Daddo’s shaving.
Me and Mommy are in the bathroom too.
After this, Mommy says, we’ll get dressed up. Clean clothes anyway.
Daddo’s face is half done now.
And we’ll shower first, Mommy says. Yes.
It feels good to take care of ourselves, Daddo says.
They sound a little crazy.
He’s almost done now. Me and Mommy watch his face get clean.
It’s daytime. The house is bright with the sun.
It’s been a minute since we cared about us, Mommy says.
Y ep, Daddo says. Just that.
Then he’s done and he turns on the faucet and washes his face and when he looks in the mirror he looks like
Daddo again.
Are we going somewhere? I say.
They’re acting like we are.
No, Daddo says.
Nope, Mommy says. We’re caring about ourselves. That’s it.
Just that, Daddo says.
But it’s like they’re getting ready to go out.
Sometimes you need to feel good about yourself, Daddo says. In order to do certain things.
Don’t you always feel good? I ask.
No, Mommy says.
It’s more complicated than that, Daddo says.
He reaches back and takes Mommy’s hand.
Let’s head upstairs, Daddo says. Shower. Get some good clothes.
Hey, Bela, Mommy says. We’re going upstairs now. Okay?
Absolutely no wandering up there. Zero. None. We’re going to shower.
Daddo first, then you and me. We’ll all be in the bathroom and we will not leave each other’s sight. Understood?
Yeah.
The dogs watch us pass. They watch us go upstairs.
Nothing too constricting, Mommy says to Daddo. No dress shirts.
Already thought of that, Daddo says.
We go into their bedroom and Mommy turns on all the lights.
She goes to the closet and pulls some clothes aside and I close my eyes.
But nobody’s in there.
Here, Mommy says.
She puts a shirt on the bed for Daddo.
We all go into the bathroom and Daddo turns the water on.
Mommy takes my hand and we stand near the sink and she says, How you dress can actually change how you feel.
Like when you want to wear those certain clothes for the party.
She opens the drawer and takes out small scissors and starts to cut the ends of her hair.
She looks back to Daddo in the shower to be sure he’s okay.
Here, she says.
She cuts my hair a little bit too.
Listen to me, Bela, she says. No matter what happens in the coming days, or even today, you’re going to have to
steer clear of it.
What do you mean?
It means Mommy and Daddo may need to take action. And if we do, you don’t.
I think I understand.
When?
I don’t know, Mommy says.
I’m good, Daddo says.
He’s out of the shower and he’s drying off with a towel and Mommy cuts my hair a little more.
You look nice, Daddo says to Mommy.
She takes off her clothes and then takes off mine and we both go into the shower.
The water is warm.
I clean up well, Daddo calls to us.
He looks like Daddo again.
It’s incredible, he says. Given all this... we’re still us.
We shower as Daddo cuts his hair by the sink.
When we’re done, Mommy turns off the water.
Daddo hands us towels.
All right. Let’s get dressed. Bela?
Yeah.
What do you want to wear?
I wanna wear my party clothes.
Mommy and Daddo look at each other.
Those clothes are in your bedroom? Daddo says.
Yeah.
All right, Daddo says. Then we get them together.
I see knives on the bed.
I’m so close to being me again, Mommy says as she looks in the mirror. I can practically see her.
We leave the bathroom and Daddo puts on his salmon shirt and nice pants and Mommy gets dressed in a green
blouse and her brown pants and then she checks her hair again in the closet-door mirror.
You look great, Daddo says.
So do you.
Ready?
We hold hands as we cross the hall and go to my bedroom.
The closet is wide open and empty. My clothes are still in piles.
Mommy finds my party clothes and hands them to me.
I get dressed.
What do we do now? I ask.
I realize Mommy and Daddo are both holding knives.
Come on, Daddo says. Bela, you walk in the middle. Between us.
Okay.
We leave my bedroom. The dogs are at the bottom of the stairs looking up at us.
Mommy goes first and then I go and then Daddo goes and Daddo is looking behind us the whole way down.
When we get to the bottom, Mommy says, This is our house.
Yes it is, Daddo says.
This is our child.
Yes it is, Daddo says.
This is our fight.