Nash Haegan’s funeral was in LA. My parents asked if I wanted to go. They’d fly out there with me. But I didn’t. There was going to be media there, crying fans, people who never even knew him. It wasn’t where I would say good-bye to him. Besides, I’d already done that as we’d been stuck in that car while they worked to get us out. The local news covered the funeral. I didn’t watch it. I couldn’t. I was having nightmares that would wake me up in a cold sweat. Then I’d lie awake, staring at the ceiling for hours, afraid if I closed my eyes I’d see him there. See his lifeless body. Hear the crunching metal. A week passed, and I hadn’t gone back to school. I also wouldn’t acc ept visitors. Ryker was the only one who got in the house. But he was family. I couldn’t ke ep him out. He talked a lot about shit at school, trying to get me to talk. To think about something else. Tallulah had been on my mind a lot too. I’d texted her a million times, then deleted it before I sent it. I missed her almost as much as I hated her. I wanted to ask Ryker about her. About Mr. Dace. If he’d seen them together. But that would make him suspicious. He’d want to know why I was asking. I waited to see if he said anything about her. He didn’t. Not once. He even told me about Blakely being suspended for being caught in the guys’ restroom giving Hunter a blow job in one of the stalls. Hunter had also been suspended, and a freshman would be playing quarterback at the game Friday night. They would lose. They all knew it,
and I could tell Ryker was pissed. Hunter wouldn’t have it easy when he came back. The team would blame him for a long time over that loss. When Ryker walked in my apartment over the garage at his normal time as he did every evening, he announced, “Brett Darby has been sitting outside with Tallulah at lunch.” The first he’d spoken of her. I didn’t know how to react. I shrugged. I wanted to not care. But I did. Ryker dropped my classwork on the large leather ottoman in front of the sofa, where I was currently sitting, staring at the television but not watching it. ESPN was making their weekend predictions for college football scores. I never agreed with them anyway. It wasn’t Brett she wanted. It was fucking Coach D. Brett was stupid to think he could compete with a teacher. But then he didn’t know that was his competition. “Brett’s got a scholarship to UCLA for tennis. A full fucking ride. He’s popular. Girls like him,” Ryker went on as if I didn’t know any of this. “How’s the freshman doing at practice?” I asked, changing the subject to something I didn’t give a shit about. “We’re gonna get our asses handed to us,” he r eplied. “Heard he asked her out Friday night. After the game.” He wasn’t letting it go. Damn his fucking meddling. “Can’t make a pass or what?” I asked as if he hadn’t said anything about Tallulah. “He’s nervous. Got a lot riding on his back. He can’t even remember the plays. It’s a disaster.”
“Work with him. Calm him down. Y’all might still pull this off. Our defense is the best in the state.” “Maybe. Wish Brady was in town. He’d be more help.” “Call him. See if he can give you some pointers. Maybe he can talk to the kid and help him out.” Ryker nodded. “Good idea. He’s got a big game Saturday. I’ll text him to give me a call when he has a chance.” “The freshman was undefeated in junior high school. So it can’t be he doesn’t know how to play. He just needs work and confidence.” Ryker leaned forward and put his elbows on his knees. His gaze locked on me. The wrinkle between his brows meant he was about to say something I didn’t want to hear. “You work with him.” “Fuck no,” I r eplied immediately. “Why? You feel so confident he can do it. That is what he needs to hear. You go work with him. Talk to him. Coach him. He needs someone that thinks he can do this. I personally don’t.” “I wasn’t a quarterback.” “Neither am I, but you sure thought I could do it,” Ryker shot back at me. I had been trying to change the subject off of Tallulah, and now I had this. What the fuck was I going to do now? “I’m not in the right frame of mind to help anyone.” Ryker continued to frown at me. “I get that this was hard on you. It won’t ever go away. But it’s been a week, and it’s time you learned to ke ep living. Stop hiding out in this place.
They’re buried. Mrs. Wise had a heart attack, Nash. Haegan didn’t kill her. She hit y’all when she had the heart attack. Her head fell forward and laid on the horn. They know all this now. No one blames you. There’s no reason to stay here, locked away from life.” I knew that the people who had witnessed the wreck said it looked like Mrs. Wise had lost control. Maybe if Haegan hadn’t been high, he’d have been able to react and get out of the way. But he’d not seen her car come barreling out of control, and she slammed into us head on. I hadn’t seen it either. I had been looking in his direction. My mind wasn’t clear. It might not have saved Mrs. Wise, but there was a chance Haegan would be alive. “I’m coming back next week. I’ll be there Monday.” My dad had already said I had to get back to life. He’d let me stay out long enough. “Come back tomorrow. Help me with this freshman.” “Not sure I can help him,” I r eplied. That was the truth. “It can’t get any worse. At least we can say we tried. And it’ll give you a distraction.” I stared at the television in front of me. This was all I had been doing for a week. I was tired of ESPN. But going back to school meant facing Tallulah. I already had to face the attention I was going to get from everyone else over the accident. Seeing her was going to make it harder. “Okay,” I agreed. I had to go ahead and get it over with. Dreading it made it worse.
Ryker grinned. “Really? You’ll come back. Help me with Kip?” “Who’s Kip?” “The freshman,” he reminded me. “Oh. Yeah.” He leaned back on the sofa and kicked his feet up on the ottoman. “You got beers hidden up here?” I shook my head. “No. My parents are being strict with that shit. Mom is worried I have a drug problem.” He frowned. “And beer has something to do with that? I shrugged. “In her eyes it’s all the same.” “I don’t need it anyway. I need to drink more water.” “I’ve got plenty of that in the fridge.” He turned his head and looked at me. “You ever gonna tell me what she did?” We were back to Tallulah again. “No,” I said without pause. He sighed. “Fine. But I think you’re making a mistake.”