Tallulah That might have been an unfair statement. Technically, he hadn’t turned me into a bitch. His actions had an impact on my anger, drive for revenge, and current state of mind. My health was better. My doctor had said as much. No longer was I at risk for type 2 diabetes. If I was honest with myself, that should have been reason enough for me to exercise and choose healthier foods. Instead, it had taken being made fun of by the one guy I liked. Nash shook his head and let out a hard laugh. “Really? I’d love to hear how I am to blame for your current personality faults.” He was looking at me like I was insane. I was starting to feel that way. My reasons seemed ridiculous now. Telling him that he had laughed at a fat joke about me seemed silly. Embarrassing. It also let him know how much his actions affected me. No one needed that kind of power. “Nothing. Forget I said anything,” I snapped, then started walking again. Hoping he’d get in his stupid silver Escalade, that I had once dreamed of riding in, and drive away. Let this go. “I’m to blame for a lot of shit, Tallulah. But being unkind to you was never one of those things. I’ve been nothing but nice to you.” Up until that moment last May, I would have agreed with him. I k ept walking. I didn’t look back. Doing so meant I had to explain myself.
My anger toward him. I would not do that. He didn’t deserve it. After a few moments, and hearing nothing else from him, I chanced a glance in his direction. He was walking—no, he was limping—back to his car. I watched as his once confident swagger was now one that looked painful. Complicated. Even after all that had happened since the last day of school, my chest still ached watching him. Seeing him struggle like that wasn’t easy. I felt guilty for being so mean. For holding that one thing against him. He was hurting, he was angry, and, oddly, he seemed alone. I knew he had friends who worried about him. I witnessed Ryker and Asa today reaching out to him. But still... he seemed alone. His friends hadn’t lost their ability to play football. Their lives hadn’t changed. It was Nash facing that. I had been lonely most of my life. I was fine with it, but I knew Nash Lee had never been alone. He’d been king of the world. Full of life and always at the party. This was more than an adjustment for him. It was a nightmare he wouldn’t wake up from. When he got in his Escalade, I looked away before he saw me. I walked on. Trying not to care what I saw. Not to worry about Nash or feel bad for him. That seemed impossible, though. By the time I reached my driveway, it was after six, and I’d walked over seven miles today. Every time I thought I was done, I walked some more. Needing to think about things. Decide if this revenge thing was worth it. Or pointless.
The fancy black truck that I knew belonged to Asa was parked outside my house, and Asa was leaning up against it with his arms crossed over his chest and a grin on his face when I spotted him. Football practice was over. And he was here. Looking for me. This was what I wanted. Or this was what I had wanted. Once. But I’d thought about it all while walking for almost three hours, and I wasn’t sure what I wanted now. Because a good book and being alone sounded rather nice to me. “How far did you walk?” was his first question when I was close enough to hear him. “Seven miles. Maybe a little more.” His eyebrows shot up. “Damn. I don’t think I’ve walked that much at one time in my life.” I shrugged. There had been many days in the heat of the summer I’d walked ten miles. I enjoyed the solitude of walking. Me and my thoughts alone again. And I wondered if Nash would ever find joy in that, or if he’d always need people around him. “You do that every day?” I shook my head. “No. Some days I walk ten; some days I walk five. It’s always different.” He nodded as if that made sense, but I doubt he understood it at all. “I came by to see if you’d like to go over to Ryker’s with me. Guys decided to get Nash and force him to hang out tonight. Small party that will probably be moved to the field if too many people show up. But it’s a party, so who cares,” he finished with a smile that clearly stated he thought he was funny.
I didn’t think Nash wanted a party. Had they not all noticed he was suffering today? Did he look like a guy who wanted to be around a bunch of people who didn’t understand what he was going through? No. I would be surprised if Ryker could even get Nash to his house. Unless they picked him up and carried him. Force would be the only way. “Nash didn’t seem to be in the mood for a party today,” I pointed out. Asa shrugged. “Yeah. I know. But Ryker is like Nash’s brother. They’re closer than cousins. Always have been. If anyone can get Nash to socialize, it’s Ryker.” I wasn’t convinced of this. But the fat girl inside me who knew what it was like to be alone, who knew what it was like to feel as if you don’t fit in. As if no one understands you. That girl nodded her head. “Okay. Can I get a quick shower?” Asa beamed as if I was doing this to be with him. I guess in his eyes this was a date. I hadn’t thought of it that way. I’d never been on a date. I didn’t want to start tonight. I was going because, whether he realized it or not, Nash Lee was going to need me. I was the only person who understood him, who saw past what they believed he was feeling and got to the core. Maybe he didn’t deserve my help because of his laughing at the idea of me in a swimsuit. But then maybe he did. He was nice to me for years when no one else was. I couldn’t forget that. “Sure. I can wait,” he r eplied. “My mom is going to want to feed you. If you like baked goods, then you’re in luck. She’s been on Pinterest this past month trying out every bread, pie, cake, and cookie she can
find. We never eat them, so she takes them to work. But she’ll love having someone she can feed.” Asa seemed excited about that. “I’m starved.” “Then you’ll love each other,” I told him. I led him to the front door, then opened it, and sure enough the smell of something fattening and sweet met my nose. “She’s already at it. I think this is how she handles work stress.” Asa chuckled. “Seems like a good way to handle stress. Wish this was what my momma did. Instead she watches a lot of sappy shit on television and drinks too much wine.” “Talli! You’re home! Come tell me all about your day. I’ve been waiting for hours. What did you do, walk a marathon? You should have known I would be here anxious to hear all about it. I’ve made enough cinnamon sugar muffins to feed the entire building tomorrow. Not just my office.” My mother stopped talking when she st epped around the corner with her pink apron on, and the smile on her face froze, then grew instantly as she spotted Asa behind me. “Momma this is Asa Griffith. I’m going to get a shower and go with him to a party at Ryker Lee’s house. In the meantime can you feed him? He’s starving.” Mom’s eyes went wide. She had expected my day to be much different from the past. But I was sure she hadn’t been pr epared for this. “Of course, I’ve got several things to choose from. Or you can taste it all,” she told him. I glanced back at him and smiled. “I’ll be quick.” He shrugged. “No hurry. That kitchen smells like heaven. Whoa... are those clouds painted on your ceiling?”
“Yes they are. Come see the kitchen ceiling. It’s even better. My favorite,” mom r eplied with pride. They would get along just fine. Mom could feed him and show him her painted ceilings.