The Beta’s Regret - Chapter 202

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I stood in front of Shevek's room door; the brown mahogany surface stared back at me.

I wasn't sure if he would like to see me, at the same time, I wanted to comfort him.

It took all the strength I had to finally knock on the door.

There was no response. But I knew Shevek was inside. That was the first place he went immediately Eden was laid on the bed to recover.

I knew he came here to reflect.

Today was about him sharing a part of his life with us. It couldn't have been a simple task.

And then, there was Eden's reaction to it. I was glad she was fine; my daughter is everything to me.

I knocked again. When I still didn't get a response, I tried the doorknob and found it unlocked, then I entered.

It was daylight outside, but his room was shrouded in darkness. The thick curtains that hang over the windows were not drawn open today.

I closed the door and allowed my eyes adjust to the room before I said a word.

I could see his silhouette by the window. It was almost too dark to not mistake him for the curtains, but I saw him.

"What are you doing here?" He asked. His voice was rough and cutting. "I wanted to be by myself."

"I know." Tired of squinting in the dark, I said "Open the curtains, please."

It took a while before Shevek moved and dragged a hand over the thick curtains. He drew it to the side, and light poured into the room through the floor to ceiling windows.

His back was turned to me, facing the window. I saw the slump in his shoulders and his crossed hands. He looked lost in my presence, even though I knew he was aware of every movement I made.

Before I could say another word, he placed his hands on the windows and pushed. To my surprise, it gave way to a balcony that overlooked the house grounds.

I never knew he had a balcony attached to his room. But then, what do I really know of Shevek aside from what he has allowed me to know in the past few days?

I followed him as he stepped onto the balcony.

"Rose," he called softly. He didn't look at me, but I could sense the sadness in his voice and with the way he carried himself.

I closed the space between us and placed my hand on my shoulders. I wanted him to face me and share his pain with me.

"Do you want me here?" I also needed to respect his wishes.

He took a pause before he gave a stiff nod. "Stay... I didn't think you would want to see me again after knowing the truth of what I did to my beloved and how my actions threatened Eden's shot at happiness." His voice cracked. "Or are you here to blame me for everything that happened? If that is your intention, don't bother. I already know how much of a terrible person I am." My heart ached.

The thought of how he had to kill a woman he loved still plagued me, but looking at him, I knew it was something he would never forgive himself for. He was still haunted by it. "I'm not here to blame you. I would never." I started. "I admit you could have done things in a better way, but that doesn't mean that I do not see the man beneath all that rage." He turned to me, and I saw the depth of vulnerability he had masked earlier.

"You don't need to pretend to be kind, Rose. I know you are scared of me; neither do I deserve you to forgive me for keeping Lyraea a secret."

I sighed. I removed my hands from his shoulder and stood beside him.

I leaned against the railing and lifted my face to the sky, the clear afternoon air ran over my skin. I closed my eyes. For a few seconds, I stayed in the same position before I opened my eyes and faced him. "You are allowed to keep your secrets and tell me when you want to tell me. I knew you hid it from me because you didn't want me to hate you because of what you have done in the past."

"Are you saying you forgive me for not telling you everything before now?" He frowned. "Even when I tried to make Ryker, Eden's mate?"

Truly, that part took me by surprise, and I would have stopped him if Eden's friends hadn't intervened at the right time.

"I must confess you shocked me, but I see now that it was your own way of trying to protect your daughter. But Lyraea has hurt you, in a way that has made it difficult to heal without scars." I said softly Lord Shevek looked at me, his gaze intense. "It was hard for me. She was my fated, and she betrayed my trust." His jaw clenched tightly.

I stretched out my hand again and

touched his arm. "I know how that feels. I understand you more than you think His gaze didn't leave my face. Suddenly overwhelmed by my own emotions, I looked away. "My mate. Griffin. He was different from who I thought he was. There was no fairytale for me, no happy ending."

Shevek cocked a brow in surprise. "I assumed you haven't met anyone else."

"I did. But he rejected me." I said.

I nodded. "It wasn't your fault." I thought about it. "Or maybe it was slightly your fault. You got me pregnant after all, but then Griffin's actions are in no way justified, was used and abandoned over and over again."

Shevek growled. "What happened?"

"I met him after our night together and found out I was pregnant. He rejected me. I had false hope that he would come to love me eventually but he didn't; instead, he married i best friend and used me as a mistress until he got tired of me." I sighed.

"Why did you allow him to do that to you?" Shevek growled, his voice laced with anger, but I knew it wasn't directed at me.

"I was a fool for hoping he would eventually love me, but Griffin was a manipulator. He knew how to get me to stay exactly where he needed me to be." I smiled. The pain in my voice is evident. "It was tough."

A tear slipped out of my left eye, and Shevek cleaned it off with his thumb as I continued.

"I hated him. I still hate him for the lies and how he used me. So many times I thought of killing him, but I couldn't bring myself to do it." I murmured.

"Believe me, you don't want to." Shevek gave me a sad smile. "It never makes you feel better... talking from experience." He chuckled. "You deserve better."

The air grew heavy with an uneasy silence as I weighed my next question. "What about us? You told me I was your second chance mate. You asked me to give you some time. Tell me, what have you decided?" Shevek ran his hand over his hair, blond strands just like Eden's, shielded his beautiful eyes from my view. I felt tempted to use my fingers to sweep them back, but held myself.

"Rose. I still need more time to decide. I need to figure out what I want. It's not as simple as you make it seem."

"And it's not as difficult as you make it look." I said with a frown. My eyes grew heavy with tears as I felt one roll down. "You know what? Take all the time you need, Shevek."

I turned away, about to leave before the tears could spill over, but before I could take another step, Shevek grabbed me and pulled me to him.

I fell into his arms just as he leaned in and kissed me.

It was nothing like the rough, fiery passion we have always had. No, this was gentle, sweet, and overly passionate. He deepened the kiss, and I matched up with his pace, our lips moving in sync.

He broke the kiss and laid his forehead on mine as we stared into each other's eyes.

"I'm scared... I don't want to hurt you. I can't trust myself to do right by you. but I don't want to lose you either."

His grip tightened on my arm, and he kissed me again, pouring out his heart into it.

At that moment, the sky changed. We looked up to see a rainbow stretched across the horizon. It shimmered. "Maybe it's a sign." I smiled.