Nash Ryker wouldn’t let it go. He k ept pushing until I gave in and went out with him. I knew going meant we wouldn’t be alone. When we passed his house and headed back to the field, I sighed. It was a fucking party. I didn’t want to go to a damn field party. Another reminder of the life I no longer had. “You know this is the last thing I want to do,” I told him. “Yeah. But you sitting your ass at home sulking isn’t healthy. This is.” I shook my head and glared out the window of his truck. “Just let me deal with this my way. Stop trying to help me face it. You don’t know what this is like.” Ryker didn’t respond right away. “Maybe not,” he finally said. “I just hate to see you sit here.” “I need time.” “You’ve had plenty of time. You’ve had a fucking summer’s worth of time.” If I didn’t love him, I’d throw his ass out of this moving vehicle. When we got to the field, I would just walk the eight miles home. Better than putting up with this. Besides, it was a Monday night. Not a field party night. We didn’t party on Monday nights during the school year. This was all about me. Them trying to make me act like the Nash I had been. Didn’t they get it? He was gone.
Cars, trucks, and a few Je eps all filled the parking space among the trees. I recognized most all of them. The ones I didn’t had to be new vehicles. Those who had gotten their licenses over the summer. I laid my head back on the seat and groaned. “I don’t want to do this.” “You need this. To remember it’s not over. We are all still here. We all miss you. Football doesn’t define you.” Angry, my head snapped up and I glared at him. “Does it define you? It’s all we’ve ever known. But it wasn’t taken from you. If it was gone tomorrow, what then?” Ryker shrugged. “I’d find another path. Move on. I don’t love it the way you do, Nash. Never have. It’s just football. It’s not my life.” That was easy for him to say. He wasn’t in my shoes. It wasn’t out of his reach. Never would be. I slung the door open and climbed out. Staring down the road, I considered doing what I had planned: walking home. But the look on my dad’s face if I did made me pause. I was sure he knew exactly where I was and supported it. I didn’t want to face him any more than I did this damn party. “Did you invite the whole fucking school?” I snarled. “Yeah. Now stop being a dick and come drink a beer. Relax. Enjoy yourself.” They were drinking beer on a Monday night before their first game of the season Friday. They needed to practice all week. Stay focused. Get rest. Not drink beer for God’s sake. Did they all think so little of what they had? What they could have? Had I taken it for granted like this?
“It’s one beer. Stop acting like Coach,” Ryker r eplied, reading my thoughts. Without much other choice I walked beside him through the trees with only the moonlight guiding our path. We didn’t need any light. These woods had been our childhood. We knew them well. As we st epped through the tree line and into the open field where a fire pit was already going, cheers arose. They were acting like I’d won some damn award. I heard my name called out a few times. I didn’t even try to respond. That beer was sounding better. After all, I wouldn’t be playing football on Friday. I didn’t need to pr epare. “They are here for you,” Ryker said, as if I needed clarification. “I know that,” I snapped. “Then act like you give a shit.” I was tired of him trying to force this on me. He needed me to act the way I always had so he wouldn’t have to face reality. We wouldn’t be going to college together. We wouldn’t be playing ball together again. Those were the hard truths. I’d faced it, and he needed to now. This hanging on to a fantasy was annoying. “I don’t,” I r eplied. Then I walked on. Away from my cousin, who I knew meant well but was pushing too hard. I needed space. “Nash!” a voice called out. I turned to see Asa standing over by the bed of his truck with Rifle Hannon, Hunter Maclay, and Walker Mc Nair. All guys I would have started with this year. Guys I would never get that close to. A team I wouldn’t be a part of.
I glanced at Hunter one more time to see if Blakely was anywhere near him. I didn’t see her. But my eyes locked on one female. One I wasn’t in the mood to see as much as I wasn’t in the mood for this party. Tallulah. All that blond hair hanging down around her shoulders. Long legs barely covered by the shorts she was wearing, and those eyes. Damn expressive. I hated that I was attracted to her. It wasn’t that I disliked her. I’d always liked Tallulah. I just hated that the fact I was suddenly attracted to her in a way I had never been was because she had lost weight. It almost made her sudden hate for me make sense. Almost. She wasn’t angry with Asa for being all over her. She forgave him for never noticing her in the past. But me, she was furious with me. It annoyed me. Along with everything else in life. “We need to talk,” Blakely said, snapping me out of my thoughts and away from Tallulah. I turned to see her standing to my left. Barely dressed and stunning. Like always. “Now you want to talk?” I asked. She sure hadn’t been interested in it this summer. She rolled her eyes. “Don’t go blaming this on me. You changed. You got so... dark and angry. I couldn’t deal with that. I don’t like to be unhappy.” I stood there and listened to her tell me how my suffering had been bad for her vibe. I shouldn’t be shocked. I’d been the one to date her knowing she was particularly selfish. I’d known her for years. She wasn’t one to be labeled as kind and caring. More like wild and exciting.
“Then what do we have to talk about?” I asked, deciding that walking home wasn’t such a bad idea. “Us. We aren’t working.” I laughed then. Did she think I needed to be told this? Either her intelligence was lacking, or she thought my head had been injured along with my leg. “No kidding.” Her eyes flared, as did her nostrils. “You don’t have to be an ass.” “I’m not. Just find it funny you think I thought there was an us. We haven’t talked in weeks. Besides...” I nodded my head in Hunter’s direction. “You’ve got a junior to break in.” She made a disgusted sound. “You’re a jerk. I shouldn’t have even tried to talk to you. There is no point.” I agreed. She shouldn’t. “Then don’t.” That was enough to send her stalking off in a pair of heels not meant for the grass. She managed to walk in them anyway. I could follow her and make everyone in that group uncomfortable. Say shit to make them wince. But I didn’t feel like wasting my time. I moved toward the beer once again when headlights broke through the trees and caught everyone’s attention. Confused, I turned to watch as a shitty car