Nash I tossed my book bag onto my bed and glared at it like it had done something wrong. I was home on the first day of school at three fifteen in the afternoon. This was a first. I should be at the field house. Changing into my pads. Making bad jokes with my friends. Practicing in the heat until I vomited. That was what I was supposed to be doing. But I was here. In my living nightmare. With absolutely nothing to do. There was homework. Reading that was mandatory. Physical therapy in an hour. Bullshit, bullshit, and more bullshit. “Hey, baby.” My mother’s voice startled me. She was normally at work until five. I turned to see her standing at my door. Concern, pain, and a trace of hope in her eyes. She wanted me to be better. To find happiness with the way my life was now. “Why are you home?” I asked, already knowing the answer. My mother who never took off from work or left early was here because of me. “Oh, I took off early. Thought I could make you a chocolate cream pie before you go to therapy. Maybe talk about your day.” Her voice was cautious. She didn’t want to upset me. I’d been a pill to live with this summer. Since the accident at least. “Not hungry. My day sucked.” She had wanted to hear something else.
Something positive. I didn’t have anything positive to tell her, though. Not one damn thing. This was our reality. She needed to deal with it. “It’ll get better,” she said softly. She wanted it to get better. She hoped it would. My mother was an eternal optimist. I had been one too, once. But not anymore. “No. It won’t. I’m not going to run again. I’m going to walk with this limp. I’ll never play ball again. So no, Mom, it’s not going to get better. There is no light in my future.” Her shoulders dropped, her face sad. I hated that it was me making her feel this way. But I just didn’t have the energy to make her smile. She liked to be happy. I did too. But that wasn’t happening again. It was all gone. “You sure you don’t want some pie?” One thing about mom was you couldn’t completely knock her off course. She held on until the bitter end. As for me, she hadn’t let go yet. “Therapy is hard. It hurts, and if I eat pie before I go, I’ll vomit during therapy.” More reality. More truth. More of what she liked to pretend wasn’t happening. “Okay. Well I’ll make some for later. It can be a treat for after. I’ll be in the kitchen if you want to talk. I’m always here to listen.” “Thanks,” I managed to say. Simply because I hated hurting her. She started to leave but then stopped, came into the room, and hugged me tightly. “I love you. I won’t let you give up. I’m your momma. I will never ever give up on you. You’ve got a big future, Nash Lee. A huge one. This is just a stumbling block. It’ll make you tough, stronger, and more determined.”
I just nodded and hugged her back. She needed to believe it, and I let her. No reason to make her as miserable as me. When she finally let me go, she patted my cheek, as if I were five inches shorter than her rather than the five inches I towered over her. “Do your homework. Focus on your grades. You’ll do great things,” she said, then left the room, finally leaving me to my peace. If I could think like my mother, maybe I wouldn’t be so damn miserable. Today had been a slap in the face. From seeing the guys I’d played ball with laughing and cutting up like we always had, to seeing excitement in the halls for Friday night’s game, to seeing Blakely hugged up on Hunter—all of it reminded me I wasn’t Nash Lee anymore. I was just another face in the crowd. Someone others would rather whisper about, force a smile at, and move on along. That was what my day was like. That was what my mother needed to hear, but I couldn’t say that to her. She’d worry about it. Worry about me. She’d not get any sle
Ep I would have her hovering more than she already was. Ke eping all that inside was how I had to deal with it. I was standing at the window going over all this shit in my head when my dad’s truck pulled up outside. He should be at work until seven. But here he was, just like my mother, coming home early. To ask me questions I wasn’t going to answer. To give me another p ep talk. I wasn’t in the mood for this. Grabbing my car keys off the bed, I headed for the back door. Away from the kitchen. Away from the way my dad would enter the house. Once I was safely outside and I knew he’d entered the house, I hurried to my Escalade and left.
Dad would call me once he realized I’d left without saying anything. He’d bitch. I’d listen. Then it would be over. I still had forty-five minutes before I had to be at physical therapy. I had nowhere to go. Nothing to do. Dad had suggested I get a job. It was more than a suggestion. It was a demand. I could go put in some applications. That would at least give me somewhere to be other than the house every afternoon. Driving toward town, I saw her. Walking down the side of the street. I’d seen her today. She’d been impossible to miss. Tallulah Liddell had transformed over the summer. Even when we’d been kids, she’d struggled with her weight. Her sweet smile and kind heart, however, had shown brightly. It made her hard to overlook. Seeing her now, though, I could tell there was something missing. Pulling over, I rolled down my window. “Need a ride?” I asked, surprising myself. She paused and glanced at me. “No. I walk five miles every day. This is on purpose.” Oh. Well that explained the weight loss. “Impressive,” I r eplied. She frowned. Studied me a moment, then shook her head as if she was baffled by me. “Is it? The fat girl started exercising. That’s impressive to you?” Definite disgust in her tone. What the hell had I done to her? Far as I could recall, I’d been the only guy, or girl for that matter, who was nice to her. I didn’t ignore her. I had spoken to her often. She’d been so timid and shy, like she was hiding from the world. But I wouldn’t let her. I made sure she knew I saw her.
“Got a chip on your thin shoulders?” I asked, annoyed. I wasn’t in the mood for this. Why had I even stopped? She jerked her head back in my direction. Anger flashing in her startling, attractive blue eyes. “Yes. I do. But then that’s why I walk. Why I started.” With that response she walked on, leaving me behind. Parked there on the side of the street like I’d done something to her. Jesus, what was her deal? She was thin, beautiful, and every guy at school had been drooling over her today. Wasn’t that all she wanted? Why she’d walked herself thin? At least she wasn’t fucking limping around getting sympathy looks. I started to drive off and changed my mind. I turned off the engine and got out. I needed a confrontation. I had enough anger in me to take on Tallulah Liddell and her issues. With the slamming of my car door, she stopped and looked back at me. I had her attention now. “What the fuck is wrong with you? Did losing weight turn you into a bitch? If that’s your problem, then go eat a box of cookies. You were a helluva lot nicer when you ate. Being thin and wearing short skirts doesn’t give you the right to be rude.” As I yelled at her, I wondered why I was doing this. What was the point? I didn’t care how Tallulah acted. I had bigger problems in my life. She took a st ep toward me. Her eyes were flashing with fury now. Well past anger. “No, Nash Lee, losing weight didn’t turn me into a bitch. You did.”