Tallulah It was Wednesday when Brett texted me the first time. I’d been in my house since I got home Monday. Figuring out the virtual school process. It had k ept me busy, and I had only thought about it all when I lay down at night. When my room was quiet and I was alone. I cried then. Quietly, so my mother wouldn’t hear. I didn’t want her worrying any more than she already did. She wanted a normal high school experience for me. I wasn’t going to have that. After my brief dip into it, I decided I didn’t want it. Graduation and college were my future. They’d be different. I’d go somewhere far away from this place. Brett’s text said, Dinner Friday night and a movie? I read it three times before thinking it over. This was a date. I’d tried that already. It hadn’t ended well. I didn’t want to get hurt again. But then what were the chances of that? Brett was nice, but he wasn’t Nash. I didn’t feel giddy when he was near me. He didn’t make my heart race, and I had no thoughts of him unless I was speaking to him. It wasn’t possible to get hurt by him. He didn’t have a piece of me. I didn’t respond, though. I was too busy holding the phone, thinking it through. Then he sent another text as I stared down at it. They made an announcement today. Haswell said that Dace admitted to making advances to you. That you did nothing wrong and were taken advantage of. Those talking about you and accusing you will stop. If it is brought to his
attention, the student doing so will be suspended. He went on to talk about the no bullying code. Once he was done, all the talk was about how they didn’t think you were like that anyway. I read the text several times. I even wondered if I had read it incorrectly. Or if this was a dream. Another text lit up my screen. It was Nash. Are you home? We need to talk. That text was like a jab directly in my chest. Nash was texting me. He’d heard the announcement and was now wanting to talk. He’d hurt me. Pushed me away for no reason. Then, when I needed him the most, he abandoned me. Left me alone to face it all by myself. I r eplied to Nash’s text: No thanks. Then I turned my phone off. I didn’t want to read any more. I wasn’t ready to date Brett, either. That one text from Nash had ripped me open again. Made me bleed. I curled into a ball and focused on long, de ep breaths. That lasted all of five seconds, and then the tears came. Crying didn’t make it go away. It didn’t fix the past, but it was all I could do. A knock on my bedroom door right before my mother opened it wasn’t enough of a warning to dry my tears and clean up my face. Instead, she found me there, falling apart. I didn’t want her to worry. I didn’t want her to know how much I was hurting. But she’d caught me. I turned over to look at her, and the tears came harder. My body shook with each sob, and I couldn’t make it stop if I’d wanted to.
My mother’s arms were around me immediately as she lay down beside me on the bed. She didn’t ask me why I was crying or try to make me stop. She just held me tightly in her arms while I got it all out. The pain I’d been hiding. I had wanted to fit in and be a part of something. To have friends. To have Nash. But now all that seemed stupid to me. It hadn’t brought me anything but heartache. I had been fine the way I was before. I’m not sure how long I cried or how long we lay there after the sobs slowed to small sniffles. But when I finally calmed down, it did feel better. My chest was lighter. The pain wasn’t gone, but crying had released something. I don’t know— maybe I’d been trying to be tough for so long I just needed to be weak for once. Let it go. Not put so much pressure on myself. My mom kissed my forehead. “This has been awful, but it will soon pass. I promise it isn’t forever. High school isn’t the end. It’s just a st epping stone. You’ve learned a lot about life these past few years. College will be easier on you because you didn’t live a fantasy in high school. The best is yet to come for you, sweetheart.” I know she believed everything she said. I wanted to believe her, but I was scared to believe in anything now. It was my senior year, and I was finishing it with homeschool. I would get to graduate like the others, but they’d all go to parties and on trips together. They’d have memories to share, and they’d make promises to be friends forever. All the stuff I’d read in books and seen in movies. But me, no one would have a memory with me. I wouldn’t have a party or be invited to one. I’d simply walk, get my
diploma, and this would be over. “I got a call from Officer Mike. He wants to know if we want to press charges. He said that Mr. Dace confessed to it all. Which we already knew. I don’t want to make this decision for you. I want it to be yours. I will stand behind whatever you want to do.” I didn’t much care about what happened to Mr. Dace. But I did care about his daughter. She’d lost a father in this. Her family would be broken now. Her father would be labeled something she wouldn’t understand. She was just a baby. It seemed so unfair. “No. It’s over. Let it go.” Mom nodded. “I figured you’d say that. But I am going to file a restraining order for your protection. If his wife thinks he could try to come see you, then I think it is wise.” I shrugged. I didn’t think I’d see Mr. Dace again. But if it made her feel better, then that was okay with me. “Do you think his daughter will be okay? I mean, she had a dad, and now she’s losing him. I think it would be easier to have never had one at all.” My mom squeezed me tightly. “I don’t think she had a very good father. He wasn’t thinking about her when he made the decisions he did. In her case it is better to have him out of her life now rather than later. He needs help.” I hoped she was right. “Are they going to leave town? Charlotte and her daughter?” “I don’t know. She didn’t say,” Mom r eplied. “I think starting a new life away from the memories of her father would be easier.”
Mom nodded. “You’re probably right.” We lay there silently, both staring at the ceiling for several minutes. My thoughts were on Mr. Dace’s little girl and wife. Where they would go and how their life would be now. I realized that, yes, my world had been changed with his choices, but theirs had been destroyed. They’d have to build again. It was like Momma always told me. Somewhere someone else is having a worse day than you. Be thankful for what you have. I had a mother who loved me. A home with oddly painted ceilings, that always smelled like a bakery. I was healthy. I would go to college next year. My life wasn’t so bad. I would be okay.