Nash I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t looking for her. Because I was. I had been since I walked out of first period. Her car hadn’t been in her parking spot when I got here this morning, and I had been late. Tallulah was never late. It was normal for me to wonder where she was. I was just curious. Fuck that. I was worried. She’d had a hard day yesterday. I hadn’t talked to her, but I had heard enough to know things had been hell for her. Now she was nowhere, and I was ready to leave school and go check on her. But that wasn’t my place. Instead of leaving, I began scanning the crowd in the hallway for Brett. He should know. He’d been up her ass since things had ended with us. And after what I saw yesterday, he didn’t give a shit about the Dace stuff. It hadn’t affected him like it affected me, though. She wasn’t dating him and messing around with Dace at the same time. I looked for him. It wasn’t until I’d thought of every scenario my imagination could come up with through second and third period that I found Brett at his locker on my way to lunch. I didn’t know the guy well. I knew of him. He’d been to a couple field parties. But we weren’t what you considered friends. Merely acquaintances. “Hey,” I said, stopping beside his locker before I could talk myself out of it. If I didn’t find out, it was going to drive me fucking nuts. He turned, and his body instantly tensed when he saw me. “Nash.”
He knew my name. That was good. “Yeah. I saw you talking to Tallulah yesterday. Do you know where she is today?” He studied me a moment. The uncertainty on his face. For a moment I thought he may tell me to go fuck myself. But finally he nodded. “Yeah. I know.” Nothing more. He didn’t elaborate, give me any more information. He was going to make me ask for it. Fine. I’d ask. “Then where is she?” The annoyance in my tone was obvious. He lifted a shoulder, then closed his locker door. “If you don’t know, then she must not have wanted you to. Besides, she said y’all were done. You ended it.” I had ended it, but she’d kissed the motherfucking teacher. I had never liked tennis. I really didn’t like it at this moment. “I had my reasons. Now, where is she?” I demanded this time, instead of asking. He did that stupid quiet-stare thing again. My patience was thinning. “And I guess your reason was the Mr. Dace stuff?” He started to walk away from me then. Just like that, he thought he could just walk off. He acted like my being upset that she was kissing a teacher was stupid. Like I should overlook it. “I guess you’d forgive her, then,” I blurted out. “Overlook the fact she was using you? She was having an affair with a teacher the whole time?” Brett stopped. He turned back to me. “If you believe what you’re saying, then you do not deserve her. The girl I’ve spent less than ten hours talking to, she’d never do what she’s being accused of.”
I wanted to tell him that I had seen it. I knew the fucking truth before anyone else. But I didn’t. That would make this harder on her. I wasn’t going to hurt her any more than she was already hurt. She’d brought it on herself, but that didn’t mean I would make it worse. He walked off then, and I let him. He wasn’t going to give me answers. He was the one kid in the school who believed her. Did she feel guilty about that? Or was she trying to manipulate him? Even as I thought it, I knew it didn’t fit. Tallulah wasn’t like that. This whole situation didn’t make sense. The girl I knew. The girl Brett thought he knew... she didn’t do this. “Homeschool.” Ryker said that one word as he walked up beside me. “She couldn’t take it yesterday. She opted out. She’s homeschooling.” My stomach dropped. Tallulah wasn’t here. She was at home. She was going to stay at home. Away from it all. Safe. Because they’d been too hard on her. She’d taken too much. They’d finally given her more than she could take. I stood there in the hallway, oblivious to the people walking by and what they were saying. All I could think was I’d never see her again. She’d stay tucked away. Her smile wouldn’t light up the hallway. Her laugh was gone. Was that what she deserved? Had her kissing a teacher really been that bad? Why did they hate her so damn much for it? I had a reason, but no one else did.
Yet they’d cracked her. Where years of making fat jokes and laughing at her hadn’t sent her home, this had. Could there be another explanation? I didn’t see how there could. I’d seen them kiss. Pam had seen them kiss. Dace was fired. What other explanation was there? How was she innocent? I wanted her to be. God, I wanted her to be. But she couldn’t be. Could she? Was there a scenario I was missing? “It’s for the best,” Ryker said as his hand rested on my shoulder. “They were never going to let it go. She’d have dealt with it the rest of the year. Pam and her bunch didn’t like Tallulah walking into school looking better than they ever had. She took attention off them. They were jealous. Pam has this ammunition, and she will not let it die. It’s better for Tallulah to homeschool.” “She’d never given up before. They’d never pushed her to run. Tallulah doesn’t run.” Ryker shrugged. “This was different. She was being accused of sle eping with a teacher, one who is married. Some think she’s lying on him. Some think she seduced him. But both sides blame her.” That fucking annoyed me. “He was the adult,” I said angrily. Ryker shrugged. “Yeah. But they still blame her.” “It’s not fair.” It wasn’t. They were all so damn biased. “You wouldn’t see her when she came to the hospital. Her face was streaked with tears, she couldn’t sit down, and she wouldn’t talk to anyone. She k ept wringing her hands, and her eyes were red rimmed. Out of the people in the waiting
room, no one look as scared as Tallulah. She wasn’t gossiping with the others about what caused the wreck or whispering about how Haegan’s body looked. Or how they had to cut him from the car. She was quiet. Her eyes on the door. Waiting on any word about you. And when I sent her home, all she said was that she loved you. Because of what I saw, I can tell you I don’t think she did shit with Dace. I don’t know why you’re pissed at her, but that girl ain’t got a selfish, mean bone in her body.” He was my cousin. He’d never tell a soul. He wouldn’t hurt her with the truth. I waited until the bell rang and the hallway was clear, then I turned to him. “That day. The day of the accident. I saw them. Tallulah and Dace. Haegan was with me. It’s why I smoked the fucking weed. I was hurting. Heartbroken. She kissed him then.” Ryker listened. He didn’t respond right away. I knew he was thinking it over. Just like I knew he’d never share this with anyone. Finally he looked at me. “I didn’t see what you did. I wasn’t there. But I’m gonna ask you one thing. Are you sure you saw it all? Did you stay and watch what happened after? Did she appear to be enjoying it? Did she want it?” I opened my mouth to say yes and stopped. Because I didn’t know. I hadn’t seen anything after the kiss. I’d been fucking destroyed. I’d left. “I don’t... I left....” Ryker raised both eyebrows. “Then just maybe you should find out what happened next. That is, if you’re still thinking about her. If the idea of her being
run out of school bothers you. If not, then let it go. Move on. There are a lot of Blakelys out there to choose from.” He didn’t stand there and wait for my answer. He left. He didn’t need my response. He expected me to make the right decision. For the first time since I’d seen the kiss, I began to doubt it. With that came a sickening feeling in my gut.