Nash Ryker met me outside my first period. I’d heard her name whispered in class, but no one had said anything. We’d been working on a paper due next week. It was supposed to be silent, but I had no doubt one of the many whispering and looking my way would have told me about Tallulah and Dace. “Wishing I hadn’t pushed for you to come back today,” he said. I shrugged. “Not my problem. Though I feel bad for his wife and kid.” Ryker’s eyes went wide. “He’s married with a kid?” I nodded. I wouldn’t have told anyone else that. But Ryker was different. He might as well have been my brother. He also didn’t talk shit about people. “Damn,” he muttered. “I brought my practice shit. I’ll be ready to help after school. Make sure that quarterback is ready.” Ryker smiled then. “I will.” Having something to do with football helped me not ke ep thinking about Tallulah. “What time...” I began to ask what time he wanted to get started when I saw her locker. I paused. My stomach turned like I’d eaten something bad. In red lipstick the word SLUT was written horizontally and in large letters covering the entire front of Tallulah’s locker. I stared at it, unable to take another st ep. My head was telling me she deserved it, but the sickness in my
stomach didn’t agree. No one deserved that. It was cruel and vicious. Yes, she’d made a fucking mistake. There was a good chance she didn’t know he was married and had a kid. Hell, I didn’t know. Ryker didn’t know. Dace didn’t advertise it. He was still a teacher, and she’d been dating me. At least I thought we had something. I had been her cover. What I was feeling wasn’t hate. It was disappointment and heartache. I’d thought she was different. Special. But she wasn’t. Truth was, most of the girls in this school would have fallen for him if he’d given them the chance. He was the “hot teacher,” and he had gone after Tallulah. That didn’t make her a monster. It made her normal. Average. The same. “I’ll help you clean it,” Ryker said. I hadn’t needed to say anything to him. He knew this was hard on me. But he wasn’t going to let something like that slide by, either. “I doubt she knew he was married. He was older, smarter, and could easily manipulate a teenage girl. I’m not making excuses for her. I just thought I’d point out I don’t think Tallulah should be the one at fault here.” She’d done it. She’d hurt me. I could fault her for that. “I’ll go see what the janitor has to get that off,” I r eplied. I’d ke ep my thoughts to myself. They made me vulnerable. I didn’t want that. No one needed to know how badly she’d hurt me. “I’ll go get us an excuse for class,” Ryker said, then headed the other way. I started toward the janitor’s room when Pam walked in front of me. “It was me who caught them,” she announced smugly. As if she’d won an award. “Lucky you,” I drawled, and k ept walking.
“She wasn’t good enough for you anyway. She’s a slut. Who sle eps with a teacher, anyway?” I paused. Her words pissed me off. I didn’t want to think too de eply about why, but I knew it was because she was making accusations she had no proof of. I knew Tallulah well enough to know she wasn’t having sex with the man. “Really? You caught them going at it?” I asked sarcastically. She shifted her feet and tilted her chin back as if she was important. “No, but I saw them touching. Kissing.” She said the last part as if it was all the proof we needed. “Last time I checked, you were well aware of the vast difference between kissing and sex, Pam. I wasn’t aware kissing made someone a slut. If so, then this entire school is full of them. Me included.” She rolled her eyes. “That’s not what I meant. The rest of the school wasn’t kissing a married man and a teacher!” I took a st ep toward her, my glare locked on her. “Did you know he was married?” I asked, already knowing the answer. She shrugged. “I didn’t ask.” “Did you look at his hand? Was he wearing a wedding band?” Her shrug this time was smaller, with less conviction. “He was still a teacher.” I laughed then. The empty kind I was so fucking good at. “A teacher you threw yourself at every chance you got. But you weren’t the only one who thought he was hot. I heard it daily.” I waved my hand toward the packed hallway. I
noticed we had drawn a crowd. “I bet you’d be hard pressed to find one girl in this high school who didn’t have a crush on Mr. Dace. Yet he wanted Tallulah, so that makes her a slut. He was the adult. He knew better.” As my voice got louder and I defended Tallulah not only to Pam but the others listening, I acc epted that what I was saying was true. I didn’t forgive her. Because it had been me she’d hurt. But I didn’t think it made her a slut. I thought it made her naïve and stupid. Pam threw her hands up dramatically. “Whatever. Take up for her. She caused us to lose a great teacher and football coach. Not that you care about football anymore.” She snarled the last bit, wanting to hurt me. Embarrass me. It didn’t work. “No one wants to hear your shit, Pam. Go on,” Asa said, st epping up beside me. “Besides, Coach D wasn’t that great of a coach. The team will be fine without him. And as for literature, I was failing his class. He sucked as a teacher.” Asa struggled to pay attention in most classes. He thought all teachers sucked. But I was grateful for his st epping in. Not because I couldn’t handle Pam, but because I was tired of being the center of attention. Pam swung her long hair over her shoulder and stalked away. She was done arguing. Thank God. “You’re welcome,” Asa said, grinning. “Thanks, I gotta go.” “Where you going? Second period is the other way.” “Janitor’s closet. I need to clean her locker.” I didn’t say whose. I didn’t have to. There was only one locker that
needed cleaning in this school. “I’ll go with you.” “It’s okay. Ryker’s getting us excuses and helping me.” Asa nodded. “Okay. If you don’t need me, I’ll see you after class.” “We got it. But thanks.” I began walking again when Asa called out. “For the record, I think we don’t know the real story. I don’t think she did it.” If I hadn’t witnessed the kiss myself, I probably wouldn’t have believed it either. I didn’t respond because I had nothing to say. My secret would remain just that. Especially now.