part of me hoped there would be a doctor here who could perform a miracle. “I told Dr. Adams you have no memory of that time. He is suggesting, if you are willing, that you undergo hypnosis. A friend of his, Dr. Sandra Lewis, specializes in this. And she would be more than willing to come out here and have a couple of sessions with you.” I had already tried this five years ago with no success. But back then, I didn’t want to remember. I was resistant to it, but Nick thought it was a good idea. That it could help me deal with the trauma. I went because he asked me. But I never wanted to be there, and the hypnotherapist told me my resistance was hindering the progress of the sessions. Eventually, she canceled with me. Perhaps now that my life d epended on it, this time would be different. Braiden waits for me to answer, his patience with me so endearing. “I’ll try it.” This earns me a gorgeous smile. “In the meantime, Dr. Adams is in discussion with a pack doctor in the South who performs experimental procedures. He has been sent your case files, and he will let us know if he has another solution.”
What if there wasn’t another solution? How long did I have? The doctor who told me weeks ago was a human doctor, so he couldn’t tell me how long I had. He also said he had never heard of this happening with a wolf, so he doubted a precedent existed. “Ava, don’t worry. I won’t let you die.” Braiden's voice is so confident, a small glimmer of hope roots itself. “Did Dr. Adams say how long I have?” Did I want to know if he did? “With your levels of toxicity, a normal wolf would be dead. As a white wolf, it is difficult to say. But you are not showing any normal signs, which is good. Your wolf is strong, Ava. You are strong.” Braiden gives me a reassuring smile and a squeeze of my hand, though I can sense there is something else. “What is it, Braiden? There is something you’re not telling me.” He looks at me, and I can see the hesitation as he thinks before finally speaking. “You know that as the royal pack, we rehabilitate abused wolves. As the King, I have a responsibility to all werewolves to protect and serve them.” Braiden's words are spoken with a heaviness that betrays his feelings about this situation—reminding me that this man is not just anyone. He has responsibilities far greater than I am aware of. “The gala was more than just a social event. We are working closely with the government, trying to find the head of one of these organizations, the biggest one. The Underground. Apparently, this individual was at the gala.” My mind goes back to that night, sifting through all the people Nicki introduced me to. None stand out besides the last one. Sir Ravensborough. “Who is he?” I ask Braiden, though I realize it is a stupid question. If he knew, the person would have been caught by now. “We don’t know. We know he is human, male. But until now, he has evaded every effort to be captured. We suspect he has informants on the inside, even in our pack. That’s what I have been doing this last week. Trying to find the traitors. It is the only way he would know our moves.” I suddenly feel guilty for my childish thoughts about why he was avoiding me. He wasn’t. He was attending to something much bigger than what I had boiled his absence down to. “None of the abuse survivors have been able to identify the man we are looking for, as he usually wears a mask. But all of them say the same name. The Butcher.” The title sends a shiver down my spine, and my wolf whimpers, familiarity there but the direct connotation missing. Just as Braiden is about to continue, his attention is pulled. His is being mind-linked. I can tell by how his eyes lose focus, like someone daydreaming. I hadn’t been part of a pack link for so long that not being part of one was the norm for me. He abruptly stands up, the stormy look on his face telling me something terrible has happened. “I’m sorry, Ava. But I need to go. A new group of survivors has just come in.” Braiden is torn between staying and going, and I hate that he even feels like he needs to be. This obviously takes priority.
And if I was going to start being part of this pack, I needed to change. I needed to try. “Let me get changed quickly. I’ll come with you.” Braiden's face morphs, a slow smile spreading across his features. He knew what this meant. He knew this was the first st ep towards me acc epting this role beside him. I just hoped I would have enough time. For the first time in a long time, I wanted to live. If Dr. Lewis could help me remember, perhaps we could find the person who did this to me, and stop them from doing this to someone else. A purpose settles de ep within me, fueled by a desire to stand beside the man looking at me with such adoration. We would find whoever did this to me, and we would find The Butcher. Together.