Nash Tonight would be my first night on the field coaching. I’d been to every practice this week. I’d worked out with the team. This all should have made me feel good. Hell, I should have been excited. Ready for this. But there was Tallulah. And I couldn’t think about anything else. She wasn’t responding to my texts. After her first “no thanks” she’d been silent. I checked my phone again, hoping my last text I had finally sent this morning would get a response. So far nothing. Telling her in a text message that I’d seen her kiss Dace the day of the accident wasn’t what I wanted to do, but when I called her phone, it went directly to voice mail. She wasn’t talking to me. She’d cut herself off completely. Brett had been talking to Hannah in the hallway earlier this morning, which made me think she’d stopped talking to him, too. I didn’t want to think of Tallulah alone, closed off from life. She had so much to give. She was fun and kind. She was smart, and she wanted to be social. She’d finally had her chance to get that this year, and so quickly it had been shut down. But that fucking kiss. I needed to hear her explanation of it. No matter what Dace had confessed to, I saw her kiss him. I was there. That didn’t change. “You good?” Asa asked, stopping beside my locker. “Yeah, why?” I r eplied, taking out my notebook and closing the door.
“Oh, I don’t know. Because you were standing here staring blankly into your locker like you were a million miles away?” “I was just thinking.” He laughed “Yeah, I gathered that much.” Glancing at the hallway full of people hurrying to their classes, I suddenly felt more out of place than ever. No amount of football made that better. It wasn’t making me happy. One thing had made me happy since my accident. Tallulah. Since that fucking kiss I’d been miserable. I didn’t want to feel this way. I was tired of it... and I missed her. I missed her so damn much. She didn’t want to talk to me. She didn’t care about explaining the kiss I saw. She was shutting me out. Done. Which scared me because I couldn’t let her go. “I love her,” I said the words aloud. Admitted them to myself and Asa. I had to tell someone. Come clean. Stop pretending she had hurt me and I was done. Because no matter how badly she’d broken me, I still loved her. “No shit,” Asa r eplied, amused. I turned my head to look at him. “What?” He shrugged. “You said you loved her. I said no shit. That’s been obvious since the beginning. It’s why I backed off. I liked her. She’s smoking hot. But I didn’t feel the way you obviously did. There was a look in your eyes that said it was more to you. She was more to you.”
“Really?” I asked, amazed that Asa had noticed all this and it had taken me this long to admit it to myself. “Yeah, man. Really. My question is why did you turn on her?” “Because I thought she’d lied to me.” Asa nodded. “Had she?” I didn’t know. Not really. “I’m not sure.” Asa frowned. “You’re not sure?” His tone sounded like I was an idiot. “Yeah, I’m not sure.” With a shake of his head he nodded toward the door. “Then you should go find out. You’re miserable. She left school. Why are you just letting it continue to fall apart? Soon you’ll be past the point of no return, and she will be your past.” I didn’t want her to be my past. That wasn’t even acc eptable. We had just begun. Dace had screwed with it. But I missed her. The nightmares that still haunted me at night. Haegan’s lifeless face there in my dreams. I had no one to talk to about them. I didn’t want to talk to anyone else. Just her. She’d listen. She’d be there. She was who I wanted. “I gotta go,” I told him, and headed for the exit. “That’s my boy!” he called out just before I shoved the door open and broke into a run—or the best I could do with my limp. The anxiety began to mount as the fear that I’d waited too long built. She might not be able to forgive me. The kiss I’d seen now seemed pointless compared to never seeing Tallulah again.
Never sitting with her and watching her smile. Never holding her against me. Never feeling her hand firmly in mine. Her parking spot remained empty, and I hated seeing that. I hadn’t realized how I d epended on seeing her car there every day until it was gone. I drove faster than I had in a while. I didn’t speed because I wanted to make it there alive. That fear was never going to go away. When I arrived at her house, I pulled into the driveway behind her car. I didn’t know just yet what I was going to say or if I could even get her to open her door. But I had to try. If she didn’t come to the door, I’d find another way. But I wasn’t leaving here until we’d talked. Until I’d seen her. Until I told her I loved her. I rang the doorbell and waited. No answer. I knocked. Waited. Nothing. I tried the doorbell again. I pulled my phone out and called her. Got her voice mail immediately. This went on for a good five minutes. Finally I had to come up with another plan. She knew I was out here. She could see my Escalade from any window in her house. St epping back, I looked up at her bedroom window and saw the curtain move a little. She was watching. She was here. I tried the doorbell again. Then I st epped back farther, cupped my hands around my mouth, and shouted, “PLEASE, TALLULAH! TALK TO ME! I’M NOT LEAVING UNTIL YOU DO!” No movement. I waited and looked at the door to see if she’d decided to come on down. But after plenty of time, nothing happened. I was going in. I tried the door and it was locked. So I started working my way around the house, trying each window. Each one was firmly shut and locked.
What was wrong with these people? Did they never open their windows? It took five windows with no luck before I made it around to the back of her house. The back porch was painted like a blue sky with a rainbow across it. Smiling, I shook my head. Her mom was an interesting person. I went onto the porch and tried the door not expecting it to open... when it did. I paused and slowly pushed it open. Glancing around, I saw I was in the kitchen. Chocolate chip cookies were on a plate beside the oven. A red cake was displayed on a stand in the middle of the table. And it smelled like heaven in here. I closed the door quietly behind me. There was a slight chance—okay a good chance—that Tallulah would call the cops on me. I honestly didn’t give a shit. I needed to talk to her. Maybe I could say all I needed before they showed up to cuff me and book me. I tried to walk as softly as I could. As soon as she knew I was in her house, my time would begin ticking. I was almost to the bottom of the stairs when she rounded the corner, then screamed as her eyes went wide. Her scream died quickly as she realized it was me standing in her house. She covered her mouth, her eyes wide as she stared at me as if I were insane. Maybe I was. I felt like it. I’d never been desperate enough to break into someone’s house. “I need to say something. Please listen to me,” I started. Tallulah had regained her composure and pointed to the front door. “Get out!” “Just let me—” “GET OUT!”
“Tallulah, please, just—” “I SAID TO GET OUT!” “Did you get my last text?” “GET OUT!” “I sent it this morning—” “GET OUT!” She made a move toward me now. Both her hands landed on my chest, and she shoved me backward. “I SAID TO GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!” I’d never seen her angry. Not like this. Her eyes wild with all kinds of emotions. The pain was there, though. She was hiding it the best she could, but I had looked into those eyes enough to know what I saw. “LEAVE.” She shoved me back again. This time harder. “MY HOUSE!” I let her push me. I stumbled back with each shove to my chest. She needed this. Her eyes began to turn glassy. I couldn’t take this anymore. I didn’t give a fuck if she’d kissed the teacher. It was forgiven. I was over it. I would never be able to get over losing her. “I love you,” I said simply, staring into her eyes, hoping she could see past her pain and anger. She pushed me again, but this time a sob es caped her. “No! You don’t!” I reached for her then. My hands gently wrapping around her arms. “Yes. I do. I love you. I miss you.” She started to shove me again and dropped her hands back down, then began to cry. Her shoulders shaking. My heart broke over and over again with each sound. I hated this. Moving in, I pulled her into my arms and held her as she cried. I had done this to her. Or I’d at least been a part of it. She’d needed me and I’d left her. Turned against her
like everyone else. “I don’t deserve your forgiveness. But I’m begging you for it. I love you, Tallulah. I was hurt, blindsided, and then I saw my friend die. It messed with me. I should have talked to you about it. Not shut you out.” She sniffled and tilted her head back to look at me. “What did I do that blindsided you?” I’d texted her. “My text?” She shook her head. “My phone has been off for almost a week.”