Second Chances in New Port Stephen free digital audiobook - Chapter 9

[adminnovelsaudio]

Listen Audiobook Version:



Second Chances in New Port Stephen
CHAPTER 9


Nick pulled into the sandy parking spot and switched off his headlights. Without the noise of the engine, he could hear the warble of crickets deep in the sea-grape bushes. Eli sat in the passenger seat, as motionless and silent as he’d been when Nick had picked him up. When he’d asked Eli, “Where to?” he’d gotten a grunted “Anywhere.” So here they were. Back at the beach they’d visited the day before. Their beach. Or formerly their beach.


It wasn’t the worst place to spend a night off work. Better than sitting on his couch, zoning out like Nick was wont to do when he had no other plans.


“Do you want to go someplace else instead?” Nick finally asked when it became clear Eli was not going to move on his own.


Eli blinked, his thousand-yard stare dissipating as he turned to Nick. “Huh?” His head swiveled around as he took in the thick dark of their surroundings. There wasn’t much to see; they were the lone car in the otherwise empty lot. “No, no, this is fine.”


They picked their way down the wooden boardwalk that led to the beach. Eli fished his phone out of his pocket and turned on its flashlight so they could see where they were going in the dark.


“You’d think they’d have some lights out here,” he grumbled.


“Turtles,” Nick said, a quiet reminder.


“Oh, right.” Eli’s brow furrowed in the shaky light of his phone. “They get all turned around, don’t they? When they hatch.”


“Yeah, disoriented. I think they’re supposed to aim for the moon? But if there’s a bright light, they end up going that way instead.” He carefully started


down the stairs that led to the sand. No shoes piled up at the bottom at this hour; they had the beach to themselves.


Eli clattered down behind him. “Wait, that can’t be right. The moon moves.”


“Oh yeah. I forgot that part.” He expected some truly epic ribbing at his expense, but Eli just kicked off his sandals and dug his toes in the sand.


He clicked off his phone’s flashlight, leaving them in murky blackness for a moment until their eyes adjusted. Nick looked up at the stars overhead, then out to the condos in the distance, windows lit here and there in rows. The waves shushed back and forth down at the waterline.


Pretty peaceful.


Eli sighed out a huge gust of breath. “I made my mom cry,” he said, and started walking down the beach.


Nick lost some time untying his shoes and placing them on the last stair, but soon followed. His legs were longer, so it didn’t take much time for him to catch up.


“Want to tell me about it?” he asked once he was at Eli’s side.


“Not really.” Eli laughed to himself. “It was a really pointless argument. Embarrassing, actually.”


“Okay.” As they trudged across the sand, Nick thought of a million things he could say to keep the conversation going.


It must be hard being back here after all these years. Family is tough.


I watched you bomb at the fifth-grade talent show when you tried to sing in front of a cafeteria full of ten-year-olds; there is nothing you could tell me that would be more embarrassing than that.


But he didn’t say anything. He just hoped he’d appear to be a good, trustworthy listener if Eli decided to talk.


It did not take long.


They hadn’t gone more than ten yards before Eli exploded. “Do you ever get the feeling like your dad misses the kid you used to be? Like, he would rather have that kid back than deal with adult-you? Or is that just me?”


Nick considered his answer. He and his father had always been close. When Nick had been plucking up the courage to ask Eli on their first date as teens—his


stomach turning itself inside out at the thought of ruining his longest friendship on the off chance his feelings were returned—his dad had been the one he went to for advice. (“Be honest. Try not to faint.”) His dad was the one who helped him pick out his clothes and style his hair before he and Eli went to the movies on their first real date. (“Any more gel and you’re going to crackle in a stiff breeze.”) And his dad had been the one to gently explain to his mom that using up an entire disposable camera to take photos of Nick and Eli was probably overkill, and she should let them get going before they missed the trailers.


“Why?” Nick asked. “Did your folks say something like that to you?”


“Not exactly. It was more like a… gesture. Maybe I took it the wrong way.” Eli kicked at a seashell, sending it careening into the ocean.


Nick watched it go. “I get it. My dad has this image of me in his head, you know? Like, he hardly ever updates his mental Rolodex. I’m not sixteen anymore, but I dent the bumper of his car one time, and to this day, he says, ‘Oh, Nick, don’t drive at night. That’s when you had your accident.’ ” He mimicked his father’s nasally voice, his familiar accent. It wasn’t a mean impression, but it was pretty spot-on, if he did say so himself.


It got a laugh out of Eli, at least. “Oh my god, I remember that! Wait, wasn’t I the one driving?” He whipped his head toward Nick with his mouth hanging open. “Holy shit, I was. I backed into that cart in the Walmart parking lot and you took the fall for me.”


“Well, you were still trying to get your license.” The memories came flooding back to Nick: Blink-182 on the radio, the vast emptiness of the parking lot after midnight, Eli nervous and sweaty in the driver’s seat as Nick tried to talk him through the finer points of parallel parking. The sickening smack as the car backed up a tiny bit too much. “You failed that test, like, four times.”


“It was a bad test! Who the fuck needs to parallel park in Florida? There’s no street parking unless you go down to Miami, and even then—” Eli stopped, coming to a halt in the middle of a nest of dried seaweed. “Hold on. Your dad still thinks it was you that dinged the bumper?”


“Of course he still thinks it was me. I’m not a narc.”


Eli threw his head back and laughed long and loud. A clutch of ibises took flight, startled from their perch in the bushes. Nick could see the long curve of


their beaks against the starry sky.


“I can’t believe you never told him! And he’s still dragging you for it? Dude, I would have blown up at him years ago, like, ‘I’m not the bad driver! It was the kid down the street who couldn’t fucking drive!’ ”


“There’s still time. Think I should?” Nick said. He could feel the corner of his mouth twitching, on the verge of busting up too.


“Oh, absolutely. Maybe save it for his birthday.” Eli smiled and turned his head to look out over the dark water. Nick could see his profile picked out against the sky. Now that his eyes were used to the dark, there seemed to be plenty of light to make out his expression as it softened to something more thoughtful. “Hey, thanks for bringing me out here. I needed a break.”


“Anytime,” Nick said, and meant it.


It gave him pause, the shock of how much he meant it. If Laurie were there, she’d be wondering aloud how funny it was that Nick was making himself so readily available to Eli when, historically, he wasn’t that reliable with anyone else, himself included.


Nick was very glad Laurie wasn’t there.


By unspoken agreement, they started heading back down the beach, their pace slow, almost matching the lull of the waves. Eli had his hands in the pockets of his shorts. Nick, who was wearing jeans in deference to the low-seventies evening temperatures, was shivering just looking at him.


He was content to let the conversation lie where they’d left it, but after a few minutes of silent trudging, Eli spoke again. “We were putting up the tree. There were all these ornaments with my baby pictures.” The whole story spilled out: how he felt detached from the person in the old photographs, his parents’ fawning, the way Eli couldn’t shake the idea that the current version of him was, on some level, not living up to their expectations.


“But you’re a model son,” Nick protested. “Trust me, I would know. The way you left for the city? Got a big, important job?”


Eli looked paler than usual in the moonlight. “Yeah. About that.” He bit his lip. “I’m not exactly employed at the moment.”


“Oh?” That was a surprise. But then again, Nick didn’t know much about the television industry. “So, like, you’re in between projects?”


A bitter laugh huffed out of Eli. “ ‘Between’ implies there’s something new coming down the pike, and if I’m honest? This might be the end of the road for the ol’ writing career.” He glanced at Nick and shrugged, his face an arrangement of discomfort. “The last show I worked on—the lead harassed a bunch of women on set. Totally disgusting. The show got canceled, which, fine, didn’t want to write that dickhead any more jokes anyway. But I’m having a hard time getting a new gig. Or even having someone return my calls.”


“Shit,” Nick said with feeling. “But I thought you said you were working on your friend’s new show—the queer ensemble thing?”


Eli sighed. “I mean, I gave Margo a hand with a few little things, but if she doesn’t sell it, I won’t see any money for that work. Honestly, I’m not going to hold my breath. Friends of Dorothy is a long shot.”


“Didn’t you say it was really good?”


“It is, absolutely. Margo’s a genius. But that doesn’t necessarily mean anything, not in this industry.” Eli shrugged. “Now I’m not sure what’s next. I might need to move back here for a while, come up with a plan. Get back to my stand-up roots somehow.”


“Did you enjoy that?” he asked. “The stand-up?” He wondered if any of Eli’s performances could be found online. Maybe he could look it up tonight.


Eli made a so-so gesture with his hand. “I liked parts of it. Feels like a step backward, though.”


Nick knew a little bit of how Eli might be feeling. When Nick finished college and moved back home to start working at the Manatee, his parents had been… not unkind, but definitely confused. His mom had asked repeatedly, “Is this really what you want to do?”


“What do your folks think?” he asked.


Eli looked downright ill. “I… haven’t told them. They think I’m still working, actually.”


Nick tried not to let his surprise show, but apparently that was impossible. Eli knew him too well.


“Yep, that’s me,” Eli said. “Winner of the Worst Son of the Year award for not only hiding my employment status but also for making my mom cry over


fucking Christmas ornaments. Also terrified of having to come back here, no offense.”


“None taken. I get how it would feel like a downgrade.” Nick shrugged. “I didn’t have the easiest time when I decided to put down roots here, and I didn’t have to worry about the governor trying to legislate what I could wear on school campuses.”


A look of grateful relief took over Eli’s face. “Exactly.” He blew out a breath. “Wow. Did not mean to get this deep.” He laughed, but it was strained. Then he turned toward the water. “Want to go swimming?”


Nick stopped in his tracks. “What?”


Eli was already stripping his shirt over his head. “Come on. Shit’s too heavy; I need to do something silly to balance it out.”


“Why night swimming?”


“Why not? We used to when we were younger.” He flashed a smile, all teeth.


They’d done it exactly twice, by Nick’s recollection: once before they started dating, right after Eli finally passed his driving test and got his license (a celebration of sorts, the tension between them palpable, Nick at sixteen averting his eyes when Eli’s denim miniskirt and cropped tank top hit the sand) and again after—well, after their first time. Losing your virginity on a beach sounded romantic, but it was uncomfortably sandy in reality. They’d plunged naked into the ocean, and that time, Nick had looked as much as he liked.


He realized he had zoned out, and his gaze was currently somewhere around Eli’s bare navel. He looked away with a cough.


“Well, for one thing, I didn’t bring a towel.” Even to Nick’s ears, it sounded like a pathetic excuse. Something an old man who was more worried about his car upholstery than living life to the fullest might say.


“You can towel off with my shirt,” Eli said.


Nick scanned up and down the beach. They were totally alone still. “I don’t know,” he said, wavering.


“Suit yourself. I’m going in, though.” Eli shucked his shorts down to his ankles, revealing dark underwear—Nick averted his eyes yet again before he could make out any details—and ran down to the water, whooping the whole way.


Nick lifted his gaze once Eli was far enough away that it didn’t feel too weird. He watched the pale beacon of Eli’s bare back as he trudged through the waves, finally submerging where the bottom fell away. He splashed around in the gentle waves and hollered, “It feels great! Not even that cold.” He scrubbed his wet hands over his face and through his hair. It stuck up in points, darker now that it was wet. “You sure you don’t want to come in?” His voice echoed in the dark.


Fuck it. Nick dragged his shirt over his head and dropped it onto the sand. By the time he’d stripped down to his boxer briefs, Eli had noticed him undressing. He stuck his fingers in his mouth and gave a loud wolf whistle as he treaded water.


“Shut up,” Nick called to him. He made his way down to the water with more caution than Eli had, hissing as he got wet. In the summer, this stretch of ocean was as warm as a bath. Now, though, it was chilled to freezing, at least to Nick’s lifelong Floridian sensibilities. He steeled his jaw to keep his teeth from chattering as he waded up to his knees.


“This part is always the worst,” he said, calling over the sound of crashing waves so Eli could hear him. “Cold water up to your waist. It’s torture.”


“Don’t be such a baby. It’s not that bad.” Eli started floating on his back, his gaze riveted to the night sky.


“Promise me you won’t make any jokes about shrinkage.” Nick sucked in air through his teeth and took the last shuffling step that brought the water up to his chest.


“Excuse me, shrinkage hasn’t been funny since 1996,” Eli said. “Give me some credit. Anyway, I’m not a fan of small-dick jokes. For obvious reasons.”


Nick bobbed in the water. “What? Why?”


“Uh, I’m trans?” Eli righted himself so that he was bobbing too. His tone sounded like he was very close to adding a duh to that statement. “People talk about cis guys having small dicks, and the joke is always that he’s either not a real manly man”—he dropped his voice to a deeper register—“or that he’s some aggro asshole trying to compensate.” His voice went back to normal. “You can see why I might be tired of it.”


“Eli,” Nick said, “I’m Asian. I know all about small-dick jokes.”


“Yeah, but you know you’ve got a big dick!” Eli swept his arm through the water, sending a miniature tidal wave in Nick’s direction. It would have splashed him in the face if Nick hadn’t twisted to the side with a shocky laugh.


“It’s not that big,” Nick said, still laughing. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d had such a ridiculous conversation.


“I remember it differently. Meanwhile, I’m sitting here with my small dick with no good comeback except, like, I’m trying my best.”


“You really have a distinct, enduring memory of my penis and its dimensions?”


“Don’t feel too flattered,” Eli muttered. He looked out over the waves. “I remember the first subway rat I ever saw too. That’s just the way brains work.”


“Sure.” Nick smiled down at the water. He didn’t know if Eli would see it in the dark, but he hoped he would.


They were treading water farther from shore now, the light of the stars and planets limning the crests of the black waves in white. One particularly strong wave came from nowhere and washed over Eli’s head, leaving him sputtering and wiping salt water out of his eyes. Nick tried to school his face out of its goofy grin. There was a bubble of something frothy and buoyant in his chest, something that startled him with its intensity and unfamiliarity.


Oh, right. Fun. He was having fun.


He didn’t do that much these days, did he?


Immediately the arguments rushed in, his mind filled with reasoned thoughts that would banish that too-tender one. He had lots of fun with Zoe. She was the light of his life, an endless fount of wonder. Nick could survive on one of her giggles for weeks.


But this was different, something inside him whispered. As much as he loved Zoe, he couldn’t deny that parenthood was exhausting. When was the last time he’d taken a few minutes out of his day—or night, in this case—and had fun all for himself? Was it selfish to want that? A little time just for him?


“Hey, you okay?” Eli swam in front of him. “It’s not too cold for you, is it?”


“No,” Nick said way too quickly. “It feels nice once you get moving.” Something brushed his ankle, probably seaweed, but Nick jolted, paddling closer


to Eli. In the dark, in open water, everything seemed more dangerous to the lizard part of his brain.


Eli laughed at him. “You sure?”


“Yeah, just—” Nick caught the look on Eli’s impish face, wavering between mirth and concern. Beads of water dotted his neck, dripped from the ends of his hair. He was really beautiful—handsome. Not that men couldn’t be beautiful, but Eli might not like being thought of that way. Although, in the privacy of his thoughts, Nick didn’t see the harm.


Maybe being selfish wasn’t the end of the world.


He crossed the short distance between them, swimming up to Eli until they were nose to bobbing nose. Eli’s eyes went wide, catching moonlight.


“Could we—?” Nick raised his hand and touched Eli’s slick shoulder. He telegraphed his movements as best he could, slow and careful, drawing himself closer. The waves pushed him along so that it took hardly any effort at all.


He leaned in, still waiting to see if Eli would pull away.


He didn’t.


It was barely more than a peck, Nick’s mouth brushing against Eli’s, the taste of salt between them. And yet the chill of the water seemed to fall away, and Nick felt enveloped instead by urgent heat. Eli’s mustache tickled at his lip, a novel experience that made Nick shiver.


Then it was over, and Eli’s breath was against his cheek, and Nick opened his eyes to see a very pale face staring back at him.


“Why did you do that?”


“I thought—” Nick floundered. Pretty literally, once he let his hand slip off Eli’s shoulder. “Didn’t you want to?”


A disbelieving huff left Eli’s lips. “Jesus Christ, Nick.” He turned and started swimming toward shore, arm over arm.


Nick floated there in the dark water for a moment. Fuck. His stomach sank to his toes, so heavy that he could have been dragged to the bottom of the sea. He forced himself to follow with a loud splash. “Wait! Eli, hold on.”


Eli did not hold on. He staggered through the breakers, leaving the water with no grace at all. Nick watched the pale shape of his naked legs trudging up the sand to where their clothes were.


Nick made his own ungainly exit from the ocean and jogged to catch up. Eli was clothed in his shorts by the time Nick reached him, shaking out his shirt to find the right way to put it on. He didn’t even look up at Nick’s approach.


Nick reached for his arm, then thought better of it. His hand dangled uselessly at his side. “Look, I’m sorry. I thought I was getting some kind of— vibe.”


“Doesn’t mean you have to act on it,” Eli said to his shirt.


It wasn’t a denial, Nick noticed. “So there was something there? It wasn’t just me?”


Eli sighed and dropped his shirt lower, tilting his head to stare at the sky. “What is your deal? You never used to be the type to go fishing for compliments.”


“I’m not looking for compliments. I just want to know what I did wrong.”


Eli whirled on him. “Where do I even start? Nick! You’re straight.”


“So?”


That was perhaps not the best response, because Eli blinked furiously, rearing back with his mouth hanging open. “So I’m not. I am, in fact, a gay man. Maybe you can conveniently forget that, but I can’t.”


Now Nick’s mouth dropped open, this time in horror. “I didn’t forget.”


“Yes, you fucking did.” Eli stooped and snatched Nick’s pants from the sand, tossing them his way. Nick caught them on instinct, but the rest of him was frozen in place as Eli continued to talk. “I get it, okay? We’ve done a lot of reminiscing about the good ol’ days, so it makes sense that all that would go to your head. But nostalgia isn’t enough.” Eli finally got his shirt over his head, his torso disappearing into the fabric. He tugged the hem in place. “You remember me as someone else, someone you used to kiss. I’m not that person anymore.”


“That’s not true,” Nick said. “I don’t look at you and see—” He bit his tongue, keeping it trapped between his back molars. He didn’t want to lie. He was doing his best to see Eli as just a regular guy, but even that way of thinking— regular—didn’t that prove he thought of Eli as irregular? Hadn’t he had an argument with himself, mere moments ago, about thinking of Eli as beautiful?


“I didn’t realize I was being disrespectful,” he finally said, quiet and ashamed. “Sorry. It won’t happen again.”


“Yeah, it better not.” Eli fished his phone out of the pocket of his shorts. The screen lit up his face, casting it in an eerie glow. “It’s getting pretty late. We should get going.”


“Right.” Nick nodded a few times. “Of course.”


Eli waited a beat. “You should probably get dressed,” he added. His gaze stayed pointedly on Nick’s face.


Said face went hot. “Yep. Doing that. Doing that now,” Nick babbled as he stuck his wet leg into the jeans that were still in his hands. Ugh, the ride back to the Wards’ place was going to be so awkward, he just knew it. Not only because of the damp denim, one of his least-favorite sensations in the world, but because he couldn’t conceive of a way for them to get back to their easy camaraderie after what had happened.


Eli busied himself with retrieving Nick’s button-down from the ground and shaking the sand out of it. “Hey, I don’t want this to, like, explode everything,” he said, his voice soft. “We’ve been friends since we were three years old. I’d like to stick with that, if it’s all right with you.”


“Absolutely.” Nick took the offered shirt from Eli and shrugged it on. “Friends.”


Better than he could have hoped for, given the circumstances. For a moment there, he’d been convinced Eli would never speak to him again, and they’d go back to being nobody to each other. Nick could be happy with friends. Friends were good. Laurie was always on his case about how he didn’t have enough of them, anyway.


But as they made their silent march back to the car, Nick couldn’t help but feel that Eli was wrong. Nostalgia wasn’t the only thing urging him to kiss Eli. If it was, surely now that it was all spelled out, he wouldn’t want to anymore.


And the fact was, he did want to. Maybe a couple more times, to get the hang of it, because that last kiss had been too brief. He glanced over at Eli walking beside him. His gaze was on the ground, his cell phone lighting the way. Concentrating on where to put his feet. Nick, on the other hand, couldn’t stop looking at Eli’s mouth. There had been a hint of stubble when they’d kissed. That had been—new. Not bad. Kind of cool.


This is probably the part where I’m supposed to have some kind of massive gay panic, Nick thought idly. He waited for the wave of anxiety to come, hounded by questions: Was he not as straight as he’d always assumed? Was he bi? Was this really all a subconscious bid to cling to the past, relive his glory days?


The panic didn’t come. Sure, the questions floated into his head, but they floated away harmlessly. He didn’t feel the need to answer them right now. Why rush, especially when Eli had made it clear they were just friends?


“Want me to drive?” Eli said, breaking their long silence.


Nick blinked. “Huh?”


“I could drive if you want.” They’d reached the parking lot by that point, and Eli made a big deal of looking around at the empty spots that surrounded Nick’s lone car. “There’s not a lot for me to back into right now, but I could probably make it happen. For old times’ sake.”


A startled laugh escaped Nick’s chest. This was why, he knew. This was the reason he felt the way he did about Eli. Sure, it was complicated and confusing and perhaps not what was supposed to happen at all, but he had fun with Eli. He laughed more than he usually did, and he felt—better. Like he was more himself.


It was selfish, but Nick wanted to keep that feeling in a small fishbowl inside his chest, where he could tap on the glass from time to time and watch it swimming around. He didn’t have to share it with anyone; Eli had made it clear that he didn’t feel anything close to it, after all. But Nick could keep it for himself. Just to enjoy it.


He dug around in his pocket for his keys. “I think I’ll do the driving, if you don’t mind.”


Eli put his hands up in a gesture of defeat. “All right, fine, but the offer’s open. Anytime you feel like your pristine bumper needs a couple of dings, I’m your man.”


Not really, Nick thought as he unlocked the car. Eli would never be his, not again.