How you doing, Bela? Daddo sits next to me on the couch. Dan and Amanda are upstairs in their bedroom now. Mommy is outside. On her phone I think. I don’t know, I tell him. Are you scared? Yeah. Yeah. I get it. When I was your age, if the TV was on late at night and nobody was in the room, I got scared. I can’t imagine how you’re feeling. That said... I know he’s going to try to make me feel better. I hope he does. ... you have nothing to be afraid of. I understand this all sounds truly crazy. But you know what? It’s the year 2024 and there isn’t any proof of ghosts yet. You see what I mean? Ghosts? Daddo looks at me like I should get what he means. Can I ask you a question? Daddo says. Yeah. What do you think... it is? I don’t like this question. A mean person, I say. Why mean? Why do you say that? Because she tricks me. How so? I don’t know. Maybe I’m wrong. About? You don’t trick me. No, I don’t. Mommy doesn’t either. You don’t trick me ever. No. Never would. How does she trick you? She pretends to be my friend, I think. How does she do that? She was funny with me. Made me laugh. Daddo looks even more worried. What did she say? Now she only says I should carnation her.
You mean reincarnation again? Yeah, that. What does that mean? In this case, what does that mean? He’s really asking himself. Are you saying she’s asking you to... reincarnate her? I don’t know. He breathes de ep like he does when he’s thinking seriously. You think she’s a ghost? I ask. I probably shouldn’t have said the word. I imagine your mom would tell me I shouldn’t say stuff like that right now. Why not? Well, because it’s scary. And you’re young. And the last thing I should do is scare you any more than you already are. Okay. Are you scared? Yeah. Are you, Daddo? Daddo looks to the living room entrance. He’s thinking. No, he says. Just a little shook up. There’s a difference. Actually... He leans back into the couch. ... there’s a lot of differences with emotions, so many emotions, but we sometimes mistakenly call them all by the same name. Check it out: scared is for the... unknown. Like you aren’t sure how things will work out, so you feel scared about it. But panicked kinda implies you know how it could end and you’re in a hurry to change that. Startled is temporary. It fades pretty fast. So is shook. Only it lasts a little longer than startled. Yet, we use the same word... scared... for all these things. You are scared to take the math test. You are scared to sle ep with the lights off. You are scared to board that train. But you see what I mean? Those are all very different scenarios that ask for very different emotions. I think sometimes we think we’re scared of something just because we said we are. When really... we’re something else... something a little different than scared... and we just don’t have the words handy to name it. So maybe I’m not scared? I ask him. Maybe. And maybe I’m not. And maybe Mommy’s not either. And maybe nobody’s truly scared of anything in the whole world. Here, check this out. Daddo sits up a little bit. You remember when that teacher Mr. Jeffery gave you a bad grade for that book r eport you did? Yeah. Did that make you feel mad? Yeah. And what else makes you feel mad? When people are unhappy.
I wasn’t expecting that answer. That’s a good one. So okay, what else? I don’t know. Give me one more. I get mad when other kids treat other kids bad. Perfect. So, if you really think about it... the feeling you had when you got that bad grade... and it was silly and I agreed with you then and I agree with you now... but that feeling, was it the same feeling you get when you see a kid treat another kid bad? No. Right. But a second ago both made you “mad.” You see? They don’t actually make you feel the same thing. And there are so many emotions and you’re so young. Believe me, it’s not easy sorting this stuff out at any age. Daddo puts his arm around me and snuggles me closer to him on the couch. We’re facing the TV. It’s off now. But I don’t know, Daddo says. Maybe you have it easier. In a way. Because feelings must be like solid colors to you. Whereas, eventually, they can all turn kinda this sludgy singular color that rolls around like in a washing machine. He looks down at me. I have no idea what I’m talking about. Did you know that? I smile. Did you hear that? he says. Daddo stands up right when the light goes on in the other room. Dan is there. Hey guys, he says. Where’s Ursula? Out front, Daddo says. On the phone. Daddo meets Dan at the entrance to the living room. What’s the matter? Daddo says. I don’t know, Dan says. Why are you looking for Ursula? Because, man. Dan looks to me. He whispers to Daddo but I hear him: Because I thought I saw Ursula in our bedroom. I look to the ceiling. I look to the entrance of the living room. Then I’m off the couch and following them because I don’t want to sit here alone. Urs? Daddo calls when Dan opens the front door. I hear Mommy outside.
I look up the stairs behind me. Urs, who are you talking to? Daddo says. I see someone at the top of the stairs. I didn’t mean to interrupt her, Dan says. No, it’s fine, Daddo says. The light goes on up there and it’s Amanda in her pajamas. Bela? Is Dan down there? Never mind, Dan says to Daddo by the door. Dan? Amanda says. She’s coming down the stairs now. It was Marsha on the phone, Mommy says. Mommy is by the door. I see her in the porch light. Amanda is down the stairs. What’s going on? Amanda asks. Nothing, Dan says. I just got... I thought... They look at each other like they’re upset. Mommy and Daddo don’t see it, but I do. You can ke ep talking, Daddo says to Mommy. Dan was just checking on you. Dan breathes de ep and says, Hey, you two. Mommy and Daddo wait for him to say more. They stand in the porch light. We’re just, Dan says, we’re kinda... listen... we’re a little freaked out, okay? The baby and all. I’m sorry, Daddo says. I know. I know. But still... We think you should maybe stay somewhere else, Amanda says. O, come on, Mommy says. Don’t make us find somewhere else right now. Don’t make us do that. Amanda and Dan look to the floor. What about Marsha? Amanda asks. Come on. Hey, Urs, Daddo says. If we’re making them uncomfortable... No, Mommy says. This is bullshit, guys. She’s shaking again. Hey, language, Dan says. What’s bullshit, Ursula? Amanda says. You come over here with an absolutely insane story of an intruder in your house, you talk like it’s a demon, and you’re up all night all over the house! How do you expect us to react? You want me to make some cookies? Mommy looks even madder.
What’s a demon, Daddo? I ask. Yeah, Mommy says to Amanda. Cookies would be nice. You think we want to be here? Yeah, well, Dan says. Sounds like we’re in agreement then. Mommy and Daddo look at each other. Sure thing, Daddo says. I mean, yeah, we’re not going to outstay our welcome. You guys just freaked us out is all, Dan says. I was seeing things up there. And the baby... All right, Daddo says. But just, please, understand... whatever this is, being here in the middle of the night, hardly sle eping, we didn’t ask for this or plan this out or anything. Something’s happened and we’re just trying to make sense of it. We know, Dan says. Mommy calls someone. In front of us. We know, Dan says again. Yes, hi, Mommy says into the phone. We need to come over. Yes. Now. Amanda and Dan look to the floor again. Thanks, yes, Mommy says. Right now. She hangs up. We’re going to my mother’s house. Ursula, Dan says. But that’s it. He doesn’t say more. Amanda doesn’t either. Come on, Bela, Mommy says. She takes my hand and walks me out of the house and out toward the car. Daddo follows. Fuckin’ dicks, Mommy says. We’re at the car. She unlocks it and we get in. We don’t have any of our stuff. We didn’t bring any here. Please drive safe, Amanda says from the front door. She’s in her pajamas in the porch light and it’s really dark in the sky above their house. I’ll drive, Daddo says to Mommy. Mommy looks at me. We’re going to Grandma’s house. We’ll figure this out there. We’ll figure this out, Daddo says too. Daddo turns the car on and turns on the lights and Amanda and Dan are already inside again and their door is closed and Daddo pulls out of their driveway and drives up the street. What a bunch of crap, Mommy says.
Yeah, Daddo says. Gotta agree. That wasn’t great of them. I mean, how could they? Mommy asks. We would never do this to them. We wouldn’t, Daddo says. He turns onto another street. But I do also get it, he says. Don’t even start, Mommy says. I mean... You mean nothing, Mommy says. We had a very scary thing happen and we needed them to be our friends for one night and they couldn’t even break their prissy pattern for one night to do that. We shoulda known. We shoulda, Daddo says. He turns up another street and a deer is staring back at us in the headlights and Daddo slams on the brakes and we all cry out and the deer slowly walks away and we’re just sitting there parked in the middle of the street, breathing hard. Well, holy shit, Daddo says. He looks back at me and smiles. Then Mommy looks back at me too. And then they look at each other and they laugh. And I laugh. And we’re all laughing, parked in the middle of the street, breathing really hard. To Grandmother’s house we go, Daddo says. And then he starts driving again and then stops right away because another deer crosses the street. We’re not laughing anymore. Mommy and Daddo both breathe heavy and Daddo starts driving again. Up the street. Through the dark. To Grandmother’s house we go.