Tallulah I watched them. I tried not to, but it was hard to ignore. Nash was different, and Ryker seemed angry about it. When Nash stalked out of the cafeteria, I noticed it then. He was limping. I’d noticed something was wrong earlier, but I hadn’t realized it was so severe. I watched him until he was gone. Until the door swung closed behind him. Then I quickly turned my gaze away before Ryker caught me staring. Asa was busy getting his burger buried in toppings. He hadn’t noticed any of it. I wanted to ask. I was missing something. Two things were obvious. Nash was angry, and he was hurt. That much I had figured out. “You gonna eat?” Asa asked, finally glancing up from the burger he’d made into a mountain. “Yes, but we aren’t at the salad bar yet,” I r eplied. He’d held up the line working on his burger. He smirked. “Takes me a while to get this baby right. A burger is a masterpiece. A fucking work of art.” I glanced back to see Ryker still standing where Nash had left him. He was glaring toward the door as if he wasn’t sure what he was going to do next. Go after him or just let him go. “Nash isn’t handling it well,” Asa said. “Ryker’s worried about him.” I turned back to Asa. I’d been caught staring. Might as well not try and cover it up now. “What isn’t he handling well?” I asked.
Asa frowned. “His injury. He won’t play football again. Changed his life in one bad tackle.” He shook his head. “It’s not fair. I hate it for him.” The limp was more than a sprained ankle apparently. “It won’t heal?” I asked, thinking they sounded a bit more dramatic than it appeared. Nash was just limping. He’d get over that eventually. “He’s as healed as it’s going to get.” I started to ask exactly what had happened when Ryker st epped between us. “I can’t talk to him. You go,” he said to Asa. “I want to fucking knock some sense into him. He’s getting worse rather than better and that—” Ryker shot a disgusted look over at Blakely. “She isn’t helping. Heartless bitch.” I had never seen Ryker Lee angry. Much like Nash, he was always joking, smiling, and enjoying his life. This was all very different. The summer hadn’t just changed me. It had changed the Lee cousins too. “He needs time.” Asa sounded like he knew what he was talking about. Ryker sighed. “I wish Brady was here. He listened to Brady.” Brady Higgens had been the quarterback all-around good guy who was loved by one and all. But he’d graduated in the spring. I wasn’t sure what college he’d gone off to. I didn’t ke ep up with that kind of thing. Or anything for that matter. Since I didn’t even know Nash had been hurt, that was kind of obvious. My world outside of school was a small bubble. Me, my mom, my books, my house. Not much else. Although I knew my mother hoped that would all change for me this year. She was a social butterfly. My hermit life bothered her.
But then my mother was five foot five, 118 pounds, with a bubbly personality and a head full of blond curls. She was wildly creative and upbeat. Our oddly painted house was testimony to her personality. People loved her. She was hard not to love. I wasn’t my mother. Many times in life I had wished I was. “Just give him space. Today is hard. It’s like he had to face it all over again. He needs time to adjust.” Ryker finally sighed. His shoulders drooped, and he looked defeated. The obvious love and concern he had for his cousin was touching. For a moment I almost forgot that it was his cruel words that had caused this... this new me. That I had suffered cruelty from the one guy I never expected it from and that was all because of Ryker. Standing there, I reminded myself not to feel pity. Not to feel sympathy. Not to feel. Because he hadn’t felt that for me. He didn’t even know who I was or remember what he had said. I was that unimportant. My defenses were back up. My moment of weakness ended. I had a purpose. I would enjoy this year. I’d live it like I wouldn’t get another, because the truth was I wouldn’t. This was the last year of high school. I had me to worry about. Not an injured Nash Lee. So his girlfriend broke his heart. Well boohoo. He’d broken mine. I was sure he’d also broken dozens of hearts. Now he was just getting a dose of it himself. And poor little Ryker Lee. His world wasn’t perfect. He couldn’t enjoy himself because his cousin was sad. Guess he’ll figure out life ain’t roses after all.
I plastered a smile on my face. “Excuse me, I need to get my salad,” I said, and st epped around both of them. Walking away, I felt empowered. I wasn’t letting my softness win. I was tossing their troubles aside and going to enjoy my day. My year. Okay, so I felt like a bitch. But again, whose fault was that? Ugly words. Cruel words. Laughter at my expense. They hadn’t lost any sle ep over it. They forgot it even happened moments after it was said. While I was walking in the heat of the day and drinking a gallon of water daily and counting my calories, those words and that laughter haunted me. No. I wouldn’t feel sorry for Nash and his injury. So he didn’t get his college football career. Well, it could be worse. He had a brain still. He could do something else. And Ryker acting like he needed to be sheltered from the pain of disappointment. They both needed a dose of reality. Neither had experienced it until now. They should try going to PE and knowing it was the day everyone had to climb the rope. The PE teacher was going to stand there and watch everyone. Use a stopwatch to see how fast we could climb the rope. See who could get to the top. And know that I couldn’t move an inch up that rope. Everyone would see me hanging there, wishing I could climb even a little. The snickers from the others would make my cheeks red. I would start to sweat, and my stomach would feel sick. I’d wish to be anywhere but there. The PE teacher would tell me to try harder. I could do it. But I couldn’t. My arms would never be strong enough to pull my weight up that rope. So... I’d give up. Humiliated. Unable to look anyone in the eye. Giggles and whispers would grow louder. The teacher would tell the others to
stop. But it didn’t go away. I never forgot. That was my life. I had always been trying to climb that dang rope and never getting anywhere. Not once did Nash or Ryker worry about me. I fixed my salad. I got a cup of water. And I went outside. To a table to be alone. Because right now I wasn’t exactly happy with myself. Although I knew I was right. I just didn’t like the way right made me feel.