Mommy’s mad.
She emptying out my closet.
The pile of clothes is big.
She’s moving so fast.
Daddo is saying they believe me. Actually, he says, It’s not that we don’t believe you, Bela... I don’t want any talk
about believing or not believing, Mommy says.
We’re emptying this closet and that is all. This whole house needs to be cleaned. Needs to start over.
She throws more clothes on the pile.
It’s almost empty now, Bela, Mommy says. See? Nothing. No nest.
And nothing will go back in here until whatever phase you’re in ends.
Where do I— You are not to use this closet anymore. Understand?
Daddo’s phone rings. He says it’s his work. He st eps out into the hall.
All my stuff is in a pile on the floor. Now Mommy’s taking stuff out of the bathroom. She ke eps saying,
See? Nowhere for anything to hide. See?
I look into the empty closet. It looks small to me. How come it felt like there was no end to it before?
Mommy comes to me. She gets on her knees on the floor. She pulls old toys out from under my bed.
See? Nowhere for anything to hide. See? And you’re sle eping with your door open until I say otherwise.
Why?
Because.
Because why?
Because I said so, Bela.
I look to the closet. It’s just a small, empty space now.
I look to Daddo in the hall on the phone.
Mommy stands up beside the bed.
You need to nap now, she says.
Why?
Because you’re all worked up. And because you need rest, water, and... She goes to the window and opens it.
... Air.
Then she’s at the door and she turns off the light and leaves my bedroom and Daddo and her disappear up the hall.
But I can still hear them.
And I see the pile of clothes on the floor outside the closet.
And I hear the wind outside.
And I wonder if the pile of clothes is big enough to hide someone.
A T-shirt moves a little bit. From the wind coming in the window. And I’m alone in my bedroom and Mommy is
mad and the wind almost sounds like a voice, a voice that ke eps asking, Can I go inside your heart?
But Mommy’s right. I am “worked up.” And I’m tired.
And I lie down and hear the wind blowing into my bedroom.
And the closet is just a small empty space.
I close my eyes and I don’t care about the question right now.
Mommy’s mad.
And maybe that’s good.
Maybe I’m not alone anymore with this if Mommy’s mad.
But the wind ke eps blowing. Even as I fall asle ep. Like a whisper coming into my bedroom. And Mommy and
Daddo creak up and down the hall.
And they whisper, too, about me, about my bedroom, about the closet.
I almost get up and look at it again. Because it looked so different without anything in it.
Without anyone standing between my hanging clothes.
Watching me.
All the time.
Watching me... ... sle ep... I’m tired.
Really tired.
And so... ... I sle ep...