Tallulah After lunch and the constant verbal lashing I was taking from the rest of the student body, I went to the counselor to discuss the possibility of me homeschooling for the rest of the semester. I knew there was a program where you could homeschool but remain on the same curriculum as the school. It was run by the county. I needed all the information on it before I took it to my mother. She’d have questions. I was a distraction in class. Twice before lunch teachers had been forced to stop class and talk to everyone about not spreading rumors. It was all because they were whispering about me, throwing paper at the back of my head, and laughing at each other’s jokes centered on me. I couldn’t learn in that environment, and neither could anyone else. The teachers’ frustration was obvious. I should have known I couldn’t come back here. Thinking I could deal with this and it would be okay was crazy. The counselor called my mother, and we discussed it in her office over speakerphone. When it was over, I was sent to each teacher’s class to get all the work I needed for the next two weeks so I wouldn’t get behind while we were switching me over to the virtual school system. It had been successful in other schools in the county. But no one at Lawton had tried it yet. When school ended, I then had to meet the counselor in the library to get the paperwork and instructions for my mom to get me registered. We went over how to handle it if I chose to return. It was a lot of information, but it k ept my mind off the reason I was doing this.
As I was leaving, Mrs. Milly said she hoped in time I’d come back. She would miss my smiling face in the hallway. That was the first time I teared up. Until she said that I had assumed my absence would go unnoticed. Or simply that no one would care. Hearing her say it, even if she was the counselor, made me feel wanted. Just a little. I sat outside my house now. My car full of books that Brett had helped me load after I dropped them three times in my attempt to carry them. Brett had also told me he would miss me. He hoped I would come back. Then he’d asked for my phone number and if he could text me. Or even call sometime. I had said yes, and at that moment Nash had locked eyes with me. He wouldn’t miss me. My absence would be a relief to him. This morning I had thought no one cared. But now I knew two people did. Yes, I was counting Mrs. Milly. When you’re as limited on friends as I was, you counted it all. Even the adults paid to care. Being the biggest slut at Lawton High and never having had sex was ironic. I’d thought about that a lot today too. At first it had seemed unfair, but I had moved past that. Life wasn’t fair. Haegan’s family would agree with me. This was bad, but it could be worse. My momma had always reminded me that when I had a bad day, there was someone out there who would trade places with me. Never to get down, but be thankful for what I did have.
I was trying to do that, but it was hard. Especially when your car was loaded down with books you wouldn’t normally need yet, but they’d be a part of this semester’s reading. Then the textbooks that couldn’t be r eplaced online. I had to bring those, too. The front door opened, and Momma came walking out. She had been watching for me, and I hadn’t gotten out of my car fast enough for her. The smile on her face wasn’t real. She was worried about me and trying to cheer me up. I was betting there was chocolate pound cake and ice cream waiting on me inside. That was her cure-all. I opened my car door and got out of the car. “I’m coming,” I assured her. “Thought you might need help carrying things,” she said, her voice light with false jolliness. “Momma, today was bad. You already know this. Acting happy won’t cheer me up. This sucks. All of it. I will get over it, though. So stop forcing your smile. It looks painful.” Her smile dropped, and she rung her hands in front of her. “Oh, honey, I’ve been worried sick all day.” I didn’t sugarcoat it. She knew the truth. She’d talked to the counselor. “They liked Mr. Dace. They don’t want to think he did anything wrong. So it has to be my fault. I can’t change their minds. And I can’t go to school with them. They don’t want me there, and I no longer want to be there.” Her eyes filled with tears. “I’d thought this year would be your best. You’d go to prom, and go on dates. You’d have friends and go to football games. You would love going to school every morning. All the things you missed. And that... that... bastard took that from you.”
She looked so distraught I wanted to reassure her, but what could I say? Promise that I’d get to do those things? It was my senior year. This was it. I wouldn’t do any of it. I wouldn’t even go to school. “Let’s go inside and eat the pound cake and ice cream I know is in there,” I suggested. She nodded and sniffled. “Okay. I made fudge topping, too. For the ice cream,” she told me. I’d have to walk extra miles tomorrow, but then I would have more time. Working from home would make things go quicker. I’d have more time for my walks. And for reading. Tonight I’d enjoy the sugar and feel bad for myself. Tomorrow I’d get over it. Move on. Figure out my new schedule. We started to walk inside the house when an older model silver BMW that needed to be washed badly pulled into the driveway. Both of us turned to look at who it was. We didn’t get visitors often. The blond hair was the first thing I saw. She had a lot of it. And she was tall. Striking, even. I’d never seen her in my life. “Can I help you?” my mother asked, smiling in her friendly way. “Yes.” She looked from my mother to me. “I’m here to speak with you and your daughter.” She walked toward us and held out her hand. “I’m Charlotte Dace.” And just like that my sweet momma’s smile fell, and a look of ferocity came over her face. Much like a wolf about to protect its young. I almost expected her to snarl and show
her teeth next. “Then you should have had your lawyer contact ours,” Mother told her in a firm voice that meant business. She also took that moment to st ep in front of me as if she needed to protect me from Charlotte Dace. Charlotte didn’t seem to get upset or pr epare to attack her. She remained calm. “I can understand your reaction. If she were my daughter, I’d feel the same way. However, we don’t need a lawyer. There is no point in it. I had been pr epared to stand beside my husband and defend him. I called a lawyer and set up an appointment. I was determined he’d been seduced by a Lolita. “But he didn’t let me go much further. He admitted it all. He said she had fought off his advances both times. She was naïve and young. Innocent and had no idea how to deal with attention from a grown man. That attracted him more. Then, when I wanted to believe this was a one-time instance, he admitted to two other underage girls he’d had affairs with. Girls who had been willing. And each time he said he loved them.” She stopped then. I stood silently. I knew this already—well I knew about one other girl. The one Officer Mike had mentioned. “Would you like to come inside?” Mom asked, her ferocious demeanor now extinguished. Charlotte nodded. “Yes, please. I’d like to ask Tallulah a few things, if that’s okay with you. I need closure on this. I’m filing for divorce, but I have a long road ahead of me. I intend to fight for full custody of our daughter.” “I don’t blame you,” Mom r eplied. Then she looked at me. “Are you okay with talking to her?”
I was. “Yes,” I told her. “Thank you,” Charlotte said. “I know this hasn’t been easy for you. I don’t want to upset you any more than you’ve already been. I’d just like to ask you a few things to see how much of the truth he’s given me.” I could understand that. “Okay.” We went inside, and the smell of my mother’s pound cake filled the air. It was the first comfort I’d felt all day. It meant I was home. The insecurity that had settled over me when Charlotte Dace introduced herself was gone. “Please have a seat,” Mother said, motioning toward the sofa. “Can I get you coffee? Some pound cake?” Charlotte shook her head. “No thank you. I won’t take much of your time. I appreciate this.” Mom sat down beside me on the love seat. Her hand rested on my knee. It was her show of support. Charlotte shifted in her seat and crossed her legs. “When did he tell you he loved you?” “A little over a week ago. He kissed me, and I ran out of the room and into the nearest restroom. He followed me inside. Told me there.” She nodded. “Did he tell you he was married?” I shook my head. “No. I had no idea. But then it wouldn’t have mattered because I didn’t want his attention.” “Do you think he’s done this with any other girls at the school?” I thought for a moment, then shook my head. “No... I didn’t pay attention to him unless I was in his class. I never once thought of him as more than a teacher.”
She looked up at the photo of me from two years ago that sat on the mantel. “You’ve lost weight,” she said. “Yes.” She moved her gaze back to me. “When? I mean, if you don’t mind me asking.” “This summer,” I told her. She sighed. “He said you were different from the others. You didn’t flirt and had no idea how beautiful you were. He said you were smart and mature for your age. I see now why you’re so different.” She didn’t mean it in a bad way; she was just speaking her thoughts. She stood up. “I believe my husband is unstable. Mentally he has some sickness. It’s the young girls. He is drawn to them. If he contacts you, I’d call the police. I don’t know him. I realize I’m living with a man that I don’t know at all, and I’m terrified.” My mother stood up too. “I’m sorry for you and your daughter,” she said. Charlotte nodded. “I’m sorry for the harm he’s done here, too.” Mom walked Charlotte to the door, and I watched them go. Relieved there would be no court. That I wouldn’t have to defend myself but worried about the little girl who wouldn’t have a father. I’d never had one. But she’d known what it felt like to have a dad, and she was going to lose that. I imagined that would be harder.