Tallulah Mr. Dace had been absent the day before when I’d arrived to his room to do my teacher’s assistant work. He always left a note with instructions for me. I was thankful he wasn’t there. Being in his class was hard enough. I could feel him watching me even when I wouldn’t make eye contact with him. I’d almost told my mom about the kiss. But I hadn’t because I was afraid of the outcome. I wanted to forget it. Forget all he had said. Nash hadn’t been back at school either, so I was living with the ache of losing him and not being sure why. After a week and not hearing from him, I had acc epted that it was done. Between my broken heart and the secret I was hiding about Mr. Dace, I was a basket of emotions. I didn’t want to leave my bedroom every day. Brett Darby wasn’t helping things. He wouldn’t leave me alone. I just wanted some silence during lunch, but he thought my sitting alone meant I needed company. He had started showing up in the classes we didn’t have together to walk me to my next one. He talked a lot. He liked to talk about himself. I knew he had been playing tennis since he was three, his favorite food was sushi, his middle name was Miller after his grandfather, he drank coffee every morning with three boiled eggs, and he wore a size-twelve shoe. I could promise you he didn’t know any of that about me. He didn’t require I talk. He did the talking, and as long as it appeared I was listening, he was happy. That being the case, he had become harder to shake all week. My silence seemed to make him happy. In his head, I
was enjoying his constant chatter. In reality, it was giving me an es cape. At least when he was going on about his last tennis match or the next pair of shoes he was going to buy, I wasn’t thinking about my problem with Mr. Dace or the pain left from Nash. Yesterday Mr. Dace had asked in his note that I come in at seven fifteen to work on the grading log on his computer. I didn’t like coming in early. There was hardly anyone there, and the teachers that were there were in their rooms working. No students were in the building. It was too quiet. If Mr. Dace wasn’t going to be there, I would be fine. But the idea I’d be alone with him in his room made me nervous. My hope that he would continue his absence when I was in his room was dashed as soon as I opened his door at exactly seven fifteen and saw him sitting at his desk. A sick knot I’d become all too familiar with tightened in my gut. He smiled and waved to two cups of coffee on his desk along with some bakery items from the coffee shop down the road. I recognized the cups. “Come have some caffeine and sugar. I’ll get the computer set up for you. It’s still in my bag. Just got here myself.” His tone was cheery and friendly. As if he hadn’t told me he loved me and kissed me. He almost sounded normal. Like a teacher who wasn’t hitting on his student. Maybe he was going to act like it never happened too. “Okay, thanks,” I r eplied, trying not to sound as nervous and uncomfortable as I was. I took the cup of coffee but didn’t take anything to eat and sat at the desk in front of him, ignoring the chair he had pulled up to his desk directly to the left of him. I wasn’t
sitting that close to him. He looked over at me as he pulled his laptop out of his bag and gave me a crooked grin. As if he was teasing me or thought I was being silly. “I don’t smell bad, Tallulah,” he said. I was aware of that. He knew my reasons for sitting here. “This is a more comfortable spot. Gives us both plenty of room to work.” He opened his laptop, then walked around the table with it in his hands. I scooted back in my seat, trying to get more distance from him as he placed it on the desk in front of me. He didn’t seem to notice I wanted my personal space. Or he didn’t care. “You know how this works.” His voice had dropped lower. As if he were talking quietly so no one heard us. “The grades are in the basket on my desk.” I nodded, wishing he’d move away. Not continue to linger there in my personal space. It had moved past inappropriate now. I started to say something to him and ask him to move when he turned his head, and our faces were inches apart. “I miss you,” he said in a soft voice that made my spine tingle in a very bad way. “Please move back,” I said. My voice meant to be stern, but my building fear made it waver nervously. “I won’t hurt you, Tallulah. You know that.” He leaned in like he was going to kiss me again, and I used my hands to shove him back. His chest was hard, and he didn’t budge. “You’re thinking too much about this. No one will know. It’s okay.” He was whispering against my lips, and I jerked my head to the side to miss his mouth and it landed on my
cheek. He lingered there, and I closed my eyes as tears stung them. I hated this. I should have told my mother. I shouldn’t have thought it was over. I made a huge mistake. “I love you.” His voice now sad. Much like it had been the last time. “He doesn’t. He has not come back here. Another guy is moving in on you, and he’s just letting him. I’d never shut you out. I’d always be here for you.” I fought back the scream building in my throat. If he’d move back, I could run. Run to get away from this. Run home and tell my mother. Stay in my room alone. I didn’t want this attention. This had never been what I was after. Ever. A sound from in the hallway came just when I needed it to. Mr. Dace was gone and back on his side of the desk in the blink of an eye. He’d moved fast. I didn’t wait to see what the noise was. I was just thankful for it. Jumping up, I grabbed my book bag and headed for the door. “Tallulah, don’t go,” he called out. I didn’t look back. But I did pause. “I’m not coming back in here. You can tell the office whatever you want, but I am no longer your teacher’s aide.” He sighed loudly. “I thought you were more mature than the other girls. But this is childish.” His soft cre epy voice had turned annoyed. “Maybe because I’m seventeen,” I r eplied, then opened the door. Freedom and safety were just in my reach. St epping out of the room, I was so focused on getting free I didn’t see them, but I heard her. “There, Mr. Haswell,” Pam said loudly.
I spun around to see Principal Haswell walking toward me with Pam right beside him, looking horrified. “I saw them. She was touching him. They were kissing.” Hearing her say the words, the way the accusation sounded, as if I was a part of what had just happened, sent my fear to a whole new level. What she was saying wasn’t what happened. “Why are you in Mr. Dace’s room so early, Tallulah?” The authority in his tone did little to calm me. I was now close to terrified. “I’m his teacher’s aide. He asked me to come in early today.” My voice cracked. My mouth felt too dry. I tried to swallow and couldn’t. “Is he in there?” Principal Haswell asked. I nodded. “Yes, sir.” He walked past me and went directly to the door. With one twist of the knob he opened it and sent it swinging wide. I didn’t go look. I was frozen in my spot. Pam st epped in front of me, and the smug look now on her face didn’t surprise me. “You deserve this, you little whore,” she whispered. I didn’t know what to say. There was an explanation for what she saw, but I didn’t owe it to her. I had to tell it to Mr. Haswell, though. I just didn’t know if he would believe me. It was my word against both Mr. Dace’s and Pam’s. “Why did you have a student in here with you alone at seven twenty in the morning?” Principal Haswell asked loudly. “She’s my aid. She was logging grades into the system.”
Principal Haswell turned to look at me. “Is that what you were doing?” he asked me. This was it. I had to make a choice. The truth or a lie.